it is the season to be thankful and non judgmental. in fact, these two things are always in season.

i have learned many things from having had cancer. for me, the most important  lesson is to be thankful, always, for my  family and friends and all of the good things- even small things, in my life. i try to practice gratitude every day, and i think that it is important to others as well as hopefully making me a better person. one thing that i learned first hand, that i had  never previously  given enough thought to, was what it is like to be judged by  or discriminated against based on my appearance. 

the first time this happened to me, was right after my surgery for thyroid cancer. yes, i looked like the bride of frankenstein, but i was certainly in for a shock when my husband and i stopped at a rest area on our way home a couple of days after my surgery. my surgeon, and the hospital where i had my surgery, are four hours away, so needless to say, we had to make a couple of stops. as i made my way up the sidewalk to the  rest area , a little girl took one look at me and ran! and a week or two later, i was in the grocery store for my first excursion out since my surgery. not only did two little children almost cry when they saw me, but their mother put her arms around them to " protect them." i waited quite a while after that to venture out again. i love children, and am not used to making them cry simply by getting a look at me. 

the next occasion i faced discrimination, was during my chemotherapy for my breast cancer. i had lost all of my hair, and was wearing a black head scarf. ( i thought it was pretty- silly me). this man, also in the grocery- this seems to be a dangerous place for me to go- grabbed his children and moved to the other line. the look that he gave to me was one of disgust, and frankly, hatred. i was shocked! i realized that either he thought cancer is contagious, or he thought that i was of the Muslim faith. i had not thought about it, but in addition to my black head scarf,  i had a black shirt, black pants and a black coat on. i could see where he might think that i was  Muslim. now, i have worked with several pharmacists who are Muslims, and i have always  considered them friends as well as colleagues. i am a person who believes that there are " many paths to heaven." i do not think that it is "my  way or the highway" as some people unfortunately believe.

at this time of year, we all gather together in a mostly all inclusive holiday to celebrate with our family and friends. we think of all of the things that we are thankful for. perhaps it would be good to realize that we are all different, yet all  the same. we have different religions, customs, and ways of dressing. what unifies us is the fact that most of us love our families and friends, and just want to live in a place that is safe and makes us happy. because of my experience at the grocery, when i see someone wearing a hijab , i make a point of making eye contact and saying hello. i will admit that this happens more often when i am in raleigh visiting my daughter and her family. she lives in a more culturally diverse community. but i love where i live- it is my home, and i would like to think that most people who live here can offer civility and kindness towards others who are not carbon copies of themselves. 

i have lived a life with a certain amount of  privilege. working with the public can be stressful, and people seem to be more " vocal" with their concerns these days. yet, i have been afforded a certain amount of respect because of the work that i did. i have now  learned what it is like to be stared at, avoided at all costs, and shunned due to my appearance. these experiences have been a "learning moment" for me, i think. so before we eat that thanksgiving turkey at my house this year, i will be recounting all that i am thankful for as well as hoping that all those that are different, yet the same, will be able to do the same.