"living for tomorrow, only takes away today. can we be happy like children, they're not afraid to lose their way; and if they walk in the wrong direction, they will never go astray;...cause when i sing with a heart of a lion, nothing can stand in my way. ... it takes my fears away." lyrics from heart of a lion, by alex boye

first of all i would like to thank my son dylan,  for introducing me to the music of alex boye. if you have never listened to his song " lemonade" you should. it was my theme song during my treatment for breast cancer. i still listen to the song fairly often, and i always get teary eyed when i come to the part in the song when he sings " you were saved for a reason". i will admit that i write this blog partly as therapy for myself. but a major motivating factor in writing about my treatment, my travails, experiences,etc. is to hopefully help others.

in my last blog, i talked about PTSD and other issues that we cancer patients deal with after our diagnosis and treatment phases are completed. there is that " i want to be happy" issue that we all deal with. cancer took my joy, and i want it back, to paraphrase lucinda williams. happiness does not just drop from the sky, unfortunately; we have to actively seek happiness. one thing that came with my cancer diagnosis, was a deeper  appreciation of my family and friends. i received a lot of love and support from a lot of people. i am eternally grateful for this. even considering this, sometimes happiness is like an elusive bird in the sky. sometimes i can spot it in the sky flying high above me, and sometimes, just sometimes, the bird will come sit on my shoulder.

last night, for instance, that  bird of happiness was sitting on my shoulder. my husband and i attended my grandson's soccer game. my grandson is 5 years old. watching a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds play soccer is just  plain  joyful. sure, they stick to the soccer ball like velcro, but there is lots of bouncing, gymnastics( 3 or 4 players inevitably end up in the soccer net whenever someone scores), hand holding, hugging, shoe tying, laughing, playing outside of the lines, just to name a few things that happen during a game. i am happy to say that everyone, no matter what side you are pulling for, claps for the player(s) when a goal is miraculously made. no one keeps score, at least not officially, and both team members  feel like winners.

what made me the happiest last night, though, was when my grandson, without being prompted by his parents or coach, saw a little boy from the other team standing alone on the field. he went over to him, put his arm around his shoulders, gave him a big hug, and walked off the field with him. the kindness of children always amazes me. they help each other up when someone falls, no matter if they happen to be  their teammate or someone from the other team.

so everyone came away a winner last night. the children were happy, and the parents and grandparents enjoyed a game that while was not played exactly by the rules, was joyful. i am trying to catch that elusive bird of happiness. it takes some practice. it takes having the heart of a lion- not being afraid to go after it. living every day to the fullest and being present in the moment-  because tomorrow is never promised.