"mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this mama said. (mama said, mama said). come on, mama said there'll be days like this, there'll be days like this my mama said. " Mama said, by dusty springfield

first of all, HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING!! of course, if you live in the southeast, like me, we have had no winter basically, so the celebration is not quite as meaningful. i do like all four seasons, but for some reason, mother nature decided not to send us any snow this year :(    . now, i do not like driving on the ice, but i do like to see a couple of big snows each winter. oh, well, maybe next winter. and i am still very happy to see the flowers up and blooming and my cherry trees blooming, AH-CHOO! oh, goodness,  did i mention that the tree pollen is very bad this year? a small price to pay for spring's loveliness, i guess.

i am getting along very well in physical therapy. i had a bad day, or a setback as my grandma would call it, this past sunday. it was my long week( i work six out of seven days, when i work the weekend) and i guess being on my feet all that time, and the floor being concrete and without mats to stand on,it just did my knee in. sunday night i was up most of the night with my knee hurting. my physical therapist told me that i would have these bad days occasionally until my knee completely healed. this reminded me of my impatience with myself after my surgery and then again, after my I-131. i would seem to take one step forward, and two steps back. we all have our own timetable on healing, i think, and we must be patient with ourselves. i always try to do too much, think that i am able to do what i did before, and pretty much think that i am still 24 instead of, well, 50" something. "


i thought that this would be a good time to remind everyone out there who are  struggling to get well after surgery or the I-131, or those of you who are  struggling with low energy associated with being hypothyroid, to be patient with yourself. get more rest. remember not to be too hard on yourself. you will probably not be able to get EVERYTHING that you wanted to get done, done. but as my mom used to tell me, "don't worry honey, your housework will be there tomorrow." boy, was she right on that one! we all have our new normals now, which is not a bad thing. i am trying very hard to have more fun, more "me" time. i have just recently been made aware ( it was april 20th, 2010 when i got the news that i had thyroid cancer) that life is short, uncertain. you need to have fun as well as do meaningful things with your life. not that i always succeed in this noble venture, but i am trying. and if all else  fails, i  just try to  remember what my  mama said, "there'll be days like this," and this too shall pass.

"i need love, love to ease my mind. i need to find someone to call mine. but mama says, you can't hurry love. she said, you just have to wait. she said, love don't come easy, it's a game of give and take. you can't hurry love, no. you just have to wait. you got to trust, give it time. NO MATTER HOW LONG IT TAKES!" can't hurry love, by diana ross and the supremes

 i had my first physical therapy session last wednesday. it was sort of a" getting to know" you kind  of thing. what impressed me though, was that  the physical therapist, after a few tests of her own, came to the exact same conclusion as my doctor ( and he had the MRI and x-ray to look at). she said that i have done some damage to the meniscus in my right knee, but also that i have a lot of swelling and inflammation behind my right knee cap. ( this is new information and probably explains why it still hurts so much). she said that if i were to go right back to zumba that i would probably injure my knee enough to have to have surgery. i told her that i was worried that i would embarrass myself by falling. i also was worried about taking another person with me if i fell. zumba usually is not a contact sport, per se, but i have accidentally hit someone, and i have been hit myself. when that music gets cranked up and people start moving, well, it is to be expected, i guess.

she gave me a sheet with six exercises to practice at home. i am sad to report that  i have lost a lot of muscle mass in my right knee area. i did not know this, but a person can begin to lose muscle mass/tone in only three days after an injury! i was used to doing an hour of zumba and 20 minutes of standing abs anywhere from once to three times a week. you would think that i was in pretty good shape? used to be i guess because i broke out in a sweat trying to do those simple exercises! wow, how embarrassing. i really have a long and winding road back to zumba, for sure. after a couple of weeks, i get to use the rehab exercise equipment in the wellness center. i guess that this will be a recumbent bicycle and maybe the treadmill? I WILL JUST HAVE TO WAIT. oh brother, i am not good at waiting. i am missing my zumba/endorphins but i will have to be patient. i am thankful though, that i have a very good physical therapist, who wants me to get better and back to ( her words i promise) my normal. 


here we go with the catch phrase, "the new normal", again. i can not help but think of the movie( my favorite) "young frankenstein." gene wilder sends igor into the brain depository to get a brain for his creature. igor drops the one he is supposed to get, and gets another one. when things turn out horribly wrong with the creature, gene wilder asks igor just what brain he got.. igor says, "abby something" " abby something? " gene asks. igor says  "yes, i remember now, her name was "abby normal." that cracks me up every time i see that scene. (and trust me, i have seen it a lot). i am feeling a little abby normal myself right now. oh, well, i will just have to wait. you can not hurry physical therapy or your stubborn knee.

" Are you standing outside, looking up at the sky. cursing a wandering star? Well if i were you, i'ed throw rocks at the moon. i'ed say, damn you wherever you are" " I should have sent roses." Leon Russell and Elton John from their album, Union.

two things struck me about these lyrics. pardon the pun. first, cursing the wandering star- which i mentioned in an earlier blog. and of course, throwing rocks at the moon. i have an ultrasound at the end of this month, and some obligatory blood work, of course. i have to be tested every six months because my cancer had spread a bit, as i have mentioned previously. i have very ambiguous feelings about these every six months tests. first of all, i am thankful that i have a great doctor who cares enough to test me every six months. you do not have to tell me that the earlier you detect cancer, the better. on the other hand, testing is stressful but it is more than just  that. i get depressed( OMG what if they find something?) and surprisingly, because i am not usually like this- my pollyanna self notwithstanding, i get mad as hell. i have never said " why me" or "poor pitiful me" but it still makes me angry that i got cancer! and this anger does me about as much good as throwing rocks at the moon. ( it would certainly  not work with me, because as my husband is fond of telling me, i can not hit the broadside of a barn)

i have been able to work out some stress and i will admit, anger, by going to zumba class. well, i have not been able to go now for about two months because of my knee injury. yesterday, since i could not contact my fairy godmother and ask her to wave her magic wand over my knee and make it all better, i set up a schedule for some physical therapy. it is in a rehab center right next to the wellness center where i took, and by golly will take again, zumba. my first appointment is this coming wednesday. i always have wednesday off, in an otherwise crazy and different every week, schedule. i am not sure how i will work in more than once per week- the doctor suggested 2-3 times a week. i work long hours and one to two evenings per week. but on wednesday, i am planning to be there. they told me to wear my workout clothes. do you think that they meant my belly scarves? i guess i will have to save them for when i go back to zumba. i am not sure if the physical therapy exercises  will be in a large room with several people, or a private space. i am not even sure what they will do, but if it will help, i will do it.

as cancer patients, we have a lot of stuff to deal with. as individuals, we need to find activities that help our minds and bodies deal with our many challenges. zumba was my special activity. it helped my mind ( i am finding out) more than my body even. hopefully, after some physical therapy i will be healthy enough to dance again. for me, music and dancing are  much better ( and safer for my husband and neighbors) than me throwing rocks at the moon. i will keep everyone posted on my progress in physical therapy. and i sincerely hope that if you have not found your special coping activity, you will very,very soon.

a quick thank you and an update....

first and most importantly, i would like to thank my wonderful son-in-law, who helped get me started blogging, for the overhaul on my blog. he is a wizard, i think- of course it could have something to do with the fact that he is a computer software engineer, on the computer. we had our heads together discussing how i wanted my blog to look, what i wanted my wallpaper to look like, what pictures i wanted to include,etc. his fingers just flew over the keys. did you know that each color has its own number/letter sequence? wow, i would like to say that i learned a lot, but i just gave some input/feedback, and he did the rest. thanks,sweetie- you are the best!

my friend that i told you about in an earlier blog, the one with the untreated thyroid disorder, finally got an appointment with an endocrinologist. she found out that she has nodules,too. they are small, but the doctor says that one of them looks "suspicious". getting that news gave me the chills! i am encouraging her to get a biopsy, of course ,when she goes back to the doctor next week. i am not sure why the doctor did not prescribe some thyroid hormone for her- maybe he will when she goes back. i told her that i would do my best to get her in to see the doctor that my daughter and i see if she is not pleased with the treatment she is receiving now. this just seems scary to me. i would give,( while not anything) , pretty much, to have caught my cancer earlier. it is hard to second guess things, and i try to remind myself of this fact. i have had one good scan- cancer free that is, last  fall.at the end of  next month, i am due for another ultrasound and more blood work. i love/hate the tests! i dread having to go through having them, but on the other hand, i want to know how i am doing. no more hoping, wishing, etc, that things will  get better on their own. i now take the bull by the horns, so to speak.

so, i am hoping that the next blog that i write will be about my triumphant return to zumba class! my knee is still not ready, but i am hoping that it will be healed up enough and  soon. i think that my belly scarves are getting dusty in the closet. along with my dance shoes and exercise clothes. will everything still fit? will my knee let me down again, or will i energetically dance across the floor( with modified moves- no knee twisty things). stay tuned for the adventures of "zumba grandma". hopefully, coming soon to the wellness center.......

" I was born under a wanderin' star, i was born under a wanderin' star; wheels are made for rollin', mules are made to pack, i've never seen a site that didn't look better looking back...mud can make you prisoner, and the plains can bake you dry. snow can burn your eyes, but only people make you cry. ..when i get to heaven tie me to a tree. or i'll begin to roam and soon you'll know where i will be. i was born under a wanderin' star, a wanderin', wanderin' star. " I was born under a wanderin' star" various artists, from the movie " paint your wagon"

my family and everyone who knows me well would laugh to think that i believe this song describes me. but it does, really. but not in the way you might think. sure, i am a home body- big time. i would much rather rent a movie and eat in rather than go out. and my idea of a great vacation is to stay home and remodel, or work on the yard. o.k., i do like a week at the beach in the fall (fall weather is perfect for a freckled, redhead) but i am always so happy to get back home. i miss the familiar- my house, my dogs and cat,etc.

the reason i think that this song describes me is that i feel that my life is somehow connected to a wanderin' star. not that anyone knows how their life will turn out, but it seems that mine has taken so many twists and turns lately. i could never imagine losing both of my parents in the space of three  years, and being diagnosed with cancer in between that.i have never been bitter or angry about having cancer. i know that so many people have it much worse than i do. i see it at work almost every day. i have never felt sorry for myself either- for just that reason. so what if a lot of my hair fell out after my I-131 treatment? at least i had most of my hair.  i see bald women every day who bravely deal with chemo for their breast cancer. so what if i had nausea ( almost vomiting, but not quite) for a week or so  after the I-131? so many cancer patients  get prescriptions filled for anti-nausea medications and my heart goes out to them.

i saw the movie 50-50 last night. (yes, we watched it at home). i cried through a lot of it. especially the part when the young guy's doctor tells him that he has cancer. the doctor had a terrible bedside manner, but more than that, the guy reacted a lot like i did. he blocked out most of what the doctor said and could only hear two words- his name and the word cancer. this is a common reaction, i think, after what i have read and heard from other people. another part that got to me was how alone the cancer patient felt. yes, i had wonderful support from my family and friends, but let's face it- when it comes to the surgery, dealing with the issues, doctor's appointments,etc, YOU ALONE have to deal with these things. the night before the cancer surgery is terrifying. you are not sure if you will even make it through the surgery. you are not sure of the outcome, or what other treatment lies ahead.

even though my star seems to be dragging me through situations that i could never imagine having to deal with, i still remain positive. i have tried to make the best of everything and keep on going. a lot of people have commented on my excess of energy. really?? i do not think i am very energetic. i just keep moving so that i can get things done  that are important to me. i do admit that occasionally  i push on past my limit, but i really do try to get more rest than i did before i got sick. sleep is good- just ask dr. oz!

to follow up, i got the cortisone injection in my knee, and it was not as bad as i thought that it would be. i would certainly recommend it for anyone suffering from chronic knee pain. i am not back to zumba yet, but i see it in my future. my rheumatologist wants me to start walking some before i just jump back into zumba. i will be wearing two slip on knee braces to help protect my knees, but i am so excited at the prospects of going back to class. i will just have to be more careful this time. instead of "knee twisty" moves, i will be the one shaking her booty (and belly scarf coins) . and here's hoping my wanderin' star leaves me alone- for a little while at least.

does anyone remember that old song by roger miller called King of the Road? well i wrote some lyrics which follow, and you can sing along using that tune. or if you are not as old as i am, you can just read them.

zumba shoes for sale or rent,


belly scarves, fifty cents.


health membership for free,


you see, i've got this busted knee.


they say," no pain and you get no gain",


but did they mean you get hit by a train?


i don't want to be a big old slouch,


QUEEN OF THE COUCH.


this blog kept me awake  last night. well, that and my knee pain. i was having a blog attack as my husband likes to call them. what really got me going was some news that i got yesterday. you see, a friend of mine has been dealing with some thyroid issues for a little while now. her regular doctor told her, that despite a TSH of 4 and many symptoms of hypothyroid disease( hair loss, feeling cold, weight gain when she eats like a bird- really, like a little bitty sparrow,  extreme tiredness,etc, ) she was in the " normal" range. i wonder what planet he came from! and i would be willing to bet that if he had a TSH of 4 and the symptoms she has been having that he would get help ASAP. i advised her to buy a couple of good books on hypothyroid disease( to review, by two favorite ones are: The Thyroid Sourcebook, 5th edition by M. Sara Rosenthal, and Mary Shomon's Living Well With Hypothyroidism, revised and updated edition) . and i am also trying to help her locate a doctor near by who will take her problems seriously and will help her..nothing makes my blood boil quite so quickly as someone having hypothyroid symptoms ( i.e., suffering,) and not be able to get their doctor to help them!!ARRG!!!

getting back to her  TSH level.  her doctor said that the " normal range" was up to 5. in Ms. Rosenthal's book, she said that the old standards were values collected from a group ( study) of  men, some of whom were actually hypothyroid themselves. she recommends treating at 2.5. the new standard is 3.0. either way, my friend needs to be treated. i am on a mission, and i will do everything in my power to help her. why am i such a gorilla warfare  fighter in the land of untreated elevated TSH and hypothyroid symptoms? well, i myself went untreated for several years. that is a whole other blog, but i do not want to see it happen to anyone else. i will keep everyone updated on my friend's progress.

in the meantime, i am seeing my rheumatologist on wednesday and will let him review my MRI. i will probably have the dreaded " needle" ( aka, cortisone injection) if he thinks that it will help. at this point i am ready to try just about anything to get better. and i need to get  back to zumba before i really do have to sell my dancing shoes.

"just shoot for the stars if it feels right; ...take me away, make it okay, i swear i'll behave. maybe it's hard when you feel like you're broken and scarred; nothing feels right, but when you are with me, i'll make you believe;... i've got the moves like jagger; i've got the moves like jagger. " Moves like Jagger" by Maroon-5

as some of you might know, i had a little "accident" in zumba the first of this month. i was all into the song, my right foot was  planted on the dance floor, and instead of my shoe pivoting, my body went on with out my foot! i heard a pop and then my endorphins kicked in and of course, although it was the first song of the evening, i stayed until the end of the class! not one of my brighter ideas. i thought that i was o.k. until about 30 minutes after the class. that is how long it takes me to get home from the wellness center. i thought that i was truly not going to be able to walk into  the house! i suffered for a couple of weeks, then went to convenient care and they sent me on to an orthopedic doctor. i had my MRI done this past friday, and today i had my reveal show.

i have a small, thank goodness, tear in the meniscus of my right knee, which will heal eventually without surgery( they told me that i might have to have surgery, and i was of course worried about that). that is the good news. the bad news is that i have really bad arthritis in both of my knees, and have hardly any "cushion" between the bones. the doctor told me that he could shoot some cortisone in there- i told him that i would have to get back to him on that. i am not a big fan of needles- especially when they are inserted into an already painful area.he told me to come back to see him when i was "crying". well, i have already been doing that, and i still am not ready for the "needle".  he also recommended that i take some cosamin ds to help build some cushion, and i plan on doing that. i am taking ibuprofen and using ice packs,too. driving home and trying to bend my knee is the most painful thing.

i asked him when i could go back to zumba. he said that  i could go back anytime that i felt ready- but  i would need to "adjust" my workout so as not to re-injure a knee. i am planning for the first week of february- it will have been a month since the injury. i will just put on my zumba clothes, my belly scarf( of course- color coordinated to match my tee shirt) and a knee brace or two. i decided that whatever moves  i can not do physically, i will do them in my head. or maybe, if we are doing a move that is impossible for my knees i will just shake the coins on my belly scarf. now, i am not saying that i have mick jagger moves ( o.k. maybe in my head, i do) but i think that i can still do pretty well in zumba class. i am so glad that i do not have to give this up. it has truly been my prozac, as well as helping me to regain some of the strength i lost after my surgery/chemo.

i have always wondered why anyone would want to return to an activity that has injured them. not just professional athletes, but i have known some runners and bikers who have had injuries requiring surgery, and returned to their sport just as soon as they were able. i finally get it! that sport or physical activity fulfills a need and once you realize that, you do not want to give it up. good health requires an active mind, body and spirit. i will admit that i have come upon this realization quite late in life, but better late than never, i guess.

i think that everyone should have their own special day or two

tuesday, january 17th, would have been my mom's 80th birthday. so, i declared that day "wear red for gaby day". red was my mom's favorite color. and not a wimpy red, but a stop sign,red. so yesterday, i wore a red sweater, red necklace and earrings, and red shoes. my husband wore a red tie ( and red underwear, but hopefully no one saw that!). my children wore red as well. i good friend of mine, who happens to have the same birthday as my mom, also wore red.

now i know that we have many important " awareness of this or that day". the different cancers,heart disease,etc. but i also think that we should seize and name certain days of our own. i celebrate may 19th as my cancer free day. it will be two years this may 19th( my surgery day). i consider it my cancer liberation day, but i guess that is not entirely true, since i needed the I-131 in july to kick the rest of the cancer bums out of my house. still, last year on may 19th, my husband sent me a beautiful arrangement of flowers to work. i had made a cake for us for that evening. i am so thankful to have this day to celebrate! my favorite color is green, so i will wear green this year on may 19th. the day is evolving for me, so i will keep editing the "rules" for the day.. i hope that every cancer survivor, thyroid or other, will celebrate their "liberation" day. it is special, and you are special for dealing with things and fighting your best fight.


my good friend( the one who wore red yesterday) sent me a bracelet for Christmas. it is pink( one of our thyroid cancer colors) and says on one side" life is tough". on the other side it says" but i am tougher.". i love this sentiment. i do not know if it is always true, but i hope so. i aspire to always maintaining  a positive attitude about my thyroid cancer and hopefully helping others along the way.

this weekend at work, i talked with a man who had had his thyroid" killed" as he put it, because he was so hyperthyroid. he had had the I-131 and we talked about that for a while. he told me a little about his story, and i told him a little about mine. when he left, he said, thank you for sharing your story with me, i feel blessed.  and last week, i happened to answer the phone at work and on the line was a young woman who had had thyroid cancer several years ago and basically has been without care since then. her TSH was up to 49 and no one knew what to do for her. i told her that she needed to go see an endocrinologist, or at least a doctor who specialized in treating thyroid disorders. i told her about mary shoman's website, aboutthyroid.com. she should be able to find a doctor, they have patient reviews there, who will meet her needs.

it makes me happy to know that i can help someone else with thyroid disease, especially cancer, in some small way. i am always amazed at the way that i am pretty much always the person( we have four pharmacists on staff) that ends up meeting these people. it seems to be coincidence, but who knows. of course, i do wear not one, but two, thyroid cancer ribbons on my lab jacket. and i wear the thyroid cancer bracelets, along with the pink bracelet my friend gave me.

so hooray for awareness days, be they national or personal ones. make your own rules, enjoy the day, honor a loved one's memory, or just have cake.

My new years resolutions? i do not believe in them.

i have always hated new years resolutions. to me they scream disappointment. somehow, i always tried to go for impossible to attain goals," world peace", "losing weight",etc.  so of course i would not succeed in my resolutions. finally, after agonizing over new years resolutions for several years, i decided enough was enough! what a relief. one less thing to worry about.

instead of making resolutions, i have decided to spend  the day being  thankful for all my many blessings ( o.k. i know this sounds a little like the thanksgiving holiday). i do take stock of a few things in my life- just to be sure my train is on the right track and not headed for derailment or something. instead of trying something new, i just try to be sure that i am following my life plan, so to speak. i came up with my life plan after i found out that i had cancer. seems funny, but coming close to death made me think about how i wanted to live my life. what was important to me, what i needed to do to get my body healthier. i  often think  of a line in a bob dylan song. to paraphrase, he says " your body is your temple, keep it beautiful and pure". in the song  he was referring to not letting the TV monster into your life so much. he is right on that one. i try my best not to watch any violent programs on TV, and i try ( i do not do as well on this) not to watch too much of the nightly news.

adding regular exercise has been such a huge positive step in my life plan. it is my "prozac"- it really lifts my mood(the endorphins, i guess). and of course, i feel better, can move a little easier, and it has helped me lose weight. best of all, like i have said a couple of million times, it is fun. i can not sing very well since my surgery, but it did not affect my dancing to the music. honestly, i feel like grace kelley in zumba class. i know for sure that i do not dance  like her of course. i have never been able to walk in high heels, much less dance in them, and i am pretty sure that grace did not ever do the belly roll or  the booty shake. bet she  would have liked them,though!

on a side note, i did indeed have the open house for my neighbors. i sort of waited until the last minute,though. i was not sure if i could pull it off. we decided on friday night, to have it on sunday afternoon. we sent out invitations and called people as well. here are the things i was worried would happen:

1) no one would come. o.k. well, we have two dogs and they could help us eat all of the food, so maybe that would not be so bad.

2)everyone would come- would i have enough food? we over-did on this one, but we sent almost everyone home with a little treat bag.

3) my greatest fear: my house would not be clean enough. i have dust bunnies that hide throughout my house. i was afraid that they would mobilize into a small army and attempt a coup just as my guests arrived. luckily, this did not happen.

we had about twenty people over, and we had a very good visit with everyone. the food turned out fine, and my Christmas decorations were still up, so the house looked all cozy. our neighbors had been so curious about our 3 and a half month renovation.  they had seen so many  things being ripped out of  our house : wood,shingles,windows,flooring,etc, and  being stacked up outside. i felt that it would be a good idea to let them see the final reveal, so to speak. we did not add on, we just re-purposed the space( to use a trendy word). our house is more livable for us now. that is a part of my life plan,too, i guess. my husband and i wanted to make our house suit our lifestyle a little more. one example, is that i love to read- and one of the rooms( used to be our bedroom) is now a library. it is my favorite room, i think.

so i hope that everyone had a great new years, and that if you did happen to make resolutions that they are attainable, good ones. as for me, i am just going to keep doing what i have been doing since my diagnosis. and of course, i will keep doing what my doctor told me at the end of my last visit: Zumba on!!

"..this is how i roll, animal print pants out of control....look at that body, look at that body, look at that body, I WORK OUT!! . ... I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!....when i walk in the spot, yeah, this is what i see, everybody stops and they staring at me.... i ain't afraid to show it, I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!". "sexy and i know it" by LMFAO

i had a wonderful visit with my grandson, gabriel. and my son, daughter-in-law, daughter and son-in-law, but by golly when gabriel left today, i took off my grandma jeans and put on my fitness pants! they fit me like a glove- black and so comfortable. i got them from LL bean if anyone is interested. i am proud to say that when i started working out, i had to get a size  large. now i am in a medium!! yeah. this is a milestone for me. i think that  i will probably stay in a medium( which is o.k. with me) , but you never know, i could manage to get down to a small at some point, in a galaxy far,far away.

so, my daughter and son-in-law got to stay an extra day with us. naturally shelley and i headed up to my zumba class. the absolute best zumba classes that i have ever taken  are the ones that  i get to go to with my daughter. i have been to about 4 classes near where she lives, and she has been to about the same amount of  my classes. we laugh and cut up a lot, i can tell you that. my instructor says she likes to see my daughter come because she has so much energy. she energizes our class, you might say. i am amazed at how well my daughter can do the routines. it will be a new dance to her, and somehow she ends up doing it better than me( and i will have done it several times before). it really does not bother me,though. this grandma can shake the coins on her belly scarf pretty darn good!

my husband has said many times  that me getting sick was good for both of us, in some ways. our nutrition improved, and we started getting regular exercise. we both have lost weight, which is good. of course, we have to hit the advil bottle after we get back home from the wellness center. and we always  drink plenty of orange juice to prevent night time leg cramps. but all and all it has been great. why did we not do this before? hopefully, we can benefit from the changes we have made. at any rate, it is fun and that is the whole secret. if zumba was not fun, i could not make myself go every week. besides, where else can a 50 something grandma dance around to " I'm sexy and i know it" with a (sort of) straight face?

seasons greetings!

i would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanza,  and so forth. during this busy time of the year, i know that  it is hard to make time to stop and be thankful for your friends and family. but that is what i am doing this year. losing my dad this year was so hard, and memories of past Christmases keep surfacing at the strangest times. sometimes i laugh, sometimes i cry, but i am thankful to have had my parents for as long as i did. while  i wish that i could have had them longer, i am lucky to have had a wonderful relationship with both of them. we were always together at holidays, and i talked to them almost every day, and towards the end, i saw them several times a week.

last week, i had another squamous cell carcinoma removed from my other leg. that makes three so far. now this is nothing as serious as  melanoma, and i do not have to do anything further as far as treatment goes. this one was about half the size of the other two. my dermatologist said, " good eye, bea, you are getting good at this!". well, i really do not want to get good at finding skin cancers on my body, but i am trying to be proactive and take care of myself. this is just another reminder, as if i needed one, to try to enjoy life, appreciate my family and friends, and try to take care of myself. i do not want to put my family through the pain of losing a parent/spouse.

i hope that everyone out there is taking the time to get some rest ( we cancer survivors need that at all times of the year, but especially now). enjoy the little things- watch holiday movies, pop popcorn, play a board game with your family. probably there is a whole generation out there who has no idea what board games are. imagine, no batteries or game system required! last year for Thanksgiving, our power went out for several hours. my grown children were all visiting, and they were scattered all through the house. my son was playing video games, my daughter was watching TV, etc. when the lights went out, everyone gathered in our kitchen. we had found an oil lamp, and my husband made a fire in the fireplace. pretty soon, my son was entertaining everyone with a funny story. we laughed and laughed that evening. it was one of the best Thanksgivings that i have ever had. ( i will have to admit that we did get our dinner in before the power went off).

i hope that no one  loses their power over the holidays , but i do hope that you can find the time to be together as a family. appreciate this time and hold the memory in your heart forever. that is my Christmas wish for all of you!

All i want for Christmas is a nap!!

is everyone as exhausted as i am? this time of the year is so much fun- so exciting, so many things to do. but it is so hectic. along with work and our "regular chores" we have so many extra things to do. i love shopping( to a point, that is). i have to admit that LLbean ,amazon.com, and a couple of other places are some of my  best friends. just point and click! free shipping, no waiting in line at the mall and best of all, i can shop in my pajamas! i am finding out that the older i get, the more i shop on line. i am proud to say that i have never, ever been shopping on black friday( too scary for me). frankly, i have never seen anyone offer savings that are  worth risking life and limb.

as usual, i am behind in most things" Christmas". i have not sent out Christmas cards, or wrapped any gifts yet. my house is decorated though- inside and out. my husband wants to have an open house for our neighbors sometime next week. the thought really terrifies me! i have to decide soon,though, so i can send out invitations. it would be a casual drop-in kind of thing. of course, i would have to cook. i love to cook, but i am not sure that i could get everything ready in time. sometimes i really wish that i could borrow martha stewart for a day or two. but i get tired just watching her show sometimes. where does she get the energy to do all those crafts? and making your own chocolate chips for chocolate chip cookies? really?

 i will probably have my neighbors over.i have wonderful neighbors, and it is nice to get together during the holidays and chat a bit. so...... nobody will think that martha stewart catered my get together. and someone  just might spot a dust bunny somewhere in the house. hopefully, i will be able to remind myself that the fellowship is the important thing, and not homemade chocolate chips. and i have ten days...no, make it nine, to get all of my Christmas stuff done. i sincerely hope that all of you are enjoying the holidays, not overdoing things, and maybe, just maybe have time for a little nap.

Welcome to the world, Gabriel Robert!!

i have a brand new grandson- my first grandchild! he was born on saturday, december 3rd at 1:16pm. i was at work( of course) but the next day after work, i had the car all packed and my husband and i headed on down to the hospital. he lives about 4 hours from us. i wish that  it was  not so far, but i am not going to let that slow me down. i got to spend the night, and we got to see them( they checked out on monday) for most of the next day.

he is so beautiful! dark hair, and dark blue eyes. the pediatrician told my son  that gabriel's  eyes would probably stay dark blue( they are the same color that my husband and daughter have). he has my son's nose, and my dad's large hands and fingers. my dad had strong hands and it makes me happy that gabriel will,too.  my son and daughter-in-law used robert- after my dad- for his middle name. i think that is just so sweet. the only thing that he got from me, that i can tell so far anyway, is my unfortunate habit of hiccuping at the drop of a hat! wow, what a thing to pass on to a little one. evidently he hiccups non-stop, several times a day. i know babies do this, but my babies did not do it quite as much as little gabriel does. hopefully, in a little while, the hiccuping will abate a little. i thought about slipping him some cola syrup( works like a charm), but when i mentioned it my daughter-in-law looked a little horrified. i told them to check with the pediatrician, of course, since he is so little.

the first time that i held him was at the hospital. he was a little fussy by the time we got down there, so he cried. i was afraid that he would cry every time that i held him! what if he did  not like me or something? but the next day, i held him a lot and he did not mind it- in fact, now  i can get him to go to sleep pretty easily, unless he is hungry of course! he needs his mom for that( she is breast feeding). i am so proud of my son- i love to look at him looking at gabriel. and he jumped right in there and has changed as many ( or more) dirty diapers as my daughter-in-law. i can tell that he is going to be a wonderful, " hands on" daddy.

the Christmas season has been sad without my dad. and of course, i have wanted to call him with news of gabriel. there are just so many things that i would love to share with my dad. we talked every day, and of course, he always stayed with us during the holidays. but gabriel could not have come at a better time. that little seven pound bundle of joy has really lifted the spirits of everyone in our family.

Welcome back, it has been a long time.......

i have been grieving. try as i might, i could not force myself to write in my blog because writing this is a joyful experience for me. i have not been able to experience any joy, really, since my dad got sick- on august 14th, and try as i and all his doctors might, passed away on october 10th.

my dad was a wonderful person, to me and many others. he was in excellent health, and drove where he wanted to go- mostly, and lived his life as he chose to- visiting his friends, attending his church, visiting my sister and me, and of course talking to and visiting his beloved grandchildren.

he was never worried about himself. after mom passed away a couple of years ago, he told us that he just wanted to spend whatever time he had left with his family. before he passed away, i was able to tell him that my full body scan, ultrasound and blood work all were negative. he told me that the news i am cancer-free really "eased his mind".  i did not tell him that i have to go back for ultrasounds and blood work every six months, since my cancer had spread a bit. i did not want to worry him. speaking of worry, i asked my endocrinologist if i am cancer free in five years am i "home free"?  she said not necessarily- she had a patient just last week, who after SEVEN  years had a recurrence of her cancer. oh, well, you know what? i am not going to worry about that. i will get my tests done, but i have a stronger sense of what is important and the even more urgent  need to live my life to the fullest. my dad was 85, but did not look a day over 70. he walked a mile and a half every day, and was ( so we thought) in very good health.

the thanksgiving holiday was difficult. but i urge everyone who is dealing with the loss of a family member to consider spending the holidays in a different way. in the past, i always cooked dinner, and my parents, and later just my dad, along with my children and their spouses, came to my house. my dad would spend  a few days with us. this year, our family had thanksgiving at my daughters house. we spent wednesday night with her and her husband. oh, and wednesday night- even though we probably should have been cooking- we went to zumba. it was the class she goes to at the honky tonk bar. i have to admit that i had fun. i really, really have missed zumba. i have just now gone back, as i am sure my dad would have wanted me to do. yes, it is exercise for sure, but i love it. it is so much fun.( i even purchased a belly scarf- red, of course, for the holidays)

my son and his wife are expecting my first grandchild in december . his name is gabriel robert. robert- after my dad. it was so sweet of my son and daughter-in-law to name him after my dad. my son and i both cried when he told me. i think this is the part of my blog where i should have elton john singing "the circle of life" or something like that. it really is true,though. i am still grieving, but slowly regaining my joy. gabriel will be a big part of that process. returning to my blog, and yes, zumba, will also help.

thanks to all of you out there who have had patience with me. those of you who have checked to see if i have written a new blog, who have not written me off ( no pun intended). i will try my best not to disappoint you. i hope that everyone had a great thanksgiving- spent in a joyful way, giving thanks for our families and friends. giving thanks,too, for our lives and what we make of them.

P-L-E-E-E-E-Z-E excuse my math!!

it seems to me that some people think that cancer has an awfully lot to do with math. i will give you some examples. for one thing, only 5% of all thyroid nodules are cancerous. if you, like me, are in that elite 5%, that percentage has a whole different meaning( or none at all, perhaps). trust me, when my doctor called to tell me that i had cancer, i was not thinking about the other 95% of the population. i guess that you could say that 95% is an A, and i had just flunked the biopsy exam.

another example is from the american cancer society. according to them, here are the 5 year survival rates for three types of thyroid cancer:

papillary, stage I: 100%. stage II: 100%, stage III : 93%

follicular: stage I: 100%, stage II: 100%, stage III: 71%

medullary: stage I: 100%; stage II: 98%, stage III: 81%

compare these to breast cancer survival rates: stage I: 96%, stage II: 84%, stage III: 52%

perhaps this is why thyroid cancer is known(among those who  do not have thyroid cancer) as the "good cancer". this is another one of my pet peeves. who can call any cancer "good" for heavens sake! since i was diagnosed with stage III papillary cancer, i am in the 93% group. to be honest, that makes me a little nervous. let's face it, it is barely an A! joking aside, i am thankful that i had papillary stage III  and not follicular or medullary. worse still, and i will not talk about this one, is anaplastic .but if you are curious, it only, (thankfully ) accounts for 1.6% of all thyroid cancers. it is a " get your affairs in order quickly"  cancer. by that i mean that less than 1% of people diagnosed with anaplastic thyroid cancer are alive after just two years. sure does not sound too good to me.

i know that these percentages come from years of study and research. i have seen some variation,though, depending on the source. does that make a difference to me? not really. i did not even want to know what stage cancer i had until i was nearing my treatment. how could it have helped me? i think that it would only have discouraged me. when i was ready to find out, i was prepared to "fight" and do whatever i could to get better. being tested for cancer, then finding out that you have cancer is tough. so is surgery, treatment, the  after effects from your surgery and treatment , emotional issues,etc. . i think that it is good to take one step at a time. do the best that  you can do at each level and maintain as positive an attitude as you possibly can. knowledge is power- read all that you can, from reliable sources. but never lose hope. we are not machines. math percentages do not define us. in my career as a health professional, i have seen some  stage I cancer patients die quickly, and some  stage IV patients live a good long life.

hope, faith, love, the will to live- these things  factor into those percentages. and i can say that i am 100% sure of that!!