whenever one of my cancerversaries rolls around, sort of sad to have more than one, i get a little introspective. this time, on the 22nd of may, to be exact, i will mark three years of being a breast cancer warrior. no, i do not use the word survivor. i prefer a stronger word, as i do not feel like a victim. i will admit that i cry a little, but i actually laugh more.i am so thankful to still be here with my family and friends. i do wonder as to why i am still here- what purpose have i left unfulfilled? what small or great things am i supposed to do?
on these cancerversaries, i also look back on the process that brought me to this point in time. i had wonderful physicians, nurses and other health care professionals working with me. the person that stands out, and i am talking here about my adventures with breast cancer, is the radiologist who stopped the lumpectomy that i was getting prepped in the hospital to have. she took one look at my latest x-ray, and said" i believe that there is another area of cancer not associated with the tumor and i would like to do a stereotactic biopsy to check it out." two other radiologists saw that one particular area; one when i had the ultrasound at the beginning, and the other time when i had the needle biopsy. they both remarked that it looked " weird". i foolishly thought that if it looked that weird, they would do further testing, or at least consult with the surgeon. here is one example of not following my own advice. be your own best patient advocate. if things seem weird, something is probably not right. fortunately for me, i went home that day after the stereotactic biopsy and the results were in. there were indeed two areas of cancer. i went back to the surgeon the following week, and my "lumpectomy and radiation" changed to " bilateral mastectomies and three months of chemotherapy.". the radiologist who stood her ground, so to speak, said that she had to be able to sleep at night. she also said that she tried to treat her patients as she would her family. i am forever in her debt. there is no doubt in my mind that she prevented me from having a recurrence, and possibly even saved my life.
during the forty years that i worked as a pharmacist, i really tried to do the same. i gave my patients the best care that i possibly could. i enjoyed the interaction with patient counseling, and i liked answering questions . i also enjoyed helping people find OTC medications that might help them. my husband and i talked about when would be the right time to retire. we both agreed that if there came a time when we could not give 100% of ourselves to the work, we needed to step down. that is one reason that we both retired last year. chemo brain is real, ha. and i get tired easily,too. those 10-13 hour days are not so appealing anymore. i am enjoying having some time to do my crafts, attend activities involving my grandchildren( that i was mostly unable to do before), and just having some " me" time. every day is full, believe me. when people ask me, " what do you do all day?", i do not know where to start. and now, there is the flower and vegetable garden to work on. i do not sit around, and frankly, i told my husband that i think we are busier now than when we were working full time.
maybe this is a wonderful gift. a gift that i am eternally grateful for. the gift of more time with my family and friends. i try not to think (too much) about a recurrence. i try not to get too stressed out when testing time comes around. i try to give back to others, even though it is not in the context of my professional work now. i will survive. i am a two time cancer warrior.
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