Wednesday, August 10, 2011

"the w-a-i-t-i-n-g is the hardest part" you said it, tom

 i think that i got through my scan week pretty well. i was busy- i had to be at the hospital almost every day that week. the only "mini-meltdown" that  i had that week was on a day that i had off. i am afraid that "the what ifs" caught up with me. my former doctor, from duke, said to prepare myself for another round of treatment. o.k. i went to personnel and picked up some leave of absence papers. but truthfully, i do not think that anyone can be fully prepared for another treatment. in a thyca newsletter, it states that "thyroid cancer can sometimes reappear decades after initial treatment." you can do two things after reading that statement. you can: 1) live your life fearfully, negatively, and make everyone who loves you miserable, or 2) live your life in the most positive manner that you can. enjoying life's little pleasures and letting as much joy into your life as possible.

call me Pollyanna, but i choose option number two. i intend to make the very best of things that i can, and hope for the best. really, if you think about it, having cancer can be a positive thing. it has caused  me to  make major  changes in my life- adding exercise, improving my diet, appreciating my family and friends more, strengthening my faith,  just  to name just a few.

waiting on test results is hard, believe me. but i am trying not to worry about things too much. i have no control over what is going on now in my body. i can put good food in, exercise, think good thoughts, but that is really all that i can do. whatever happens, i will just deal with it in the best manner that i can. in the meantime, i will continue to live my" new normal" life, and enjoy it.

a good friend of mine just returned to work yesterday after a serious bout with colon cancer. she also had to have her gall bladder removed due to damage from the chemotherapy.  i called her to wish her a good first day back at work. she said that she was glad to be back at work, and back to her normal life. i said, you mean your "new normal" life? she laughed and said, well, that is true. my new normal life.

in some ways, cancer patients are "lucky". we are given the opportunity to examine our lives and make positive changes. we can improve the quality of our lives- and this influences the quality of our families lives as well. am i glad that i had cancer? HECK NO!! but, i will use this challenge to evaluate my life and do everything in my power to make the best of this situation.

today is my day off. tonight i will go to my zumba class and i will  wear my pink belly scarf, even though i might be the only one wearing one, just because it makes me happy. for that hour and 20 minutes, i will definitely not be thinking about test results or "what ifs". i am taking things one day at a time, and hoping for the best.

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