in between my thyroid cancer in 2010, and my breast cancer in 2015, i had an unfortunate experience with a kidney stone. what caused it is up for debate, but bottom line is that i had to have surgery to remove it. it was painful, and i do not want to have one again. last month, i began to exhibit symptoms similar to my first encounter with " the rolling stone." everything bad thing that you hear about kidney stones, is true by the way! pain,stents, etc, it is in a class by itself. so, i went to my family doctor first- to get an x-ray and discuss the problem. my family doctor did an x-ray, and thought he saw " two suspicious areas" on the x-ray. uh-oh. what did that mean? i was having some of the symptoms as i had the first time, but not all of them. i asked for a referral to my urologist, and made the appointment. my most unsettling symptom was pain in my back and around my side. not like when my kidney dropped it like a rock into my bladder the first time, and subsequently i dropped to the floor. but this time i had a dull and constant aching pain.
upon looking at yet another x-ray, my urologist was not so sure that i had one or two kidney stones. my insurance company would not pay for a CT stone study like both my primary care physician and urologist wanted, bless the insurance company's black heart, but they did approve an ultrasound. i have had to wait for that ultrasound for several weeks now. during that time, i let my imagination run away with me. you probably guessed it- i was worried that i might have kidney cancer. after you have had cancer once or twice, it does not seem all that implausible that you could have cancer again. i try so hard not to be neurotic about my health. i never used to worry about getting sick. really,seriously sick, i mean. sore throats, sinus infections,etc. happened sometime. but cancer? no way! as i have said before, the thyroid cancer was not totally unexpected because i had had thyroid nodules for a while. when they started growing, i knew something bad was happening. but the breast cancer really was a surprise and not a happy one, of course.
so today, finally, i had the appointment for the ultrasound. i did not sleep well last night. i imagined that the next step might be a biopsy, and then what? good thing that they hardly ever check my blood pressure when i go to the urologist, because it would have probably been near stroke level. embarrassingly enough, i have the " white coat syndrome". i used to wear a white coat every day, for goodness sake! i talked to doctors and nurses all day. i was not afraid of them, i was afraid of what they might discover, i suppose. and one other thing. my urologist does not do a " clean catch" for women. oh no, they use a catheter for us. that is enough reason to send my blood pressure into the call 911 range. . but today, for the first time, the nurse handed me a cup! i looked at the nurse and said " REALLY??". I GET A CUP TODAY?? i grabbed the cup and ran before she could change her mind.
so, my urologist did not see anything suspicious on the ultrasound. he said that he would have felt better if my insurance had allowed me to have a CT scan, but he said my kidneys looked just fine. false alarm, thankfully. no cancer. i am to come back if things get worse, or other symptoms pop up. i am probably the only person who wants to go to the grocery store, it was a health food store- by the way, to celebrate. but my sweet husband took me to the " food matters"store to get a few goodies. life is good again. the consensus is that i twisted some muscles in my back and side, somehow, and this combined with some side effects of the anastrazole ( a chemotherapy drug that i take every day to prevent a breast cancer recurrence ) were to blame. i hope that there comes a day, before too long, when i do not think " it might be cancer" right off the bat. i am not sure how many others have this " could it be cancer?" syndrome. i know that some of my close friends have this disorder. and i think it is a part of post traumatic stress. i am a worrier, but having had cancer twice takes things to a whole other level.
so i went yippity, skippity, out of the health food store today, celebrating my good fortune at not having cancer again. you might be interested in knowing what i bought. i got some organic asparagus, an avocado,some lettuce, and of course, some chocolate. but it is o.k. after all, the chocolate is organic.
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