Sunday, June 6, 2010

i think this is phase" two" in my recovery.....

i have decided that there must be phases in recovery periods. especially when dealing with cancer,serious surgery,etc. i have just about gotten over phase one: where you can only think about dealing with pain,how you can possibly get dressed, fix something to eat,etc.  my neck is stiff and a little bit sore. there is a "numb zone" in the middle where i can not feel anything. i am not sure if this is just temporary- i think that it probably is. i have some swelling there still and some fluid, so when this is gone, the feeling will probably come back. also, something happened to me that (luckily) i had read about happening to someone else who had had this surgery. i scratched my neck, but instead of feeling it there, i felt it beside my ear!! w-i-e-r-d. i said OH NO !  rather louder than i had thought, and my husband said, WHAT'S WRONG,WHAT'S WRONG??? he was driving(!) but managed to stay on the road until i could reassure him that it was o.k. i will get used to this, i am sure.

now in phase two of recovery, i can sleep through the night without the pain waking me up. but i am starting to think about the future of things. i think that i will feel better when i get to talk to my endocrinologist and find out about what further treatment ( if any) that i will require.i am trying so hard to not think that every little pain could be the cancer somewhere else. i want to put this all behind me and go on with my so called "normal" life. as i said though, everything has changed. but i want to focus on the positive, not the negative. i owe a lot to my surgeon, he is wonderful at his job, but i really could not talk to him. i knew that he was going to do the following:" a total thyroid lobectomy, level 6 lymph node dissection, and modified radical neck dissection". what i did not know was that he also did a parathyroid autotransplantation, intraoperative neurophysiology testing, and finally a neuromascular junction testing of each nerve.( i know these things because the bill came yesterday, lol)

no wonder it took four hours! i wonder if i passed  the intraoperative neurophysiology test??i did not study before the exam, so you never know......

i guess that phase three will be me accepting what has happened to me, and going on with my life. life is good though. i have wonderful family and friends, and i really do enjoy my job. i like helping people take care of themselves.last month this woman told me " God has put you in the right place. you really help people" i was stunned. i do not think that i deserved that compliment. but to be honest, it has kept me going these past few weeks. no matter what your job, it is nice to think that you make a difference and can help someone.

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