Saturday, June 25, 2011

"We can never know about the days to come, but we think about them anyway. Anticipation is making me late, it's keeping me -W-A-I-T-I-N-G . And tomorrow we might not be together. I'm no prophet, i don't know natures way. .....these are the good old days." Anticipation by Carly Simon

well, i certainly am still waiting to get my scan! it seems my doctor and i can not come to terms with the fact that i am allergic-anaphylactic allergic - to sulfite preservatives, which are present in both the LIQUID i-123 and I-131. i researched this, and found proof from the product listing. i am not sure why the liquid is so much better than the capsule, either. oh, and of course thyrogen has been on back order, which has caused a lot of worry and waiting for several other people. i believe that now, or at least in july, the thyrogen should be back on the market, according to the reports that i have read. so i am w-a-i-t-i-n-g  for my doctor to switch my tracer dose to something that might not kill me( seriously) and for the thyrogen to become available again. i am hoping that i can get my test done the week of august 1st. i am going to stay all week in raleigh, so that would give me some time to visit with my daughter before she has to start back to school. everyone keep their fingers crossed for me, o.k.? i certainly am going to need it.

last night, i got on i should know better than to do this when i am depressed, but i did anyway. i looked at one of my favorite things to buy- belly scarves! i have the reputation of having a belly scarf to match all of my tee shirts( well not ALL of them). so i ordered a light pink one with silver coins and a sheer black one with silver coins. man, do i love to make those coins jingle!! today i went to zumba, and during one song, i managed to flip some of those coins onto my back( one of my personal goals, lol ) lucky for me, the scarves are inexpensive, because i sure do like that bling- and the sound that it makes. also, we were dancing to one of my favorite songs- " What is it?". funny story, but when i was trying to tell my daugter what the name of the song is   ( she is a part time zumba instructor in raleigh) we sort of ended up like that abbott and, costello joke- who's on first? i told her about the song, and she said, what is the name? and i said " what is it?" we went on like that for a while, and she finally said I DO NOT KNOW, IF YOU COULD JUST SING A FEW BARS OF THE SONG, MAYBE I COULD FIGURE IT OUT! i am not sure, but i don't think that she has heard it yet.

i had a great experience this week. i just reconnected with my best friend in high school- all because of facebook. i had  not seen her for, well lets not say how long- just a long,long time. it was so good to email her and catch up a bit on what she has been doing since high school. we lost touch- you probably know how that is, but i have been thinking about her often. i told her a little bit about my situation, and she even read some of my blog. she has had her challenges in life,too. i told her that while we can not choose the hand we are dealt in life, we can control how to play it. everyone has challenges and it is how we deal with them that makes us the kind of person that we are. sounds like an oprah moment, but it is one thing that i have figured out, one "thing i know for sure", so to speak.

would it not be great if we figured this out in our twenties? i suppose there are some people who do come to this realization- that life is precious, and we need to enjoy every moment, do what we love, with the people that we love and be thankful for all good things coming our way. i still feel that way- even a year after my diagnosis. i think this is a game changer for me. it has stuck, long after the surgery,chemo,etc. of course i do not feel out of the woods yet! i will feel better after my scan ( if i ever get to have that scan!). of course, i will just have to be patient, and wait a little bit more, as carly recommends. of course, i do need a few more zumba belly scarves in the meantime....

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