Saturday, February 11, 2012

" I was born under a wanderin' star, i was born under a wanderin' star; wheels are made for rollin', mules are made to pack, i've never seen a site that didn't look better looking back...mud can make you prisoner, and the plains can bake you dry. snow can burn your eyes, but only people make you cry. ..when i get to heaven tie me to a tree. or i'll begin to roam and soon you'll know where i will be. i was born under a wanderin' star, a wanderin', wanderin' star. " I was born under a wanderin' star" various artists, from the movie " paint your wagon"

my family and everyone who knows me well would laugh to think that i believe this song describes me. but it does, really. but not in the way you might think. sure, i am a home body- big time. i would much rather rent a movie and eat in rather than go out. and my idea of a great vacation is to stay home and remodel, or work on the yard. o.k., i do like a week at the beach in the fall (fall weather is perfect for a freckled, redhead) but i am always so happy to get back home. i miss the familiar- my house, my dogs and cat,etc.

the reason i think that this song describes me is that i feel that my life is somehow connected to a wanderin' star. not that anyone knows how their life will turn out, but it seems that mine has taken so many twists and turns lately. i could never imagine losing both of my parents in the space of three  years, and being diagnosed with cancer in between that.i have never been bitter or angry about having cancer. i know that so many people have it much worse than i do. i see it at work almost every day. i have never felt sorry for myself either- for just that reason. so what if a lot of my hair fell out after my I-131 treatment? at least i had most of my hair.  i see bald women every day who bravely deal with chemo for their breast cancer. so what if i had nausea ( almost vomiting, but not quite) for a week or so  after the I-131? so many cancer patients  get prescriptions filled for anti-nausea medications and my heart goes out to them.

i saw the movie 50-50 last night. (yes, we watched it at home). i cried through a lot of it. especially the part when the young guy's doctor tells him that he has cancer. the doctor had a terrible bedside manner, but more than that, the guy reacted a lot like i did. he blocked out most of what the doctor said and could only hear two words- his name and the word cancer. this is a common reaction, i think, after what i have read and heard from other people. another part that got to me was how alone the cancer patient felt. yes, i had wonderful support from my family and friends, but let's face it- when it comes to the surgery, dealing with the issues, doctor's appointments,etc, YOU ALONE have to deal with these things. the night before the cancer surgery is terrifying. you are not sure if you will even make it through the surgery. you are not sure of the outcome, or what other treatment lies ahead.

even though my star seems to be dragging me through situations that i could never imagine having to deal with, i still remain positive. i have tried to make the best of everything and keep on going. a lot of people have commented on my excess of energy. really?? i do not think i am very energetic. i just keep moving so that i can get things done  that are important to me. i do admit that occasionally  i push on past my limit, but i really do try to get more rest than i did before i got sick. sleep is good- just ask dr. oz!

to follow up, i got the cortisone injection in my knee, and it was not as bad as i thought that it would be. i would certainly recommend it for anyone suffering from chronic knee pain. i am not back to zumba yet, but i see it in my future. my rheumatologist wants me to start walking some before i just jump back into zumba. i will be wearing two slip on knee braces to help protect my knees, but i am so excited at the prospects of going back to class. i will just have to be more careful this time. instead of "knee twisty" moves, i will be the one shaking her booty (and belly scarf coins) . and here's hoping my wanderin' star leaves me alone- for a little while at least.

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