Tuesday, September 14, 2010

" If you see a faded sign by the side of the road that says: 15 miles to the love shack,love shack, yeah,yeah. ...I got me a car, it's as big as a whale, and we're heading on down to the love shack. I got me a Chrysler, and it seats about 20..." Love Shack by the B-52's

i love this song. it makes me happy every time that i hear it, and it makes me want to dance. i have tried to stay on the "straight and narrow" road that has been my life, but this summer, my road veered left. i was so caught off guard. i am still trying to correct my steering, but i have not yet managed it. i am not ready to swim in a pool with all of my clothes on, as Laura linney's character did in the" Big C" , but i do need to break out and do more stuff. not work stuff, not chore stuff, but fun stuff.

i do not see how anyone can face a serious illness like this and not make changes. unless of course you are in denial. if you believe that you can just go on like before , and not have some self reflection, or attitude adjustments,then you are fooling yourself, i think. i have an ultrasound coming up this month. is my doctor looking for my pesky parathyroids? or worse, is she checking out my latent lymph nodes? i will not know the answer to this until later on. i will just have to deal with it the best way that i can, in the most positive way that i can.

seems that some decisions- some curves in the road, if you will, demand that we acknowledge them and make adjustments.i am trying not to get discouraged about not having enough energy to do the things that i enjoy- zumba, walking my dogs, etc. i hope that in time, my energy will pick up and i will feel better. i have been in denial a little bit about this- trying to wear the "super woman costume". but i just need to be more patient with myself. i will eventually get back to the new normal, whatever that is. 

we should all value our time here on earth. ride down your road in a great big car- living life to the fullest, laughing all that you can, and loving others well. oh, and "don't forget to bring your jukebox money."!


  1. Bea,
    I am feeling like you did when you were waiting for your test results. I called the dr's office 2 times today and the girl told me the dr. would call me.. guess what its' about 7:30 p.m. here and no call yet..geez. I love how you put that you were in denial trying to wear the superwoman costume. that is exactly how i am feeling. i have not grasp all of this yet and that kind of scares me. I can't seem to cry about it.. that is not me cause I am a crying person usually. Well I hope that tomorrow I will hear something ...take care my friend

  2. oh, i hope that you hear from your doctor soon, and that the news is all good. i think that it is just too much-too serious- to absorb it all. sometimes i want to cry, but i swear that i can feel my tears in my throat,choking me. crying would be a good release, but actually i am not a crying person myself. if i do, i barricade myself in the bathroom where i can be alone. please let me know how you are doing and i will be thinking of you and praying for you as well!

  3. oh my gosh!So true...not crying about this veering in the road must be common & I didn't even get it. It's like you can't or you will lose momentum in the all consuming desire to keep going forward?! Are we such caregivers that we can't take the time to care for ourselves? Thanks for the reflection time you offer. I feel like I never took the time during the illness & it feels good to ponder a little now.
    As for our search for significance in the medical establishment...it's taken 2 months and the last 2 wks of hounding to even get a referral to an Endo. My g.p. fought me, even though he admits he's never seen a thyroid cancer pt before & can't answer my questions.
    Bea, the superwoman costume is a good analogy I can relate to. Tried it, stupidly and now am thankful to be off that escalator & enjoying life & people more. I hope you can make the necessary changes soon. Thanks again!