Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Welcome back, it has been a long time.......

i have been grieving. try as i might, i could not force myself to write in my blog because writing this is a joyful experience for me. i have not been able to experience any joy, really, since my dad got sick- on august 14th, and try as i and all his doctors might, passed away on october 10th.

my dad was a wonderful person, to me and many others. he was in excellent health, and drove where he wanted to go- mostly, and lived his life as he chose to- visiting his friends, attending his church, visiting my sister and me, and of course talking to and visiting his beloved grandchildren.

he was never worried about himself. after mom passed away a couple of years ago, he told us that he just wanted to spend whatever time he had left with his family. before he passed away, i was able to tell him that my full body scan, ultrasound and blood work all were negative. he told me that the news i am cancer-free really "eased his mind".  i did not tell him that i have to go back for ultrasounds and blood work every six months, since my cancer had spread a bit. i did not want to worry him. speaking of worry, i asked my endocrinologist if i am cancer free in five years am i "home free"?  she said not necessarily- she had a patient just last week, who after SEVEN  years had a recurrence of her cancer. oh, well, you know what? i am not going to worry about that. i will get my tests done, but i have a stronger sense of what is important and the even more urgent  need to live my life to the fullest. my dad was 85, but did not look a day over 70. he walked a mile and a half every day, and was ( so we thought) in very good health.

the thanksgiving holiday was difficult. but i urge everyone who is dealing with the loss of a family member to consider spending the holidays in a different way. in the past, i always cooked dinner, and my parents, and later just my dad, along with my children and their spouses, came to my house. my dad would spend  a few days with us. this year, our family had thanksgiving at my daughters house. we spent wednesday night with her and her husband. oh, and wednesday night- even though we probably should have been cooking- we went to zumba. it was the class she goes to at the honky tonk bar. i have to admit that i had fun. i really, really have missed zumba. i have just now gone back, as i am sure my dad would have wanted me to do. yes, it is exercise for sure, but i love it. it is so much fun.( i even purchased a belly scarf- red, of course, for the holidays)

my son and his wife are expecting my first grandchild in december . his name is gabriel robert. robert- after my dad. it was so sweet of my son and daughter-in-law to name him after my dad. my son and i both cried when he told me. i think this is the part of my blog where i should have elton john singing "the circle of life" or something like that. it really is true,though. i am still grieving, but slowly regaining my joy. gabriel will be a big part of that process. returning to my blog, and yes, zumba, will also help.

thanks to all of you out there who have had patience with me. those of you who have checked to see if i have written a new blog, who have not written me off ( no pun intended). i will try my best not to disappoint you. i hope that everyone had a great thanksgiving- spent in a joyful way, giving thanks for our families and friends. giving thanks,too, for our lives and what we make of them.