Thursday, February 6, 2014

" guess who just got back today? those wild eyed boys that had been away. haven't changed, haven't much to say,....the boys are back in town, the boys are back in town, boys are back, boys are back...." i listened to the one by bon jovi

since i have had thyroglobulin antibodies for the past three years, i have- up until now, felt like a cancer patient. as you may know, if you follow my blog, in november, i finally, finally got a negative report on my thyroglobulin antibodies. i remember the nurse bringing me  the report while i was waiting on the doctor to come into the room. she had the biggest smile on her face when she handed me the report( i always get a copy of my blood reports, ultrasounds,etc for my records). the nurse did not say anything, but the look on her face made me curious. i remember i stared at the paper, for what seemed like a long time not believing it. where were those rascally rabbits- the TGAs?? i remember humming the lyrics to the "boys are back in town" whenever i looked at that six month blood work report. i should have said that  the boys are still in town. but for whatever reason, the boys have left town and that makes me a cancer SURVIVOR now. at least that is how i finally feel. with the TGAs hanging over my head, making me wonder if there was cancer somewhere else in my body, i just could not feel like a survivor.

now the challenge comes in transitioning from being a cancer patient to a cancer survivor. not as easy as you might think. i had a squamous cell carcinoma removed from my leg about a year ago. it was pretty large, and the dermatologist had to go deep to get it, but that was all the treatment that i needed. if this was all that i had to deal with, that and the six month  visits i get to make to  the dermatologist, i would be in gravy as they say. but i am reminded, by my body of all things, that i am missing my thyroid gland and things will be different from here on out. not that i miss the monster, but when my thyroid was healthy, i was living a " normal" life. i have a new normal now ( are we all sick of that phrase?). this just serves to remind me of the fact that yes, i had cancer, and hopefully i will be able to enjoy my life and not worry about the cancer returning.

i go back in april for my next visit- blood work and ultrasound. i am hoping that the boys are really out of town and i get as good a report in april as i got in november. i suppose it might take another  good report or two for me to really breathe easier. but i am on my way to healing my mind as well as my body. it does something to you i think- hard to explain to anyone who has not had cancer of any sort- once you get that diagnosis. i suppose people deal with a cancer diagnosis in different ways. i tried to see the positive changes and move forward. still, i will admit that the cancer was always in the back of my mind. it still is to some degree, but i like to think that it does not dominate my life and i can be happy. exercise- yes, zumba, has really helped improve my mood as well as my physical strength. i hope that anyone with cancer can find a good activity that they love and be able to stick with it. i believe that for me, it also gave me back some faith in my body that i had always taken for granted. namely, that my body would function correctly and not make me sick.

oh, for those of you that are interested, my husband is coming along well with his recovery from hip surgery. he tries to do too much, but other than that, he is a good patient. also, according to my last xray, i have managed to get shirley stone to oregon!! hooray!! hopefully no more kidney stones for a while. perhaps it will be smooth sailing for a bit.