" It was a beautiful day, the sun beat down, I had the radio on, I was driving, Trees went by, me and Del were singing, Little runaway, I was flying, Yeah, running down a dream, that never would come to me, working on a mystery, going wherever it leads, running down a dream.....It felt so good, like anything was possible..." Running Down a Dream" by Tom Petty

i do confess to singing in the car on the way to and from work! i have an hour round trip commute, so i take advantage of the time to "work on my voice". the way i figure it, i need to try to "exercise" my vocal cords a little so perhaps i will get more of my "original" voice back. i am still hoarse sometimes- like last night i was pretty hoarse. but i had worked my long week, including the week-end, so i was talking more than usual. i do miss being able to sing like i did before- i just sang for myself, it is not like it was my livelihood. on the pre-surgery form there was a question that said :" are you a professional singer?" my husband said put down yes!! that way maybe they will be more careful with your vocal cords. i did not say yes, of course, but i think the surgeon was as careful as he could be. besides exercising my vocal cords, i just like to sing. it makes me happy.

i saw a couple of commercials from the national cancer society- with different people singing " happy birthday" to cancer survivors. i like that commercial-i have mentioned this before. a friend of mine told me that she celebrated her " half birthday" now. nothing big, no presents, but just a cake and maybe a special dinner. i think that i will do this,too. it is a good time to reflect and be thankful, too.cancer has really changed my life forever. before, i have had minor " tests"- a close call on the highway, minor health issues, but nothing like this. after those events, i would just go back to business as usual after a few days or weeks. now,however, there is no going back to the way that things were before. and i mean this in a positive way.

for one thing, i am trying to take better care of myself. i think that as women, mothers, daughters,we tend to put ourselves last on the list. we take care of everyone else first, and then have little or no time for ourselves. i decided that i needed to take better care of my health( duh), for one thing. i have added regular exercise( ZUMBA!!) . oh it was not easy to start exercising. i first started with walking- just a few days after my surgery, i walked down my driveway a few times. then i walked to the mailbox and back( about a mile- you have to know were i live for this to make sense!) anyway, i found that exercise made me feel so much better- improved my strength, mood( my husband likes this) and general sense of well being.

i am considering things- even minor things- with a new attitude. yes, i am still caring for my family, but i am also asking myself if what i am planning to do will be good for me,too. i am making sure that i have time for myself- exercise, hair appointments, retail therapy, whatever. i want to be happy and appreciate my loved ones and the times that i have with them. i guess if it took a serious disease to make me do these things, then cancer was indeed a positive thing in my life.