" When i am worried and can not sleep, i count my blessings instead of sheep, and I fall asleep counting my blessings. When my bankroll is getting small, i think of when i had none at all, and i fall asleep, counting my blessings. ..So if you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep, and you'll fall asleep counting your blessings." "Count your blessings instead of sheep." this song is from the movie White Christmas

corny as it may be, that is what i do now. i have some trouble sleeping( as you can see by the time of this post!), but i try every night to count my blessings. i have had  so much happen to me this year; some bad, some good. but my" Pollyanna self"  tries to focus on the good things. one of the major things that i am thankful for is this blog. i have been able to express my feelings and meet some great people along the way. i sincerely hope that i have been able to provide information and support to some other people who have had to face the same "challenges" that i have. one of my dreams is that thyroid cancer will come to be better understood by doctors and patients alike, and will receive the attention it deserves. i hope that more people are diagnosed earlier, and the treatment becomes better.

i have been distressed to read the bad press that RAI treatment has gotten lately. it is the best, in my opinion, treatment option that thyroid cancer patients have available at this time. some people have even gone so far as to condemn this therapy, and call patients receiving this treatment "dirty bombs". i am a wife,mother,daughter,health professional, but i have never been a "dirty bomb". i adhered to all of the rules regarding my RAI, so i think that what we need here is not name calling, but education for patients as well as health professionals, and oh ,of course, the "experts". by experts i am referring to those journalists and some politicians who have  condemned  RAI treatment without any  compassion  to patients receiving the treatment. there needs to be more education and understanding in my opinion. o.k. off your soap box,bea!!

i hope that everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving! what a perfect time to count all of our blessings. i am thankful for my wonderful family and friends most of all. without their love and support, it would have been so much harder to make this journey. i have learned that cancer journeys, like life journeys, are better shared with loved ones and friends. i hope that everyone can enjoy and make the best of their own journey.

"They paved paradise, put up a parking lot. With a pink hotel, a boutique, and a swinging hot spot. Don't it always seem to go, That you don't know what you've got till its gone.....They took all the trees, and put them in a tree museum. And they charged all the people a dollar and a half just to see them. ...Hey farmer farmer, put away the DDT now. Give me spots on my apples, but leave me the birds and the bees, PLEASE!" Big Yellow Taxi, by Joni Mitchell

i love this song. it used to be the  "ring back" tone on my cell phone. you may wonder what it has to do with my blog- there are a couple of things. first, sometimes you really do not appreciate certain things in your life until they are gone. i lost my peace of mind a bit when i was so worried about the possibility of having breast cancer. by the way, FALSE ALARM !! in the first mammogram that i had done, my skin somehow overlapped and it looked like i had a growth or whatever in there. yesterday, i went back to have another " more intense" mammogram- two views this time. it was a " hold on, try not to cry, and hold your breath"  mammogram! the technician said, now hold your breath, and don't move! what she did not realize was that i had been holding my breath since she tightened the "clamp" about the second time. i was going for a world record in breath holding, and nobody knew it but me! a regular mammogram is not like this, so i do not want to discourage anyone in getting one. we owe it to ourselves and our families to take care of ourselves.

the second thing that  i like about this song is the part about the "spots on the apples". i have been eating organic food for a few years  now . while of course i do not know if food additives/preservatives contributed to my thyroid cancer, i do not think that they are good for us. and organic food just tastes better! i have my six months cancer free ( hopefully!) anniversary coming up on Sunday, November 21st. i am taking organic cupcakes to work to celebrate. you can make just about anything "organically". i am making devils food cupcakes, with a peppermint butter cream frosting. i am topping them with crushed organic candy canes. yes, you can buy organic candy canes!

after my super mammogram yesterday, and the good news, i celebrated by doing a little "retail therapy" and i also went to Zumba! most of us wear  these belly scarves- i have described them in an earlier blog, but to refresh any one's memory, they are sheer scarves that tie around your waist. they come in beautiful colors( i have two- a black one and a blue one) and have lots and lots  of gold or silver "coins" on them. they make a fun sound when you move. my goal is to dance some of my coins off!! when i first started wearing my scarf, i did not make too much noise. now, however, i can "cha-ching" with the best of them!

once again, i feel like i have dodged a bullet, so to speak. but i am tired of having cancer, or the possibility of having cancer. i am done. i just want to live my life, and be my new normal. i have learned a lot from thyroid cancer. i have met so many great people, and have shared so many experiences, but where do i go from here? one option that i , along with another thyroid cancer survivor, am exploring is the idea of providing "chunky necklaces"  for women who have just had their surgery. i am not sure how we would do it, but if we could just provide a little hope and support to a few people, it would be great. i will elaborate later on, as this unfolds. until then, Zumba! on, or do whatever it is that makes your heart happy!!

"Well, i started out down a dirty road, Started out all alone. And the sun went down, as i cross the hill. And the town lit up, the world got still. I'm learning to fly, but i ain't got wings. Coming down, is the hardest thing. Well, some say life will beat you down. Break your heart, steal your crown. So I've started out for God knows where. I guess I'll know, when i get there. " Learning to Fly, by Tom Petty

i have two things to talk about today. one, is an update on my mammogram. i can not be seen in the Hope Center until i have another, more intense mammogram and ultrasound. then if i do need a biopsy( and as these things usually turn out, i have a feeling that i will) i can get a referral to the center. not exactly what i wanted, but i can understand things so far. i will NOT have a biopsy anywhere else,though. this is on a  recommendation from someone that i know. she had a biopsy at the place where i am going, and at the Hope Center. she said that it was a terrible experience at the first place, and a very different, as good as it can be under the circumstances, at the Hope Center. i don't know about you, but with that in mind, i am not in for a bad experience. considering all that i have been through this year, i do not think that anyone would blame me. i have my additional testing, on Nov. 16th. of course, i will let everyone how that goes. and for all you foot draggers, please,please schedule your mammogram!! it is way important even  if  you have not had a cancer diagnosis this year.

the second thing i would like to ask  everyone is to get a skin check. i had one today- a full body check, which is something that my dermatologist has been asking me to do for a while. i have red hair and freckles, as you have probably noticed from my pictures. my mom and dad did not know about the dangers of too much sun, so my dermatologist and i are good friends now. LOL . i have had some "actinic Keratosis" which are precancerous lesions removed from my face and hands from time to time. i had one "frozen" off of my nose today. but i am afraid that today  i also  had a skin cancer on my leg. it was a circular,round, red area. not raised, did not hurt; looked like a fungus to me. several tubes of OTC fungus cream later, i decided  that i should get it checked out. it just looked "funny", you know? my dermatologist numbed me up good and took a pretty bit chunk out of my leg. he is going to send it off, but he is 99% sure that it is a Basel cell carcinoma. before you get out the Kleenex, it is o.k. that is all i have to do. it will take a while to heal, he said because it is on my leg, and it was pretty big. he gave me a prescription antibiotic ointment, and sent me on my way.  ( i did get an invitation to come back to see him sooner, now)

i know that the last thing we want to do after we have endured surgery, RAI, extensive blood work, etc. is go to another doctor!! but we owe it to ourselves and our families to take care of ourselves. i think that my lowered  immunity ( my body was working over time trying its best to kick the cancer out of my thyroid) may have opened the door, so to speak to a few  other things. at any rate, i am trying my best to figure out where i am going. oh, i am going to Zumba! tonight. miss zumba for a little surgery? heck no! i will just take some ibuprofen before i go. i truly,truly need those endorphins today!!

"You can't start a fire, you can't start a fire without a spark.....even if we're just dancing in the dark. ..I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face....There's a joke somewhere, and it's on me. ...You can't start a fire, worrying about your little world falling apart, this gun's for hire, even if we're just dancing in the dark." Dancing in the Dark, by Bruce Springsteen

well, i just had my little world turned upside down this week. i had my routine mammogram done this past Wednesday, along with my yearly pap smear. the old "mammy and pappy" as a dear friend of mine calls them. i got a call back on Thursday, and i just assumed that it was something about my insurance information. it was from the "imaging nurse counselor", though. now who is that, and what did they want with me? when i finally got in touch with her, she said that there was an "asymmetrical" "something" on one side, perhaps a lymph node or cyst? that was not there last year, and that i needed to come back for additional testing. they did not want to wait for a letter to get to me (!). she said that the scheduler was off work already, and that she would call me first thing tomorrow. is that not the best line ever- "we'll call you first thing in the morning"- second only to "the check's in the mail", i think. of course, i did not hear from them until  i had called them back twice, and by then it was nearly lunch time. the scheduler made an appointment for a more thorough ultrasound,mammogram or whatever, and she said that the radiologist would be there and they could tell me more on that day. that day, by the way, is over two weeks away!

so i did what i usually do in this case:  i felt sorry for myself for a few hours, cried a bit, then decided to take matters into my own hands! there is a really nice center in Asheville,NC called the Hope Center for Breast Cancer. all they do is mammograms and biopsies( i really think that  ultimately i will need a biopsy, so why not go to a place that specializes in this?) this center is also affiliated with the MD Anderson Cancer Center, and i have heard so many good things about it. i had to call my gynecologists office, he had to review the report, and his office has to make the referral. the Hope Center was supposed to call me back on Friday, but i did not hear from them. i figured that by the time my gynecologists office called them, it was too late to schedule. i am going to follow up on Monday before i go to work( i work the evening shift) and be sure things are moving along. see, i am taking my own good advice and being in charge of my own health care issues!

did i want to go back to the doctor? heck no. but i feel that women, especially those of us who have gotten a cancer diagnosis, need to be sure to keep up with our yearly "maintenance" health appointments. i really am not sure what to think about things at this point. i do not fit the model of "breast cancer patient", as i breast fed both of my children, and no one in my family has ever had breast cancer. of course, plenty of women who get breast cancer do not fit the model, either. i am hoping this is nothing, i am PRAYING this is nothing. i wanted to share this with all of you as a reminder  to you all to  keep those mammogram, colonoscopy,skin check,etc, appointments. it is so important- especially to those of us who have had cancer.

as for now, i am just waiting; i certainly have done this before. i was just beginning to feel "normal" again. of course, my life, as i have  said  many times before, will never be the same as it was, and that is a good thing. i am  hanging in there. i went to Zumba Saturday, and zumba-ed until i almost dropped! ( my brain really needed those endorphins! lol) i do feel a little like i am "dancing in the dark" though. i am dancing my heart out, i am just not sure where my path will be taking me.

" Well, it's all right, riding around in the breeze. Well, it's all right, if you live life as you please. Well, it's all right, doing the best that you can. Well, it's all right, long as you lend a hand. You can sit around and wait for the phone to ring, waiting for someone to tell you everything. Sit around and wonder what tomorrow will bring, maybe a diamond ring. Well, it's all right, even if you are old and gray, Well, it's all right, you still got something to say. Well, it's all right, remember to live and let live. Well, it's all right, the best you can do is forgive. " End of the Line, by the Traveling Wilburys

some would say that it is too bad that it took me  having cancer  to make some positive life changes. i think that probably it does take something major to get our attention, and send us in another, more correct direction. i wondered, like a lot of you, if after i got over the initial panic and urgency of my disease if i would truly be a different person. the answer, i think that i can say now, is yes.

for one thing, i am taking way better care of myself. i really had no idea how much better i would feel getting regular exercise. i can go into my zumba class feeling tired and depressed( wondering how on earth i am going to do the dances and keep up) and leave feeling happy and energized. part of it is the release of those "happy chemicals" that our brains enjoy when we exercise, but another part of it i think, is the fact that i am actually doing something good for myself. for that one hour i am doing something for myself and no one else. you know, it could be spin class, raquetball ( my husband loves these, and he does that while i am in my zumba class) or anything you enjoy. the main thing, is that you think enough of yourself and go out and do something!

i enjoy helping people. i get to do a lot of that at work, and most of the time my job is very satisfying. but i also enjoy the small stuff - like sending people cards, making cupcakes or whatever for my neighbors or co-workers, even holding the door for an elderly person. i would say, it's no big deal, but hey, it makes them happy and it makes me happy. i think that it is the little things that define our lives.

i get the feeling now that i am here for some purpose, and that i should try to make the best of things and enjoy my life. what i have to offer is not newsworthy, or likely to change the world, but i feel that it is important none the less. i used to feel guilty if i took time for myself-whether it was a hair appointment,shopping trip,etc, i think  that as caregivers- moms, wives,daughters we feel the need to take care of everyone else and we put ourselves last on the list. it is easier for me now, as my husband and i are empty nesters, to be able to do things for myself. having cancer has made me examine my life- what i want to do, and what is important to me. i feel almost like i have finally woken up in my life, and have stopped fumbling around in the dark. i know where i am going, and i know what i want to do to get there. however this turns out, and i know my prognosis is better than with some other cancers, i want to be able to say that i did my best, and had fun along my journey.

" Well, it's a one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go,cat,go. But don't you, step on my blue suede shoes. Well, you can do anything, but lay off of my blue suede shoes." Blue Suede Shoes by the king, Elvis

All sports require that one wears certain uniforms or particular clothes. Zumba is no exception. i have been attending zumba classes for several weeks now, so i thought that i would list the items that you can purchase for zumba and tell you( in my humble opinion) which ones i think are necessary or not.

Zumba Shirts: these are tee shirts that say "ZUMBA!" across the front of the shirt. you can decide for yourself, but i am not quite at the age where i need to look down at my shirt to see where i am ( thank goodness!). they are cute- come in several styles and colors, but expensive. the tee shirts that i buy at Walmart work just fine for me. i would say Zumba! shirts are optional.

Zumba pants: again, these have the " ZUMBA!" logo on them, but they also have numerous zippers accentuated with very colorful tags. are all of these zippers/tags for emergency exits or something? i have not decided, but the black workout pants that i purchased from a department store ( on sale) work fine for me. the way i calculated it, i could have 2 & 1/2 pairs of my workout pants for one pair of ZUMBA! pants. again, optional, i think.

Belly scarf: sheer scarves in different colors, embellished with what looks like about a hundred "gold coins". i love them!! i tried not to cave, but i reasoned that the cha-ching sound they made would help me to know if i was moving correctly.( or maybe the cha-ching sound was coming from our instructor?) anyway, they make me happy, were not too expensive, so i got one. a little bling is a good thing, i think.

Sports bra: never had one, but my daughter insisted that i get one. i ordered one on-line, and it came in the mail the other day- complete with instructions on how to put it on! it is still lying on my table- looking at me, but i am planning on wearing it today to zumba class( provided i can get it on!). i figured, like an Agent 007's martini, my girls are better off stirred, not shaken.

Dance shoes" this one is a biggie. i resisted on this,too. after all, i had just bought a new pair of tennis shoes right before i started Zumba, so why not use them? regular tennis shoes grab the floor. they resist or dig in, when you need to move quickly or slide from side to side( we do a lot of this). dance shoes have a special sole- it has a circular pattern that lets you slide easier. they also have better side support when you are shifting your feet, or shaking your booty. my daughter( as well as my very swollen knee) finally won out. i bought a pair of dance shoes and they really do make things easier and more comfortable. they actually cost less than my tennis shoes, oh, well, i will use them for my walks.

the only other thing that you need for Zumba, besides a very large bottle of water, is the desire to have fun, and the ability to laugh at yourself. i do a lot of that! but, hey, you can do anything, but stay the heck off of my blue suede ( dance) shoes!!

" Come gather round people wherever you roam, and admit that the waters around you have grown. And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone. If your time to you is worth saving. Ahh, you better start swimming, or you'll sink like a stone. For the times they are a changing. " Times Are a Changing, by Bob Dylan

Things are really changing for me this year! in so many ways- health wise, the way i look at my place in the world, oh, and in the world of communications. here is a brief summary of a conversation that took place last week between my daughter and son.

my son:" OMG, MOM'S ON FACEBOOK!!"
my daughter: " Yeah, i know, i helped her get started.
my son: " What were you THINKING!!?"
my daughter: " don't worry, i gave her the rules."

~~~~~ earlier that week~~~~~~

my daughter: " now mom, my friends will be able to see WHATEVER it is that you write on my wall."
me:" hum, a wall?? i thought it was a book"
my daughter: " do not write anything too personal, o.k.? save that stuff for our emails."
me:" you mean that i can talk about when you were a little girl, and you........"
my daughter: " MOM!!!"
me:" okeydokey.

yes, i am on facebook now. my blog is my first love,though. it has really helped me through some tough times, helped me deal with my situation, and be fortunate enough to make some new friends through shared experiences.

another change for me is where i am in my cancer treatment. phase one- the awful one- doctors, surgery,treatment, is over ( hopefully) for the time being. i will still have to have blood work, scans,tests, and in fact they are already scheduled. but now i feel that the ball is in my court, so to speak. what do i need to do to help me feel better?one choice that i have made is to get exercise on a consistent basis. ( i took my zumba videos to the beach- what dedication! lol) my husband and i walked on the beach, and we did something that i have not done in at least a couple of years- we rode bicycles.

we went bike riding in a summer house development- paved roads, little to no traffic, pretty scenery. it was on the sound side of the beach. i had a rough  start- my front wheel wobbled a lot, but i got that pretty well under control. my bike is sort of old- it has a bell and a wire basket in front. my son said that all i needed was " Toto" and i would be good to go. how sweet.

anyway, i have a major problem of ending up wherever i am looking. we rode by this really pretty house with a nicely landscaped from yard- i should know because i paid them a visit! their lawn sprinklers were on, so it was a short visit. do you think they knew that i was coming? my husband did not point out a rather large duck pond, thank goodness, so i managed to stay on the pavement for the rest of the bike ride.

another change that i am pondering is the role diet plays  in our health and well being. i ordered a book on" super foods", and i am going to work on this. i really craved blueberries when i was undergoing my RAI treatment. a co-worker kindly supplied me with tons of these, and they are one of the few foods that did not add on to the nausea i was experiencing from the RAI. i later read that they are one of the super foods, and are supposed to help prevent cell death.

am i going to give up chocolate? NO! am i going to drink/eat/or whatever wheat grass? NO! but this connection between diet and overall good health intrigues me, and i am going to check it out. might help, couldn't hurt i guess. oh the times they are a changing... Mom's on facebook- now that is a scary thought for Halloween!!

"May God bless and keep you always, may your wishes all come true, may you always do for others, and let others do for you. May you build a ladder to the stars, climb on every rung, May you stay forever young. ... May you have a strong foundation when the winds of changes shift, may your heart always be joyful, may your song always be sung, and may you stay, forever young" Forever Young, by Bob Dylan

last night i went to see a Bob Dylan concert in Charlotte.he is my husbands favorite artist, but i like him,too. he put on a great concert. oh, he is getting older, and his voice is sure not what it used to be, but you can tell that he really loves to perform, and was just having a good time out there.he did not have a warm up band, surprisingly, and my husband and i got there just  in the nick of time. some people actually missed most of the concert because they thought that there would be a warm up band first. but Dylan and his band just came out there at 8pm sharp, and played for two hours. he played a mix of his good old stuff, and some of his newer songs. and you could even tell( pretty much) when he played his old material- if you have seen one of his concerts, you know what i am talking about!

Forever Young, is my all time favorite Bob Dylan song. i think that the lyrics are so beautiful. one  part that really speaks to me now, is the part about "may you have a strong foundation, when the winds of changes shift"- i am so thankful to have wonderful family members and friends who are constantly offering their support and love. the winds of change sure blew into my life this past April!! what  a major life event to have to deal with. but things are going better, and i am beginning to feel stronger and healthier.

the other part that i like is " may your heart always be joyful, may your song always be sung, may you stay, forever young". i hope that i can always have a joyful heart- and be young at heart,too. i can see  the joy in things better than before i got sick. i am talking about simple day to day stuff mostly. appreciating a beautiful day- fall leaves, pumpkins, beautiful potted mums, crisp fall air, sunshine,etc,  

my husband and i are going to be gone for a week's vacation at the beach. we rented an ocean front beach house and will be taking my dad with us. he is just as excited as we are. he has a young heart, i think, even though he is 84 years old. he is a joy to be around- he never complains about anything, and usually does whatever activity we pick out.

i will miss blogging, but i will be back a week from now, and i hope that everyone has a great week!!

"Birds flying high, you know how i feel, sun in the sky, you know how i feel...it's a new dawn, it's a new day,it's a new life for me, and i'm feeling good. dragonfly out in the sun, you know what i mean; butterflies all having fun, you know what i mean, sleep in peace when day is done, this old world is a new world, and a bold world for me." "Feeling Good", this one by Michael Buble

THIS IS MY 100th BLOG ENTRY!! all from someone who was not sure exactly what a blog really  was until shortly after i found out that  i had cancer! i have come a long way, in many things, actually. i feel like i have turned a major page, a chapter really , in my life book .i feel totally different than i did just 6 months ago- yes, it has been six months since i got that infamous phone call at work. i could never have guessed how much my life would change- for the better, i believe.

i have made so many great "email friends" because of this blog. they have offered me support, we have laughed together, and i sincerely hope that some people out there have benefited by our shared experiences. that was my number one objective when i decided to write this blog- that i might share some information that might help someone else. i did not expect all of the support and friendship that has come my way, but i am truly grateful.

if my life was a song, it would be sung in a minor key. but, there would be a lot of happy parts- or "movements" as my music major son would say. we all have our own song to sing i think, and it is best shared with others. as i was "singing myself home" this afternoon, i was thinking about what in the world i could write about for my 100th blog. when TV shows have a 100th episode, they get a cake and have a party or something. i think that i will bake a special cake on Friday. my daughter and son-in-law are coming home for the week-end. my son-in-law just had a birthday, so we can share the cake. i am going to make his favorite, i think- devils food, with a raspberry filling, frosted with chocolate butter cream . eat your heart out, Martha Stewart!!

thank you again to my family and friends. thanks so much to my new email friends, and to everyone who follows my blog. i really feel that " it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life, for me and i'm feeling good". i sincerely wish the same for all of you.

" We are the champions, my friend. And we"ll keep on fighting "till the end. We are the champions, we are the champions. No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions of the world." " We are the Champions" by Queen

yesterday i went to the wellness center in a town about 30 minutes away from my house. it is a college town, so the wellness center is a very,very nice facility and offers a lot of classes, including my beloved Zumba class. there were two things that were different about yesterday: one, i actually had some energy to go to Zumba after working my long week.  ever since my surgery/treatment, i have just collapsed after my long week- practically just slept all day on Monday and zombied out. it is a funny thing, but it is hard, and takes energy to exercise- but what do you get? you get some energy- you just have to push yourself a little. i am beginning to feel better and stronger than i have felt, really, since before my surgery. i was very sick, but did not know it. my previous doctor just called it "stress". i will not go off on the "blame it on stress" tangent here, but you know what i mean.

the second "different thing" is that i talked my husband into going with me! not to Zumba class- i do not think i could pay him enough money  to do that, but he worked out on some exercise machines first, then went down to the racquetball court. there was a college guy already there, so they had a game. my husband had about 30 years on the college dude, and my husband still  won the game!! the college guy said"Well, it has been about 3 months since i have played". my husband was nice and did not say that it had been a year since he had played racquetball!

we went ahead and joined the wellness center. i think that it  will be great for both of us- and something that we can do together. we filled out all of  the paper work and got ready to leave. my husband looked at me and said" ARE THOSE STAIRS, AND DO WE HAVE TO GO DOWN THEM??" do you think that he over did it a bit? we slowly made our way down the stairs to the parking lot. then, we stopped again. what in the world made us think that parking at the very end of the parking lot was a good idea?? as we were gingerly making our way to our car, a woman asked my husband who won, and he said, oh, i did. i thought to myself, well, here are two middle aged people, slowly making their way to their car after a wonderful workout. they look a little old and out of shape, but you know what? at that moment, i was thinking we certainly could be the "champions of the world!"

" It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down, I had the radio on, I was driving, Trees went by, me and Del were singing, Little runaway, I was flying, Yeah, running down a dream, that never would come to me, working on a mystery, going wherever it leads, running down a dream.....It felt so good, like anything was possible..." Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty

i do confess to singing in the car on the way to and from work! i have an hour round trip commute, so i take advantage of the time to "work on my voice". the way i figure it, i need to try to "exercise" my vocal cords a little so perhaps i will get more of my "original" voice back. i am still hoarse sometimes- like last night i was pretty hoarse. but i had worked my long week, including the week-end, so i was talking more than usual. i do miss being able to sing like i did before- i just sang for myself, it is not like it was my livelihood. on the pre-surgery form there was a question that said :" are you a professional singer?" my husband said put down yes!! that way maybe they will be more careful with your vocal cords. i did not say yes, of course, but i think the surgeon was as careful as he could be. besides exercising my vocal cords, i just like to sing. it makes me happy.

i saw a couple of commercials from the national cancer society- with different people singing " happy birthday" to cancer survivors. i like that commercial-i have mentioned this before. a friend of mine told me that she celebrated her " half birthday" now. nothing big, no presents, but just a cake and maybe a special dinner. i think that i will do this,too. it is a good time to reflect and be thankful, too.cancer has really changed my life forever. before, i have had minor " tests"- a close call on the highway, minor health issues, but nothing like this. after those events, i would just go back to business as usual after a few days or weeks. now,however, there is no going back to the way that things were before. and i mean this in a positive way.

for one thing, i am trying to take better care of myself. i think that as women, mothers, daughters,we tend to put ourselves last on the list. we take care of everyone else first, and then have little or no time for ourselves. i decided that i needed to take better care of my health( duh), for one thing. i have added regular exercise( ZUMBA!!) . oh it was not easy to start exercising. i first started with walking- just a few days after my surgery, i walked down my driveway a few times. then i walked to the mailbox and back( about a mile- you have to know were i live for this to make sense!) anyway, i found that exercise made me feel so much better- improved my strength, mood( my husband likes this) and general sense of well being.

i am considering things- even minor things- with a new attitude. yes, i am still caring for my family, but i am also asking myself if what i am planning to do will be good for me,too. i am making sure that i have time for myself- exercise, hair appointments, retail therapy, whatever. i want to be happy and appreciate my loved ones and the times that i have with them. i guess if it took a serious disease to make me do these things, then cancer was indeed a positive thing in my life.

"Don't worry, about a thing, cause every little thing, gonna be all right. ....Rise up this morning, smiled with the risin' sun, three little birds pitch by my doorstep. singing sweet songs, of melodies pure and sweet, this is my message to you-ou-ou- " Three little Birds, by Bob Marley

i have to sing this song to myself so that i do not worry too much. my daughter included it on my new CD of mixed songs that  she made for me. it is a "cheer mom up  and send positive thoughts her way" CD. i just love it, and besides i was about to wear the first CD out! that said though, i want to relay some important information about a friend of mine.

my friend has papillary cancer, and  had her thyroid removed about 4 months ago,, and underwent  the I-131 treatment. the doctors did not biopsy any lymph nodes, nor were they discussed. she has had some bouts with hoarseness and asked her endocrinologist about this. he referred her to an ENT ( ear-nose-throat) specialist. also, she noticed some tenderness and a lump  in the lymph nodes in the right side of her neck. upon exam, and ultrasound, her ENT thinks that her lymph node(s) might be cancerous. she is scheduled for a PET scan, then a fine needle biopsy, if the PET scan shows cancer in the lymph node(s).she is taking this one step at a time, and has a great attitude-concerned, but not paniced. i wanted everyone to know that if you have hoarseness, or a lump or tender area( lymph node) in your neck you need to get this checked out. the doctor you need to see is an ENT. they will do the necessary tests and check things out for you. if this does turn out to be cancer for my friend, she will need another surgery, starting where her thyroid scar stopped- going up her neck to her ear. it is called a neck dissection, and my surgeon first told me that i would have to have this done,too. in fact, i woke up from surgery and the first thing  that i did was feel my neck- i did not know until then if he had had to do it. he biopsied my right neck lymph nodes while i was on the table. luckily, they were not malignant. infection, and not cancer, can also  cause the same symptoms and can look the same on ultrasound. the deciding factor is  usually the biopsy. in other words, CHECK YOUR NECKS, GUYS!! and if you need to, get it checked out by the ENT. we have all been through so much, but we need to be diligent about checking. think of it as a self breast exam for your neck!

on a lighter note, i did a zumba class tonight. i'll have to admit that i was spoiled by the instructor at my daughters class. this instructor was not as skilled, i guess you would say, or as friendly. also, the class was enormous- about 45 people or so! one cool thing we did was the dance moves to the song "Thriller". i loved it! we are going to do it every class until after halloween. i will be going back every wednesday, for a live class( it is my only day off), and doing my DVD's two days a week. well, that is the plan anyway. i am sore, but happy. like i said, if i can do it, ANYONE can! this class had some college girls in it :( but also had some old, out of shape women like me in it too!! i think i am addicted to zumba now. look out "dancing with the stars!!" lol

" Here comes the sun...Little darling, it's been a long, cold, lonely winter. Little Darling, it feels like years since its been here- Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say its alright. Little darling, the smiles returning to your face- seems like years since its been here." Here comes the Sun, by George Harrison

i had the best weekend that i have had since i got sick! not only did i get good news last week about my ultrasound and blood work, but i got to see both of my children( and their spouses, of course) this weekend. i feel just like that song- that it has been a " long, cold, lonely winter" and now the sun is back! and also, i feel like smiling again. oh, i put up a good face- the people i work with call me "brave and courageous". i am not, of course. i have dealt with this cancer the best that i could, and i have tried not to make the people around me suffer, or feel too miserable. anyone that knows me really well, though, could tell that i was not exactly myself. i am beginning to get stronger, but it has not been easy. sometimes i do not feel like taking a walk, or exercising, but i drag myself through it. and at the end, i do feel better. i try to get more rest- go to bed earlier, and i think that this is tremendously important,too. i feel that losing my mom to cancer last year, has had an impact on me as well. it made getting " the news" a little harder. but it also made me realize how much of an impact that i could have on my friends and family. i did not want them to suffer- but of course, it was hard on them,too. having the best attitude that i could about things helped them, and me,too, in the long run.

i made good on a promise this weekend,too. I DID ZUMBA WITH MY DAUGHTER!!  a whole hour class. neither one of us was sure that i could do it- we did stand in the back. i could just envision having to call 911 at some point. ( i wanted there to be plenty of room for the paramedics to get in). after about the third song, my daughter relaxed and stopped giving me these "worried looks". i was laughing my head off- when i could get my breath, of course. our instructor was so very nice- so positive and very sweet to everyone. but OMG what abs she had!! and my body does not( or will it ever, i think) move like hers did! i liked the class because there were all types of people in there( yes, some even more ancient than me). all fitness levels, all sizes, male and female. i can see why my daughter loves the classes so much. i am going to start attending a class about 30 minutes away from where i live. i decided that i could attend a live class once a week, and then on another two days per week( well, that's the plan, anyway) i could do my zumba DVD. i heartily recommend zumba to anyone. believe me, if i can do it, YOU can do it! get ready to laugh and enjoy yourself- of course there will be plenty of sweating- not perspiring, but the kind of sweating where your hair and underwear get wet! i happen to be one of those that think if you do not sweat a little, you really are not exercising.

yes, the smile is returning to my face. some of it is because i have been lucky so far, and i have been trying very, very hard to have a positive attitude. another part is how much love and support that i have gotten from my family and friends. as always, i am eternally thankful for you all.

"..but there's a full moon risin', Lets go dancing in the light. We know where the music's playin', Lets go out and feel the night. ...But now its getting late, and the moon is climbing high, I want to celebrate, see it shinin' in your eyes.... On this harvest moon." Harvest Moon, by Neil Young

i got a pretty good check up from my endocrinologist. i had my "mystery ultrasound" and it turns out they were looking for lymph node enlargement- pretty much like i had expected. she saw no growth!! hooray! things look good on that front. i just found  this fact out, but the surgeon removed TEN of my lymph nodes in the front part of my neck. i have a numb spot there ( DUH) - the feeling may or may not return to that area. gosh, i did not know that i even had ten lymph nodes in my neck. lol. well, i guess now, i have ten less. she could not see my two remaining, over-worked and brave parathyroids. who knows where the surgeon put them. she said that she would try to find out from his surgery report. i have not seen this report- just the pathology report. my endo said that in his report, the surgeon sort of congratulated himself on this difficult surgery .GREAT..  i can see him doing that. brillant  surgeon, but  not a people person. my largest, but not the only one by far, cancerous tumor had burst (Yuck) and spread out into  the vascular system in my neck. things look good now, i guess those Jedi I-131 knights took care of the bad guys. but i have an ultrasound scheduled in 6 months. my endo likes ultrasounds better than full body scans. i do have a full body scan scheduled for  a year from now, but she says that ultrasounds and tests for thyroglobulin/thyroglobulin antibiodies are better indicators of a problem.

all in all it was a good and productive visit. i hope that we can communicate better in the future, but i will always get a copy of any test results that i have done going forward. my endocrinologist did not realize that i have only two parathyroids- that there was cancer in two of them. she also did not realize that i had cancer in some lymph nodes, or that one of the tumors had burst open. i had my copy of the pathology report and pointed that out to her.( i felt like we were in a conference- : " Now, if you will just turn to page 3- at the top of the page...") .  she also did not know that i had received a larger dose of I-131, 154.9 milicuries, instead of the standard 100 milicuries. this process has been a learning process for me. i firmly believe, even more than before, that we must all take charge of our health care. i am keeping a file of all of my reports, for reference and really for my peace of mind. i think that all of us should do this. i feel very lucky too, at this point. if i had waited only a few months longer before changing doctors, i would be in serious trouble now. that brings up the need for trusting yourself. trust how you feel- get things checked out no matter what others might tell you, if you feel something is wrong. my previous doctor told me my bad lab values, extreme tiredness,etc, was "stress". i really felt that something was very wrong, and luckily found another endocrinologist who would do the necessary tests. she saved my life- literally, even though sometimes i have to help a little with test results,etc. that is acceptable for me. i want to be responsible, and not depend entirely on a doctor to handle things for me.

now, for the first time since my diagnosis, i feel a certain amount of hope. could there be " bad thyroid cancer cells" lurking around in my neck to cause mayhem later. certainly. but also, there is the possibility that the I-131 did its job, and that i am on my way to calling myself a survivor.i am trying very hard to have a positive attitude, and not worry so much. i am thinking ( hoping) that my husband and i will have many more wonderful times to dance under the harvest moon. once again, i would like to thank my husband for his love and never ending support. i can never thank him enough.

" If it seems like i've been lost in lets remember; if you think i'm feeling older and missing my younger days......That's why i'm keeping the faith; ...You can get just so much from a good thing,you can linger too long in your dreams; say goodbye to the oldies but goodies, cause the good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems-.... i'm keeping the faith- Yes i am. " Keeping the Face" by Billy Joel

i tend to wish that this cancer had never, ever happened. i have wished to go back in time and nip it in the bud before it got this far- haven't most people thought this? sometimes i can not believe that i actually wanted to keep part of my thyroid- that i was upset that the surgeon said he was going to remove it all. there was cancer in the other side too, darn it!! thank goodness it was all removed. i can not say that i do not miss my "butterfly" ,but boy oh boy was mine ever making me sick! and right before my surgery i had the worse case of thyroiditis that i have ever had. some people i have talked to have never had this- and i am glad. but if you ever have had this- it is painful and i was afraid that the low grade fever i had with it would prevent them from doing my surgery. ( i took Advil for fever,pain,sore throat, right up to the very last day that i could safely do so; it might have caused excessive bleeding during surgery if i had not stopped five days beforehand) i could not believe that it was my thyroid's last stand so to speak, the final injury. but it is gone now, and hopefully things are going to get better.

i had an appointment with a rheumatologist on Wednesday. he is the one that prescribes Vitamin D- prescription strength- for me. my family doctor  sent me to him to be sure that i did not have lupus( thankfully no, i just had a badly behaving thyroid). he did some blood work and found that my Vitamin D level was extremely low.i have talked to a number of thyroid cancer patients who also have low vitamin d levels. i do not mean to say that just because your vitamin d level is low, you might have thyroid cancer. don't get me wrong! i just think that when you are getting blood work done, if you have not had this checked, you might want to ask your doctor to check it. vitamin d is the" man about town" in the vitamin world, so to speak. it can boost your immune system, and may  lower the incidence of certain cancers- especially prostate, breast and colon cancer. my doctor told me that it also helps with "fibromyalgia- like" pain. even if you do not ask your doctor about checking for this, you can get some over the counter. it is not nearly as strong, but it is worth spending some of your hard earned money on.

i also asked my rheumatologist to look at the results from blood work the radiologist ordered. the radiologist said that thyroid cancer, when it spreads, goes to the lungs and bones first. i knew that my chest x-ray was o.k., but no one had explained the blood work " for my bones". the rheumatologist said that it is difficult to really check for bone cancer entirely from blood work, but he graciously looked at my report, and said that it looked good. you know, for the first time since my diagnosis, i am truly beginning to feel like i just might beat this. i have some hope- i'm keeping the faith, so to speak. tomorrow i have the "mystery ultrasound" and office visit with my endocrinologist. hopefully that will go o.k. i feel like i am on a roll now. maybe " tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems..."