Tuesday, August 22, 2017

" i see trees of green, red roses too, i see them bloom for me and you, and i think to myself, what a wonderful world. i see skies of blue and clouds of white, the bright blessed day, the dark sacred night and i think to myself, what a wonderful world....i see friends shaking hands, saying " how do you do?", they're really saying, " i love you". what a wonderful world, by louis armstrong

a very dear friend of mine passed away today. she was not a "blood relative", but we always said that we were family- sort of sisters in friendship, you might say. i am going to miss her terribly- she had a very good heart. when i was undergoing chemotherapy in 2015, she called me almost every day to see how i was doing. some of my friends did not call to check on me. i suppose that they did not know what to say, and in the past i may have been guilty of this as well. but my faithful friend never let me down. my sweet friend had been in declining health for a few years now, and had had a few very close calls, but she always managed to battle back- until today.

i have been trying to make sense of this loss today. what have i learned? what would my friend like to say to me if she were here? i think perhaps she would say, " bea, make the most of each and every precious day that you have on this earth." i have had a couple of close calls myself in the past seven years. each time, i reminded myself to be present in life- to tell people how much i love them, to enjoy the small and wonderful things around me. today, my husband and i took care of our five year old grandson, as we will be doing again  tomorrow. his parents are teachers, and had to go back to work. i am so thankful that we can help our family out, and we certainly enjoy each and every minute we get to spend with any of our grandchildren.

my five year old grandson said the most amazing thing to me  today. it was raining, and i said, " oh, i am so sorry that it is raining!". he said, " mimi ( that is my REAL name, by the way), i love the rain!" i said, why do you love the rain? i thought that he would say he loved jumping in mud puddles, perhaps getting to be inside to watch a movie or something like that. what he said was this: " mimi, i love the rain because it is a way that God talks to us. He talks to us with  the sunshine, too." i hardly knew what to say to that. i am not one  to force my religion on anyone else. i am not one of those " my way or the highway " kind of people. i believe that God hears a prayer said in nature, just as clearly as he hears one that is said in a house of wood and stone. the wisdom of children is powerful, true and not to be ignored. i told my grandson that i agreed wholeheartedly with him.

with this loss, i am also reminded of that statement that keeps popping up on social media. it goes something like " eat the cake, buy the dress, take the trip, etc." why is it so hard for us adults (meanwhile children have things pretty much figured out, in my opinion) to enjoy life and be kind to others? if there is something our hearts desire, we should do it now. we may never get that chance again- nothing is guaranteed in this life.

if you happen to be a cancer survivor - be it thyroid, breast or any other- i hope that you can appreciate all of the beauty in this world. there is kindness in spite of some madness that has been happening. enjoy your life and be grateful for every wonderful thing that comes your way. i am sure that my good friend would remind me of this fact as well.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

" looking back on when i was a little nappy headed girl, then my only worry was for Christmas, what would be my toy. even though we sometimes did not get very much, we were happy with the joy the day would bring....i wish those days could come back once more, why did those days ever have to go, i wish those days could come back once more, why did those days ever have to go, cause i love them so." i wish ( somewhat altered) lyrics by stevie wonder

i posted my blood work, ultrasound and appointment results on facebook, but i realized that not everyone who reads my blog is my facebook " friend". so for those of you who already know how it went, sorry to repeat this subject. i got a good check up basically. the most important thing, was that my thyroglobulin was less than 0.1 and  my anti- thyroglobulin antibodies were less than one. these two numbers were elevated for three years after my surgery and radioactive ( I-131) iodine treatment. those were a tough, worrisome three years. luckily, my endocrinologist did not panic, and we just kept my TSH very low, or suppressed, near zero, and waited it out. my doctor was considering another round of the I-131 just before my thyroid cancer indicators( above mentioned blood work) returned to the cancer free zone.

as far as my other blood work went, my TSH was good - 0.006- a little low, hahahaha. but that is the way that my endocrinologist wants it- i will explain why later in this blog. my doctor scared me a little during my office visit  when she first started talking to me. she said, " how are you feeling? are you having any heart palpitations, chest pain, shakiness, etc?" i said no, i was still feeling a little tired in the afternoons, but that was all. a few months  ago, my endocrinologist changed my medication. i went from the synthetic levoxyl and an occasional cytomel tablet in the afternoon, to a naturally derived medication. i know several people who do wonderfully on a naturally derived thyroid medication. in fact, a person in my family, who is hypothyroid, but who has not  had thyroid cancer, is taking this and has the best blood work numbers they have ever had. and best of all, this person feels better than they did when they were on the synthetic medication.  i really, really, really wanted this naturally derived medication to work for me, but it did not. i was extremely tired, depressed, cried a lot,etc - i knew that something was up. and i had to admit, it had to be the fact that  my thyroid medication was not working for me.

 so my doctor switched me back to the levoxyl/ cytomel combo.she called in a higher dose than i had been on previously. i thought that maybe she was trying to jump start my system so to speak.  i had been taking the higher dose of  levoxyl for about a month before my appointment. the reason why she was so concerned about how i was feeling was that my T4 had gone out of sight! the so called normal range, according to this lab- and labs have slightly different ranges- is 0.82-1.77. my value was 2.63 which puts me WAY into the hyperthyroid range. previously,  the highest my T4 has ever gotten to had been 2.1. my endocrinologist freaked out then, so you can image her concern this time.

my t3 was wonderful- 4.1 ( the range is 2.0-4.4). this is the " energy" part of a thyroid medication. i have previously not been able to hit 3.0 mark. but of course, this value  will go down again as i can not continue to have such a high T4. just a side note for those of you who may not be aware of this- synthetic thyroid medications ( levoxyl, synthroid, levothyroxine,etc) are just made up of T4. they  depend on the body to convert the T4 to T3 which mainly supplies the energy to the body. naturally derived hormone drugs ( nature-throid, armor thyroid, etc) contain naturally derived T4 AND T3. this is helpful if there is a problem on a cellular level- if your body, for whatever reason, has trouble converting T4 into the T3 that you need for your body to function properly. it seems to me that the naturally derived thyroid hormone would be the best choice, IF IT WORKS FOR YOU. but unfortunately, it did not work for me. as i have always said, this is not a one size fits all kind of thing. what is a wonderful choice for someone else, may be a terrible choice for you.

my endocrinologist lowered my dose of levoxyl( T4) , and added an afternoon cytomel( T3) if i need it. i really was not happy with this, but i understand that i can not have a T4 that is that high. having a T4 that is too high can cause heart arrhythmia's, chest pain, nervousness, osteoporosis, just to mention a few goodies. it is frustrating to me how complicated thyroid hormone dosing can be. most people, not thyroid patients for the most part, do not realize how difficult it is to get a thyroid dose, or dosage form, that is going to make the patient feel good and be able to function at a somewhat normal level. it is a trial and mostly error experience, at least for me. my endocrinologist has scheduled blood work for me again in three months to see how i am doing. which brings me to the topic of my next appointment...

i was really hoping that i could "graduate" to once a year tests, blood work and ultrasounds. my endocrinologist told me that because i had an area of " very aggressive thyroid cancer" i would need to stay on the every six months visits for a while longer. also, she wants to keep my TSH suppressed for the foreseeable future.  ( i said earlier that i would explain this). keeping the TSH at essentially zero is supposed to keep any thyroid cancer cells that are roaming around in the body from becoming active storm troopers. i was very O.K. with my doctor wanting to keep my TSH at zero. being a two time cancer survivor, i am nervous about there being a possible third time.

sometimes i think about my life before thyroid cancer or breast cancer. i try not to rehash the past, but i do sometimes long for it. i wish that i had never had cancer, to be honest. i have learned a lot from having cancer, though. i have discovered that i am stronger than i thought. i have found out how to be my own best patient advocate. i have really learned what things, and what people, are important in my life. i have learned that if i want to do something, i need to do it now, as the future is not guaranteed.  i have learned not to take anything for granted. and, probably the best thing that i have learned is to be grateful for everything good thing that comes my way.