if you have been diagnosed with thyroid cancer, you have probably heard people say, " oh, you have the good cancer!". this response, though well meaning i think, is still one of my pet peeves. first of all, there is no " good cancer". cancer by definition is not a good thing. any type of cancer is serious business, and should not be taken lightly.
i received my thyroid cancer diagnosis in 2010. i had papillary with follicular variant, stage three. after having my thyroid and two parathyroids( also cancerous) removed, i received the I-131 treatment because even the best surgeon can not get all of the thyroid cancer cells. think of them as little storm troopers who escape from the mother ship and make their way to other parts of the body. one way we know that they are present is by doing blood tests for thyroglobulin and thyroglobulin antibodies. only thyroid cells make thyroglobulin, so if you destroy the mother ship, and you have measurable thyroglobulin in your blood stream, that means that you have the rogue cells, or thyroid cancer cells elsewhere in your body.
for three years after my surgery and treatment for thyroid cancer, i had measurable thyroglobulin and thyroglobulin antibodies. there are a couple of ways to deal with this. some people, depending on how high the level of thyroglobulin is, have to receive another dose of the I-131. unfortunately, this does not always work in all cases . the I-131 is supposed to destroy the rogue cancer cells. one way to explain it, is that thyroglobulin cells love iodine. if you " feed" them the radioactive kind it is supposed to destroy them. another way to deal with the presence of measurable thyroglobulin is to keep the TSH very low- close to zero. what TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) does is to stimulate thyroid cells into action. this is fine if you do not have cancer. but if you are stimulating CANCER thyroid cells into action, well, it is obviously not a good thing.
as i said, after three years my thyroglobulin went down to an "acceptable" level and my antibodies were no longer present. my last blood work revealed that my thyroglobulin was less than 1. the range that this lab uses is " less than 1 is acceptable, 1 or greater is positive for thyroglobulin.". so, my level is low, but not zero. what the heck have those rogue thyroid cancer cells been doing in my body for the past seven years? my doctor keeps my TSH near zero so that they do not spring into action, so to speak, but that still gives me pause. i continue to get blood work and ultrasounds every six months. once you have had thyroid cancer, you basically have testing for life. there is no " five years and you are done" to this type of cancer. for those of you who have been thinking that thyroid cancer is the good cancer, are you beginning to see how this is not the case?
if thyroid cancer is able to spread to other body locations, it is most often to the lungs and bones. it can go anywhere, but those are two primary locations. when i had breast cancer in 2015, one of the first questions i asked my doctor after the surgery was " were there thyroid cancer cells present in my breast tissue?". i am happy to say that there were not. 30% of thyroid cancer patients will have another primary cancer in the body, and i fell into that category. the best thing that you can do in this situation, is to make sure that you have your mammograms, colonoscopies, and other tests on a regular basis. early detection is key- as with any cancer.
thyroid cancer affects all age groups, male and female, though there is a higher incidence in females. there are several types of thyroid cancer, and a person can have more than one type, as i did. this is hardly a good cancer to have. life long testing, the possibility of recurrence, or an increased chance of developing a second primary cancer are all part of having thyroid cancer. as with most any other disease, a person never really understands until it happens to them. i like to be connected with other thyroid cancer patients. no one understands our situation and daily challenges like another thyroid cancer patient. no, this is not the good cancer at all...
Thursday, November 30, 2017
Tuesday, November 28, 2017
" I've looked at life from both sides now, from win and lose and still somehow, it's life's illusions i recall, i really don't know life, at all. " both sides now, by joni mitchell
it all started with a doctor's visit. one that i wish i had never made, but at the same time, eternally grateful that i did. this is the way that it has been for me since i received my two cancer diagnoses. i possess two faces of cancer. there is the one that i present to the world- upbeat, optimistic, totally in control of my situation. and then there is the other one, and it is not very pretty. i struggle with PTSD, anxiety, and a general feeling that i am not in control of anything in my life. feeling out of control has probably been the hardest thing for me. i like things organized, well planned out, and safe. cancer makes your life anything but those things. in my work, i was used to being in control- making difficult decisions on a daily basis. i was responsible for not only what i did, but what my support staff did as well. i had the lives of my patients in my hands, and while it could be daunting on occasion, over time i developed a sense of confidence in what i was doing.
cancer has a way of stripping away all sense of control that you thought you had. where i was once the one making the decisions about someone's health, i was now sitting back and becoming the patient. i was listening to the recommendations of several doctors concerning my health. and they were not just any decisions, they were life or death ones. of course i did my research on what surgeries, treatments,etc. that would be best for me, but when it came down to it, i had to depend on health professionals to make the calls. i am very fortunate to have had very good medical care. i realize that unfortunately not everyone has this opportunity, and i am grateful that i did. i also have a wonderful support system in place. my family and friends have given me so much encouragement and care, and i am extremely grateful for that, as well.
i am learning that it is o.k. to have conflicting feelings when it comes to having cancer. maintaining a positive attitude certainly helps me as well as those around me. but it is important that i address the dark side, if you will, of a cancer diagnosis. loss of control, overwhelming feelings of loss- not just physical loss, but loss of the way my life was before i had cancer, always loom in the background. while i am fairly sick of the term " my new normal", nethertheless, it is a true statement. i do have a new life now, in many ways. i retired a few years earlier than i had expected to. i found that while i could do my job as i had before, it just took too much energy. i had trouble recovering from a day of work- i was exhausted after a 8 to 10 hour day and it took me two to three days to recover. i do miss my work, and the people that i worked with and for. i was angry about this for a while. again, it was a loss of control issue. my careful life planning had just gone down the drain.
i am a " i will do it myself" kind of person. it was difficult for me to accept help from others. not that i did not appreciate kind offers, i just was used to being more self sufficient, and it was, and still is, difficult for me to admit that i need help sometimes. one terrible example of the dangers of always doing things yourself, was when i made my first trip alone to the grocery. ( here is another awful grocery experience). my husband was working that day, and i was determined to go out myself and get our groceries. that would have been fine, but instead of waiting on my husband to carry our groceries inside, or maybe being patient and making 100 trips carrying the grocery bags inside, i carried them, even the heavy items, in just a few trips. i felt my stitches give way on one side before i got inside the door. i knew that i was in trouble, but i could do nothing about it at this point. long story short, i ended up with an extra surgery and a round of antibiotics to repair the damage. this ended up delaying my last surgery for reconstruction, and my surgeon said that i was very lucky things were not worse.
i have had to make a major life adjustment ( i will refrain from using "new normal"). i have discovered the joys, albeit different than my previous work , in making candles and other crafts. i am enjoying time with my husband. we have both, in the past, worked long hours, holidays, weekends,etc. so this is a treat to get to spend more time together. i am so happy to get to see my grandchildren more often. i like to be able to help out with childcare or just visit, more often. this is definitely a silver lining in my dark cloud. while my anxiety is still there, i am managing those dark feelings a little better now. as i said earlier, i am trying to maintain a positive attitude. but i am also dealing with a dark side,too. i suppose the trick is to not to let the dark outweigh the light, so to speak.
cancer has a way of stripping away all sense of control that you thought you had. where i was once the one making the decisions about someone's health, i was now sitting back and becoming the patient. i was listening to the recommendations of several doctors concerning my health. and they were not just any decisions, they were life or death ones. of course i did my research on what surgeries, treatments,etc. that would be best for me, but when it came down to it, i had to depend on health professionals to make the calls. i am very fortunate to have had very good medical care. i realize that unfortunately not everyone has this opportunity, and i am grateful that i did. i also have a wonderful support system in place. my family and friends have given me so much encouragement and care, and i am extremely grateful for that, as well.
i am learning that it is o.k. to have conflicting feelings when it comes to having cancer. maintaining a positive attitude certainly helps me as well as those around me. but it is important that i address the dark side, if you will, of a cancer diagnosis. loss of control, overwhelming feelings of loss- not just physical loss, but loss of the way my life was before i had cancer, always loom in the background. while i am fairly sick of the term " my new normal", nethertheless, it is a true statement. i do have a new life now, in many ways. i retired a few years earlier than i had expected to. i found that while i could do my job as i had before, it just took too much energy. i had trouble recovering from a day of work- i was exhausted after a 8 to 10 hour day and it took me two to three days to recover. i do miss my work, and the people that i worked with and for. i was angry about this for a while. again, it was a loss of control issue. my careful life planning had just gone down the drain.
i am a " i will do it myself" kind of person. it was difficult for me to accept help from others. not that i did not appreciate kind offers, i just was used to being more self sufficient, and it was, and still is, difficult for me to admit that i need help sometimes. one terrible example of the dangers of always doing things yourself, was when i made my first trip alone to the grocery. ( here is another awful grocery experience). my husband was working that day, and i was determined to go out myself and get our groceries. that would have been fine, but instead of waiting on my husband to carry our groceries inside, or maybe being patient and making 100 trips carrying the grocery bags inside, i carried them, even the heavy items, in just a few trips. i felt my stitches give way on one side before i got inside the door. i knew that i was in trouble, but i could do nothing about it at this point. long story short, i ended up with an extra surgery and a round of antibiotics to repair the damage. this ended up delaying my last surgery for reconstruction, and my surgeon said that i was very lucky things were not worse.
i have had to make a major life adjustment ( i will refrain from using "new normal"). i have discovered the joys, albeit different than my previous work , in making candles and other crafts. i am enjoying time with my husband. we have both, in the past, worked long hours, holidays, weekends,etc. so this is a treat to get to spend more time together. i am so happy to get to see my grandchildren more often. i like to be able to help out with childcare or just visit, more often. this is definitely a silver lining in my dark cloud. while my anxiety is still there, i am managing those dark feelings a little better now. as i said earlier, i am trying to maintain a positive attitude. but i am also dealing with a dark side,too. i suppose the trick is to not to let the dark outweigh the light, so to speak.
Sunday, November 19, 2017
it is the season to be thankful and non judgmental. in fact, these two things are always in season.
i have learned many things from having had cancer. for me, the most important lesson is to be thankful, always, for my family and friends and all of the good things- even small things, in my life. i try to practice gratitude every day, and i think that it is important to others as well as hopefully making me a better person. one thing that i learned first hand, that i had never previously given enough thought to, was what it is like to be judged by or discriminated against based on my appearance.
the first time this happened to me, was right after my surgery for thyroid cancer. yes, i looked like the bride of frankenstein, but i was certainly in for a shock when my husband and i stopped at a rest area on our way home a couple of days after my surgery. my surgeon, and the hospital where i had my surgery, are four hours away, so needless to say, we had to make a couple of stops. as i made my way up the sidewalk to the rest area , a little girl took one look at me and ran! and a week or two later, i was in the grocery store for my first excursion out since my surgery. not only did two little children almost cry when they saw me, but their mother put her arms around them to " protect them." i waited quite a while after that to venture out again. i love children, and am not used to making them cry simply by getting a look at me.
the next occasion i faced discrimination, was during my chemotherapy for my breast cancer. i had lost all of my hair, and was wearing a black head scarf. ( i thought it was pretty- silly me). this man, also in the grocery- this seems to be a dangerous place for me to go- grabbed his children and moved to the other line. the look that he gave to me was one of disgust, and frankly, hatred. i was shocked! i realized that either he thought cancer is contagious, or he thought that i was of the Muslim faith. i had not thought about it, but in addition to my black head scarf, i had a black shirt, black pants and a black coat on. i could see where he might think that i was Muslim. now, i have worked with several pharmacists who are Muslims, and i have always considered them friends as well as colleagues. i am a person who believes that there are " many paths to heaven." i do not think that it is "my way or the highway" as some people unfortunately believe.
at this time of year, we all gather together in a mostly all inclusive holiday to celebrate with our family and friends. we think of all of the things that we are thankful for. perhaps it would be good to realize that we are all different, yet all the same. we have different religions, customs, and ways of dressing. what unifies us is the fact that most of us love our families and friends, and just want to live in a place that is safe and makes us happy. because of my experience at the grocery, when i see someone wearing a hijab , i make a point of making eye contact and saying hello. i will admit that this happens more often when i am in raleigh visiting my daughter and her family. she lives in a more culturally diverse community. but i love where i live- it is my home, and i would like to think that most people who live here can offer civility and kindness towards others who are not carbon copies of themselves.
i have lived a life with a certain amount of privilege. working with the public can be stressful, and people seem to be more " vocal" with their concerns these days. yet, i have been afforded a certain amount of respect because of the work that i did. i have now learned what it is like to be stared at, avoided at all costs, and shunned due to my appearance. these experiences have been a "learning moment" for me, i think. so before we eat that thanksgiving turkey at my house this year, i will be recounting all that i am thankful for as well as hoping that all those that are different, yet the same, will be able to do the same.
Thursday, November 9, 2017
as the saying goes, " the proof is in the pudding", or in my case, it is under my shirt
yesterday i had an appointment with the plastic surgeon that did my breast cancer reconstruction. i was under the impression that he would release me, as my general surgeon had done when i saw him last month. my plastic surgeon used to have a small practice with a very friendly, homey type atmosphere. whenever i had an appointment i would bring some cookies that i had made for the plastic surgeon and his staff. i found out that he liked my macadamia nut/white chocolate chunk cookies the best, so for the past several times i have seen him, those are the ones that i made and took to his office. my doctor has since moved into a larger practice, with several other practitioners. it is a nice practice, but not quite as friendly as the old place used to be. still, i made the cookies and gave them to the doctor and his nurse- the only people that i knew in this new practice. as i said, i thought that this was going to be my last appointment with the plastic surgeon. as it turned out, i have to see him again in a year, which is not too bad. i do not have to get tests, blood work,etc, when i go see him.so really no stress anxiety associated with these visits. basically, the doctor just wants to check with me to make sure that i am not having any problems.
my doctor was very pleased with my areola/nipple tattoos. he had been encouraging me to get them for the past year and a half. i was only too happy to relate to him how much they had changed my life in a very positive way. instead of seeing just the two large scars on my chest, i now see something that looks closer to what i used to look like. he was so impressed with the appearance of my tattoos, that he asked my permission to take photographs. you can not tell that it is me, by the way, as the photos are only of my chest area.
so i got dressed and was checking out when a new staff member approached me. she told me that her sister had also had bilateral mastectomies, and had been debating about getting the tattoos. her sister had seen the program about 3D areola/nipple tattoos on the today show. she wanted to go to vinnie myers ( the person in the today show segment, and the person who did my tattoos). the staff member said " i would like to ask you something unusual and feel free to say no if it would make you feel uncomfortable." what she asked me was would i consider showing her sister ( turns out she worked in this office,too) my tattoos? without even thinking about it too much, i said " why, sure!".after i checked out, i was to meet the staff member and her sister in the room where my photos were taken.
i followed her to the room, and her sister was already there waiting. we said a quick hello, and then i unbuttoned my shirt and showed her my chest. now, i am not in the habit of flashing people. in fact, only a very few people ( mostly doctors) have seen my beautiful tattoos, but this felt like the right thing to do. i talked to her and told her how much getting those tattoos had helped me . having that procedure has been a huge part of my healing process. i happened to have one of vinnie's cards in my purse. i gave the business card to her and after we talked for a little while longer, i told her to go ahead and call for her appointment. i could tell that she just needed a little nudge in the right direction. the proof is in the pudding, or in my case, under my shirt. every woman is different, though. what is right for me, may not be right for someone else. but i feel that i helped someone out and it felt good. as i walked by the receptionist's desk, several of the staff stopped what they were doing and smiled at me. one woman waved and another gave me the thumbs up. perhaps it was not such a strange thing for me to do after all.
i also realized that i never made cookies for my general surgeon. coincidence? i think not.
my doctor was very pleased with my areola/nipple tattoos. he had been encouraging me to get them for the past year and a half. i was only too happy to relate to him how much they had changed my life in a very positive way. instead of seeing just the two large scars on my chest, i now see something that looks closer to what i used to look like. he was so impressed with the appearance of my tattoos, that he asked my permission to take photographs. you can not tell that it is me, by the way, as the photos are only of my chest area.
so i got dressed and was checking out when a new staff member approached me. she told me that her sister had also had bilateral mastectomies, and had been debating about getting the tattoos. her sister had seen the program about 3D areola/nipple tattoos on the today show. she wanted to go to vinnie myers ( the person in the today show segment, and the person who did my tattoos). the staff member said " i would like to ask you something unusual and feel free to say no if it would make you feel uncomfortable." what she asked me was would i consider showing her sister ( turns out she worked in this office,too) my tattoos? without even thinking about it too much, i said " why, sure!".after i checked out, i was to meet the staff member and her sister in the room where my photos were taken.
i followed her to the room, and her sister was already there waiting. we said a quick hello, and then i unbuttoned my shirt and showed her my chest. now, i am not in the habit of flashing people. in fact, only a very few people ( mostly doctors) have seen my beautiful tattoos, but this felt like the right thing to do. i talked to her and told her how much getting those tattoos had helped me . having that procedure has been a huge part of my healing process. i happened to have one of vinnie's cards in my purse. i gave the business card to her and after we talked for a little while longer, i told her to go ahead and call for her appointment. i could tell that she just needed a little nudge in the right direction. the proof is in the pudding, or in my case, under my shirt. every woman is different, though. what is right for me, may not be right for someone else. but i feel that i helped someone out and it felt good. as i walked by the receptionist's desk, several of the staff stopped what they were doing and smiled at me. one woman waved and another gave me the thumbs up. perhaps it was not such a strange thing for me to do after all.
i also realized that i never made cookies for my general surgeon. coincidence? i think not.
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