"........streetlight people, living just to find emotion, hiding somewhere in the night.....some will win, some will lose. some were born to sing the blues. oh, the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on. ..don't stop believing, hold on to that feeling. " don't stop believing, by journey.g

i just returned from seeing my endocrinologist for  my six month cancer check up. i had the blood work done ( they tested for tsh, t4, t3- the usual stuff, but also for thyroglobulin and thyroglobulin antibiodies. ) i had the blood work done at the hospital where i have had both my full body scans, as well as  my I-131 treatment dose after my surgery two years ago. i also had the blood work for this test(above mentioned) done at this hospital last time. i have read that the same blood sample from the same patient taken at the same time( lots of sames here, but you get the idea) can vary two fold from one lab to the next! i wanted to be consistent.

however, my doctor was not so impressed with the lab. my blood work was a "little off" she said. the numbers looked pretty good, i guess, but she did not like the way that the lab did the testing. that puts me in a little bit of a limbo. i had less than 0.5 on the thyroglobulin, but i have thyroglobulin antibodies. that basically makes the test, well, a little questionable. if anyone out there is getting ready to have their surgery, I-131, etc, make SURE to get a baseline test for these. i did not- wish i had. that would give my doctor a better idea of what was going on with me.

for the next six month check up, my doctor has requested that i get the blood work done at her office. i will need to drive down the week before my ultrasound/ appointment, but if it means a better test it is fine with me. my doctor is 4 hours away, but her office  is in the same city that my daughter resides in, so i get to visit her and her husband twice this coming march. that is also fine with me.

i do have happy news to report: there are absolutely no goblins growing in my neck! yeah! i was a little worried when the ultrasound machine  kept beeping, but the technician assured me that everything was fine. i still get choked on certain foods- i can not eat bread and chicken together without sitting next to someone who is an expert on the Heimlich maneuver. i do not get choked as much as i did before my surgery,though. still, it is comforting to know that there is nothing extra in my neck.

one thing that i encourage people to do, and that actually came in handy for me, is to keep a record of all of your tests. when i went to my doctor's office, i took a copy of my labs with me. turns out, they had either not received  the fax that the hospital sent, or the fax gremlins gobbled up my test before i got there. anyway, it was good to be able to give them a copy so that i could have a more meaningful appointment. ( i also have yet another copy in my records at home. this comes in handy when comparing results from the past two years). another thing that i had done( my endo  forgot to order this, so i asked my family doctor) was a calcium test. i only have two parathyroids- i had cancer in the other two( they up and left for Paraguay, if you remember from an earlier blog of mine). a person can make out o.k. with one functioning parathyroid, but i wanted to be sure my two little guys were working hard for me. turns out, my calcium was indeed low and i have to supplement.good to know since i want strong bones for zumba.

so, overall, i had a pretty good checkup. i can not say that these six month check ups are not stressful, but i am glad that my doctor is keeping a watch on things in case something does pop up. in the meantime, i am good to go! as with every one of us, i will just enjoy my life and hope for the best.

Happy thyroid cancer awareness month to you, happy thyroid cancer awareness month to you, happy thyroid cancer awareness month to ( insert your name here, if this applies ;) happy thyroid cancer awareness month to you !

happy thyroid cancer awareness month, everyone! jeez, what a thing to celebrate. but, it is good that the public is becoming somewhat aware of the fastest growing cancer, to date. you can go to a more scientific website and find out the exact numbers, if you would like . thyroid cancer is not the" biggest in numbers" cancer, but it  is the fastest growing type. i wonder why? is it because people are beginning to " check our necks" or is it something more sinister( exposure to cancer causing agents in our food, the environment,etc?)

one endocrinologist that i went to, briefly, asked me " now, just how do you think that you got thyroid cancer?" i was puzzled on that one. she asked me if, when i was a child, did my parents like to take me down to the shoe store and have my foot x-rayed  for the proper shoe size? i told her no, i came from a small town that did not have anything fancier than an old metal shoe sizer that you stood on. i got my toes pinched a lot, though.after trying on my shoes,  i had to stand up and the sales person would mash down with all of their might to make sure i had room on the end of the shoe ( to grow) . somehow i do not think that this contributed to my getting thyroid cancer.

i know that there is a higher incidence of thyroid cancer for people who have been exposed to radiation from nuclear power plants. i have never been to one of those, nor do i live close to one. the manner in which the endocrinologist was asking me " just how did you get thyroid cancer" made me feel somehow responsible for my illness. did i mention that i went to this doctor briefly? this doctor was supposed to be a specialist in treating papillary thyroid cancer, and worked at a very large and well respected hospital. the doctor might have been conducting a study about " how i got thyroid cancer and lived to tell the story", i am not sure. i also am not sure why i got thyroid cancer. i do not feel responsible for my illness,though. it just happened. but here is another example of taking charge of your health care- i went to another doctor. ( one who has never asked me this question, by the way.)

i was fortunate enough to hear from another thyroid cancer survivor while i was working  this weekend. i call them my "peeps", and i always stop what i am doing at the pharmacy to come out and say hello and ask how they are doing. this was the first time that i had talked to this particular man. when he was diagnosed and being treated( about the same time as me, by the way), his wife came in to get his medicine. i talked to her briefly, but i was glad to finally meet the actual patient. he had a very interesting story to tell.

first of all, he had the same kind of thyroid cancer as me- papillary- and he was in the same stage as me. we are about the same age,too. he also lost two of his parathyroids to cancer, as well as several lymph nodes. he had his surgery at a major hospital, not the same place that i went,though. his scar looks great ( like mine does, i hope) and he told me that he is feeling pretty good now. the part of this that is very interesting is how he got his diagnosis.

one day he was outside in his front yard cutting limbs from a tree when one struck him right in the neck! it left a huge lump that did not go away, even after ice packs,etc. he decided to go to the doctor and have it checked out. he had an x-ray, ultrasound ,and finally a biopsy. he did not even know that he had thyroid disease, much less thyroid cancer. his wife told me that it was God saying, " hey, buddy, look here!". i am not sure, but i am sure that it is very fortunate that this "accident" happened and that he was able to get treated before it was too late.

bottom line, it is not important to try to find out why we have thyroid cancer. most of us will never know the answer to that question. what is important is to check our necks, follow up with any treatments that we may need, and do not hesitate to seek out a new doctor if we need one.we need to  be responsible about our health care. if we  feel uncomfortable about something, we need to  do research- read all that we  can from reputable sources. books, the internet( again, reputable sources) can be invaluable.one thing that i can not stress enough is to keep a file containing copies of all lab work and correspondence concerning our treatment.it is hard to remember everything- all the tests, results, etc. sometimes even keeping these can help our doctors with our treatment.

so, happy thyroid cancer awareness month to everyone. and i hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the good things in life. to end with a quote from my late dad : " LET'S HAVE CAKE!!!"

" you, with your words like knives and swords and weapons that you use against me, you calling me out when i'm wounded, you picking on the weaker man. why you gotta be so mean? " Mean, by taylor swift

this is such a good " telling off" song! i know that i would have loved to sing along with this during my teenage years. everyone knows someone who has been mean to them. i use these lyrics,though, in reference to an article that i read  about on " aboutthyroid.com"- mary shomon's fantastic website about all things related to thyroid disorders. the article was written by a woman named michelle baker, for the huffington post. the title of the article is " THYROID CANCER? SIGN ME UP!!".  it seems that she may have thyroid cancer- she has nodules and one of them " looks suspicious". but poor dear, she believes her uninformed doctor when he told her, " hey, thyroid cancer, no big deal!" i suppose that a more appropriate song( if i could have thought of one) would have been " why do you have to be so STUPID?".

even if ms. baker's doctor told her that thyroid cancer is a walk in the park, even if a friend or two told her that( it seems the people who tell me that are never the ones who actually have thyroid cancer themselves) she, being a journalist, should have done extensive research on this topic herself and come to her own conclusions. let me list some of my pet peeves for everyone who has not read about them before:

1) ANYONE who tells me that thyroid cancer is the " good cancer"

2) people who will not take charge of their own health care, do research to be informed, ask questions,etc.

3) people who stay with a doctor that they know is not taking their concerns seriously( yes, at one time i belonged in this group, but i saw the light- eventually)

4) oh, did i mention ANYONE WHO TELLS ME THAT THYROID CANCER IS THE GOOD CANCER???

i believe that ms. baker is in for a shock. she has no idea about what obstacles that she will have to over come in her adventures with thyroid cancer. the surgery, the I-131 treatment dose, the struggle for a thyroid replacement dose that will keep her on her feet and feeling somewhat like she did before she got sick. and who knows? maybe it has spread into her parathyroids and/or lymph nodes? maybe her vocal cords will be injured by the surgery and she will end up with a different voice. maybe she will struggle with the after effects of the I-131 treatment. and oh yes, the follow up appointments every six months to see if the cancer is back.

a co-worker of mine lost her mother to thyroid cancer. i am sure that she would not be amused by ms. baker's article. i left a comment on the huffington post website. i encourage you to read this article and leave your thoughts, as well. maybe, just maybe, this author will see the light and realize that cancer is serious, and nothing is guaranteed. i certainly do not hope that ms. baker has thyroid cancer. but i just wonder.....
why does she have to be so STUPID???

"i'm wide awake, i'm wide awake....i wish i knew then, what i know now....thunder rumbling,castles crumbling, i am trying to hold on, God knows that i tried,seeing the bright side....i'm wide awake, i'm wide awake. " Wide awake, by katy perry

sometimes i waste time wishing that  i had discovered my thyroid cancer earlier. if i had gotten it earlier, it would ( maybe) not have spread into my lymph node, or two of my parathyroids. i could have been a stage one or two instead of a three. but what good does this do? i have always believed that you have to play the hand you are dealt in life and who knows ( besides God, of course) what that will be. i am always trying to look on the bright side of things,though, and gather positive things from my experience.

but it is hard! it is difficult going about- o.k. i said that i would not be using the phrase the"new normal". now i have to come up with a phrase of my own. let's see- how about my ELE ( enlightened life experience) . i do feel sort of enlightened. i feel that i have been let in on a little bit of life's big secrets. you know the ones, the ones that are right there in front of you but you can not see them because you are focusing on all the wrong stuff. now instead of rushing all around, doing my chores, working,etc, i try to actually take a few moments to breathe and look around me.

the other day on my way to work, i saw a great blue heron flying over a small stream  near town. now,herons  are not too rare out where i live, but it is unusual to see one in town. i bet though, that i was one of the few people who saw the beautiful bird. people are rushing to work, rushing to school, rushing, rushing, rushing. i am making an attempt to slow my life down a bit. to notice people- say hello, open doors, that kind of thing. i also try to appreciate the beauty around me. not easy to do, i will admit, especially when i am at work.

my husband just had vein surgery this past week, and has been recovering. i got to take care of him for a change. he has been, and still is, so good to me. i guess now we both realize how fragile life can be, and how you need to appreciate every moment with someone special. i sure did not think about this when i was newly married and in my twenties. i felt invincible then- hardly ever sick, that kind of thing.

one of the things that my husband and i did this weekend was to see the new movie, " hope springs" with meryl streep and tommy lee jones. it was a really good and funny movie about marriage in your "later years" and how you need to nurture and take care of your relationship. i swear, we were some of the younger people at the movie theater though. the folks in front of us, and this is no joke, came in on walkers( bless their hearts and good for them!)

i also got to remove the bandaging from my husband's leg. he still has the steri-strips ( instead of stitches) and has to wear a compression stocking, but all of the bandaging( from his thigh to his foot) had to be cut off. we get ready to do it, and i had some bandage scissors- i thought that  i was  pretty prepared for this. i said, " honey, do you think that we should put down a towel on the bed?" he says, horrified, " A TOWEL? DO YOU THINK THAT THERE WILL BE BLOOD? " i was laughing so hard that i was crying. of course i did not cut him, and when i got past a certain area, he was fine. humor goes a long way if you have had cancer, or if you have a spouse, i guess.

"....kodachrome, it gives us those nice, bright colors. gives us the greens of summer, makes you think all the world's a sunny day, oh yeah! i got a nikon camera, i love to take a photograph, so momma don't take my kodachrome away. " Kodachrome, by Paul Simon

so, i have a small, digital camera. light enough to carry in my pocketbook( for all those unexpected grand baby sightings!). but my favorite camera by a long shot ( no pun intended, of course ), is a big old heavy nikon 35mm with a huge zoom lens. my husband purchased it for me when my children were adolescents, and were embarrassed by the mom paparazzi. i figured if i had a big enough zoom lens, i could get a good picture from far away and that maybe my children would be o.k. with it. so i have books, and books of photos and they mean the world to me. i know digital is the thing now, and i have certainly used my digital camera, stored my pictures on my computer, and let snapfish work it's magic and develop my pictures. however, there is nothing like picking out your own film- kodachrome- and loading that old 35mm up. i am distressed to find that what once was a whole wall of film( at walmart) is now delegated to a small section near the photo center. i am hoping that this will not be eliminated, at least not in the near future. of course, i am sure that i can order it off the internet( i am convinced that i can order anything at all on the internet. i put this to the test a couple of years ago when i was in "isolation" during my I-131 treatment. talk about surfing the web! i was riding a tidal wave, of sorts)

another thing that i like is books. not e-books, but REAL books. i do not own a nook, crook, or whatever those things are called and i do not think that i ever will. i love the feel of a real book in my hands- the smell of the print and paper when you first open a new book is marvelous. there is nothing like it. well, at least not in the electronic world. honestly, i have to stare at a computer all day at work, and i do not like to use one for my reading at home. i have a small "library" in my home. when we did our remodeling several months ago,  i wanted a place for all of my books.  we designated a room for my little library. it has built in book shelves on three walls, and the carpenter said " uh, jeez, miss, it sure is going to take you a lot of time to fill up all them shelves!" i have a news flash for him- i already need more shelves. i have some very old books that were passed down from family members. i have science books, and fiction books. i have a "children's section" that i am looking forward to sharing with my grandson. sometimes i just walk into that room and look at my books. perhaps i should have been a librarian.

you might think that i am old fashioned. i do like new ideas and current events,too. i still go to zumba! but i know what i like and that is not going to change. maybe old cameras and real books are comfort agents for me. i don't know about any of you, but when you have been sick, you tend to gravitate towards people, things, events, etc, that are comforting. i read a review of a book, and i honestly can not remember the title  or author, but the idea was that we can heal ourselves when we have serious illnesses. one of the author's ideas was to listen to beautiful music, and  not watch the news or other violent television programs. i did this instinctively, before i had heard of this idea. i just felt that i could not deal with anything more in my life at the time of my cancer diagnosis. i wanted to surround myself with comfort and calm. i am not sure that it helped in my healing, but it certainly did help my frame of mind.

so i recommend that you read a good book( electronic is o.k. if that is what you like). take a beautiful picture of a place that you love, or a person that you love. buy a belly scarf and take a zumba class. have fun! i am sure that most of us work very, very hard and need more fun in our lives. find your joy and go after it.

piano man

this is a great video ( i think!) of my son dylan and his son gabriel playing the piano. i think gabriel will be a music lover like his dad and me. just reminds me of what is important in life, and also to appreciate the little gems in life that make life, well, life. enjoy.

" Get up, stand up. stand up for your rights. get up, stand up. don't give up the fight" get up, stand up by bob marley

through out my blogs, i have been trying to stress how important it is for thyroid patients to stand up for their rights. it is so important that we become self advocates for better health care . who knows our bodies better than we do? it is imperative that we, as patients, find a health care provider who listens- really, really listens to us along with looking at our lab values. and it is also important that there is a two way communication between our doctor and our self, so that we can map out the best course of treatment for us.

i have many examples( unfortunately) of" things gone wrong" between a doctor and patient , but i will use myself. if you have been reading my blog from the beginning, you may know that i, at one time, was seeing a doctor who thought that my symptoms were " just stress". he would see me once or twice a year, ask a few questions, pat me on the back and say good luck and see you next time. he was a nice person, just not a very good doctor. finally, i told my husband that i knew something was horribly wrong, that it was not " just stress" although i was dealing with some ( aren't we all?) at the time. i found a doctor who listened to me, ordered the right tests, and of course the rest is history.

at the end of that rabbit hole, i fell into "thyroid cancer world", and my world has never been the same. not that my life now  is horrible by any means , it is just different. i have a" new normal", to beat that phrase to death. some people have asked me " how did you know something was wrong? what were your symptoms?"    well, it was not just one thing. i felt a change in my body- a new tiredness- one more intense than, say, having a new baby and being up all hours of the night. it was a constant tiredness that sleep did not seem  to fix. that was one thing. and of course my blood work " looked awful" to use my doctor's phrase. of course, no one was willing ( or able?)  to do anything about it until i found the right doctor. another part of it was just the sense that i knew, somewhere deep inside, that i was sick and needed some help. call it intuition, call it your body parts waving a white flag and trying to get your attention, call it what you will, it was just a feeling.

i saw that darn " back patting" doctor for five years until i stopped fooling myself and did something to help myself. i highly recommend that for anyone reading my blog. if you have " this feeling" you are not getting good health care, if you have symptoms that seem strange even though you are getting treated for a thyroid condition( and this  includes all thyroid disorders, not just cancer) do some research and find a good doctor. it may take you a few tries, but you will get there eventually. to quote bob, " don't give up the fight."


i read a quote one time that i carry with me: " trust yourself, you know more than you think". i think that this is good advice for all of us, especially those of us who are dealing with life long health care issues like thyroid disease.

another important aspect of our health care is keeping good records- have a file that you keep copies of all of your tests in. this is so important, and it will be invaluable to you in the years to come. read all of  the information that you can get your hands on, from reputable sources, of course. one new website that has been brought to my attention is : www.thyroidchange.org. this site contains very good reference articles on thyroid disease and care, and urges us to seek out better health care for thyroid issues. i encourage  everyone to check it out. i have already recommended some books on thyroid disorders, and of course mary shomon's site: aboutthyroid.com.

well, in closing, good luck to everyone in treating your thyroid disorders. be pro-active, ( another cliche) and get all of the useful information that you can. and of course, you can contact me at any time, and i will try to help any way that i can!

"ow, we're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave.the temperature's rising, it isn't surprising...where else? the deep south. hot and humid nights can be expected....vincent: 95, guadeloupe: 97; santa domingo : 99, pardon me, 105???!!! " heat wave, this one sung by marilyn monroe

last weekend my husband and i went down to raleigh to visit our daughter and son-in-law. we live in the mountainous region of the state. it cools off here at night, and rarely gets above 90 in the hottest part of the summer.( i work in town, which is about 30 minutes away, and i can not say the same for the temperature there. it was over 100 several days the past couple of weeks.)

anyway, so it is 105 on both saturday and sunday of our visit. and it did not cool down at night. they have a wonderful screened-in back porch, but you could not even stand it out there- even early in the morning. their house is  air conditioned, so it was nice inside of course. but my daughter and i went shopping on saturday. i am not used to the heat! i know that i am cold intolerant, but i can not stand excessive heat,either. i am not sure if that is a symptom of thyroid disease or not. i know being cold most of the time is, but intolerance to heat? i can not find that symptom listed anywhere. another thing, and i know better of course, but i did not drink enough water/fluids either day. and guess what? i had heat exhaustion. i thought that i would mention the symptoms of heat exhaustion. let's review:

cool, moist skin with goose bumps in hot temperatures (check)

faintness ( afraid so)

dizziness ( a little)

fatigue ( nothing too new about this one!)

low blood pressure upon standing ( how should i know? i did not have my bp cuff)

nausea( big time. i thought i was going to lose my lunch- not cool when you are with your grown child)

headache( yep, and it felt like a different kind of headache than i usually get)

in case of heat exhaustion, and to keep it from going into something worse, i.e. heat stroke, stop all activity and rest! no matter if they are  having this huge sale at the loft, go home and rest! move to a cooler place( hard to find when it is 105). and lastly, drink cool water or sports drinks. o.k. here comes my disclaimer: contact your doctor if symptoms do not cease in about an hour. if they get worse, make sure to give her/him a call. seek help right away if your temperature is 104 or over. jeez, i get sick if my fever goes over 100. 

thankfully, things have cooled off a bit. but i know summer in the south, and soon it will be saying: I'M BACK!!! so please keep these symptoms in mind. better yet, drink plenty of fluids and limit your exposure during a heat wave. and do not forget to keep your thyroid meds cool! especially those folks who use naturally derived thyroid products, an example being armour thyroid. i would keep these in the refrigerator if i were you. besides, refrigerating them also keeps down, the, er, smell. if they get hot, they might not work as well for you. 

did i mention that i made it a whole class in zumba last week? i did the 10 minutes before and 10 minutes after the class on the recumbent bicycle. and i did not jump- i just shook my booty during those parts. our instructor put on her belly scarf half way through the class. and if i can ring up a few sales with the coins on my belly scarf, she can buy out the entire mall! oh, well, something to aspire to, i guess.

hope everyone is having a great summer, and stay cool!

a few of my favorite things ( and people)

my daughter called me today and told me that she has stress fractures in her foot, and must wear a "boot" for at least six weeks. well, you think i LOVE zumba! i am not even in the same category as my daughter when it comes to loving to do zumba. she also runs several miles a week. her doctor told her that she ,obviously, could not exercise until the boot comes off. she was very upset, and i understand this. my daughter is a little like me in this- when we have challenges in our lives, we take a little time to feel sorry for ourselves, then we move on to our "plan of action" in dealing with these challenges. she is going to do upper body exercises until she can get back to zumba and running. exercise is such a stress reliever for both of us, so i understand how losing that, somewhat, for a time can affect your moods and really even your quality of life.

my daughter posted this on facebook, and one of her college friends- who lives out west, wrote the absolute best comment on her situation. this friend of my daughters is a very special person with a unique outlook on life. when my daughter's friend was little, she had cancer and spent several months in the hospital and had some very serious operations. her friend is extremely bright- she graduated from duke university with honors, and could have chosen a very high paying job when she finished. instead, she moved out west- all by herself, and started a new life. my husband and i had the privilege of an over night visit from her on her way out there. because of her illness, she is very centered and calm. she knows what is important in life, and certainly, what is not. she is gracious, and appreciates the small, good things that make life enjoyable. i wish her the best in her new life, and hope that maybe some day she will be passing through this way and will visit us again.

i think that some things happen for a reason. not as punishment, but perhaps so that we can learn from our challenges and re-design our lives. hopefully, we can also share our knowledge with others and enable them to see life differently. i know that i appreciate my family, friends, and the small happy events in my life more than i would had i not gotten sick. i still have to try really hard, but sometimes i even manage not to get caught in the "road blocks to happiness" as i call them. these are things like conflict with others, every day annoyances, stress over, sometimes little things( this is especially hard for me because i am still a worrier). i have always been a spiritual person, but being sick has strengthened my spiritual beliefs.

so, i would like to wish my daughter the best in dealing with her new challenge. i would also like to thank her friend for her wonderful comment on facebook, and i hope that she has continued good health and happiness. in fact, here is to all of you that read my blog: i wish you joy, good health, the good fortune to recognize what is really important in your life, and lots of love. all you need is love, right? oh, that is another song, for another blog, i guess. 


HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

" you are my sunshine,my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray. you'll never know dear, how much i love you. so please don't take my sunshine away. " you are my sunshine

i had an amazing experience this weekend! my husband and i got to keep our little six month old grandson for half of the weekend. our daughter-in-laws parents got the rest of the weekend. we have to share, after all. anyway, it just made me realize how grateful that i am to be a two year cancer survivor. being a grandparent is a wonderful thing, and one that i am happy not to have missed. it is good sometimes to see the world through the eyes of a child. he is so happy about the smallest things, and that is something that all of us should try to incorporate into our daily lives. he " talks" to our cat, and gets tickled when he sees a bird or butterfly. he notices everything- he can not talk of course, but i can see it on his face.

i somehow had the energy to get up at 1am for a feeding. i know that with thyroid problems, everyone suffers from a lack of energy and sleep is incredibly important. but for this one day, my "mommy gene" kicked in, and i got up, no problem. the house was quiet- my husband and our pets were asleep. i was hugely rewarded for being up at that hour, by several gummy smiles, and several "words" of encouragement. we even managed to change a diaper and sleeper without waking anyone else up.

my cat, domino, was jealous. she did not like the fact that someone else was sitting in my lap. she never hissed or anything, but she just looked at him and squeaked at me( she never learned to meow, like a proper cat). she settled for sitting beside us on the couch, and one time his little chubby hand grabbed a bit of her fur before i could stop him. bless her heart,though, she was a trooper and did not move or hiss. i extracted her hair from his little hand, and washed it. domino was not hurt in any way, and he was excited to finally get to touch her.

since i have never been a grandmother before, i can not say if this time is somehow sweeter because of my illness. i do think that i appreciate it more than perhaps i would have had i not been sick. i do try to make every day count, but sometimes it is hard. you just get caught up in every day life- work, chores, bills, or whatever, and it is hard to appreciate all the beautiful things around you. my grandson is one of the best things to happen to me since i got sick. he is a wonderful reminder that despite our sorrows, there is happiness in the world around me, and i have a lot to be thankful for.

my son and daugher-in-law think that my husband and i did them a huge favor this weekend. they took their first vacation, or over-night trip away from their baby. they had a well deserved anniversary trip and i hope that they had a great time. actually, they did us a favor. we got to share in the happiness of a child, and it was a good reminder to appreciate all the little things, that, afterall, make life, life. i know that i have an ultrasound and blood work ( thyroglobulin/thyroglobulin ab) tests coming up in october. but until then, i am going to enjoy my life and try not to worry so much about tests. speaking of tests, i found out that i do not have to have a full body scan this year! no low iodine diet- yipee! although i would not mind the 10-15 pound weight loss that i always have when i go on it. my doctor relies on ultrasounds and blood work to check for any problems. any "set backs" as my grandmother used to say. i wonder what my grandson will remember about me? what i used to say or what we did together. i hopw that there will be many happy memories ahead for both of us.

wednesday is my last physical therapy appointment. my knee, while still sore at times, is doing much better, and i can go to half- zumba classes with warm up and cool downs on the recumbent bike. pt has really helped me and my physical therapist worked really hard with me to get my knee "zumba ready". i think that there will be some moves that i will not ever be able to do because of my knee, but you know what? i sure can shake my booty! nothing wrong there. do you think that gabriel will say one day, my grandma was old, but she did zumba and wore shiny, jingly, belly scarves to class!

i'm b-b-a-a-a-c-c-k!!

i did not crash and burn in zumba tonight! it was only a 30 minute class ( for me) but i made it! several people welcomed me back, and i made a new friend and saw an old friend that i did not know was taking the class. the instructor gave me a welcome back hug. this is such a good class- see why i missed it?

the " no jumping" rule was hard to follow! i love to jump around, i guess, but i did not do it. and once or twice i started to do a move and my knee said " oh, no you don't!" so i just did something else. i may be rusty on some of the moves- but i am still the queen of booty shaking. we did some new songs tonight- new to me, i guess, since i have not been there since january. how i have missed those endorphins!! i was happy to be there and even happier by the time i left. i did the recumbent bike for 10 minutes before the class and for 10 minutes after like my p.t. advised. the recumbent bike is nice because it does not put any pressure( or much) on your knees. the motion helps to push fluid from behind your knees. i wish that i had known this before. i plan to warm up and cool down on the recumbent bike even after i get to do a full class.

i am going to class saturday- if my knee does o.k. the rest of the week. we only have zumba classes on some saturdays, so i do not want to miss one since i will be off. i am off next weekend,too. my daughter will be visiting, so i am hoping that we can go to that class together. my daughter is a ball of energy. she dances like i can only imagine! she moves body parts that i either do not still have, or never had to begin with. we laugh a lot, and it is one of the most enjoyable things that we do together. i have missed being able to go to some classes with her.

so, i have iced down my knee and taken some advil, just in case. hopefully, i will feel great tomorrow and i can get back on track. i have missed my "prozac-like" activity. i know that my family will be delighted that i am able to do  zumba again,too. which reminds me, i think that i need to order a few more belly scarves to celebrate.......

lots of brass instrumentation precedes this.... trying hard now, it's so hard now, trying hard now. getting strong now, won't be long now, getting strong now. gonna fly now, flying high now, gonna fly, fly, fly. " gonna fly now- or the theme from " rocky"

exercise tee shirt- check. new exercise shoes ( ones that will not stick to the floor- hopefully) -check. exercise pants( they fit! o.k. they are a little snug, but not too snug to wear)- check. belly scarves- check, check and check!! yes, it is official- i am going back to zumba tomorrow!! i went to physical therapy yesterday and my pt said that i could go back tomorrow for a half day, but no jumping. i can salsa until the coins on my belly scarf fall off, but no jumping or knee twisty movements. i will admit that it will be hard to modify my movements, but i have a big motivating factor- re-injuring my knee. if nothing else, i can just stand there and shake my booty,er, i mean my belly scarf.

physical therapy has been hard! my insurance company allowed 20 visits, and it took every one of them.  my physical therapist was excellent, but she sure put me through the paces! i was the only one coming out of there sweating and with a red face. but if it had not been for her, i do not think that my knee would be better now. yes, we both worked hard. rocky has nothing on me, hahahaha. i have done my exercises at home- yes, she gave me homework. and i will continue them for as long as i think i need them.

i met a man yesterday who is 94 years old. it took him a while to get in the door( he was using a walker) and to the exercise machine. i am not sure what this machine is called- it is not a rowing machine, although it sort of reminds me of one. i noticed that only people of a certain age get to use this. it sort of gently works their arms and legs. he said, " well, i guess you think it is silly for someone who is 94 years old to come to physical therapy." i said, " no, not at all! i am impressed that you are choosing to be active. it is good for you, mentally and physically." he was a character! he was flirting up a storm with his p.t.- who could not have been more than 23 or so. i could tell though that she was very fond of him.

never give up. that is my motto, i guess. i can see me( if only i get to live that long) at 94, going to physical therapy, or maybe even to  a geriatric zumba class, lol. yes, by the way, for those of you wondering, i will STILL be wearing my belly scarves! i like having a plan- being in charge of my health. i do not like to feel helpless, like there is no hope. cancer can make anyone feel helpless and defeated. exercise is one way that i can feel empowered. take that, thyroid cancer! i have had to modify my life to a new normal. but that does not mean that i can not feel in charge and not at the mercy of a disease. not everyone has to go to zumba class  of course. you can hike, bird watch, etc, whatever makes you happy. but i think that everyone DOES need some special activity or hobby. it is good for the mind and soul, i think.

of course i will let everyone know how my first zumba class since january( wow, will i be out of shape!) goes. i know that i will be humming the theme song to rocky( in my head)  when i get to zumba class. that is until" party rock "comes on( no lead in MY zeppelins )..... to be continued........

" i watch the ripples change their size, but never leave the stream. of warm impermanence and so the days float through my eyes, but still the days seem the same....time may change me, but you can't trace time. ..turn and face the stranger, oh look out you rock and rollers! pretty soon you're gonna get a little older....ch-ch-changes... time may change me, but i can't trace time. " changes, by david bowie

unless you have had cancer, you can not possibly know how it is to face a major life changing experience and then somehow go on with your "new normal" like nothing has happened! you get this terrible diagnosis, try to gather all of the information about your condition as you can, consult with (hopefully) knowledgeable health professionals, and then come up with your plan of action. if you are lucky, things go well( like you had planned) and then you get to go back to your "normal" life. the problem with this idea  being that no matter how hard you and everybody else may try, you will never be able to return to your old life, your old normal being a thing of the past.

for one thing, your body changes. you have a scar on your neck now. at first my scar made me look  like i had auditioned for, and won, the part of the bride of Frankenstein. i made small children cry and run to find their parents. now, you can not tell that  i have a scar, most of the time- unless i swallow or turn my neck  a certain way. i have vitamin e oil to thank for that.oh, and a good surgeon. i should mention him, i guess.  i lost quite a bit of hair after my treatment dose of the I-131. don't you just hate it when your hair dresser mentions this fact? well, duh, i kind of know i am losing my hair, thanks for pointing it out! it did grow back though, and even came back a bit curly, as they promised in the cancer handbook.

and then, there is that low, to no energy part. that has been the worst for me. adjusting my thyroid replacement dose has been quite a feat. i am not there yet. i thought that i was, but my tell-tale heart gave me away. in other words, my endocrinologist heard my heart skipping a beat during my last exam, and decided to lower my dose. now i have an uncontrollable attraction to my bed- lets just say i am metal and my bed, a magnet. long work weeks wipe me out, and it takes me a day or so to recover. i know that i am getting older,too, geez. but i should be able to do more. push myself a little more. now my body says," no way, no how, that is it! had enough. " in other words, nap time.

it is difficult to explain all the crazy mix of feelings that you have when you get a cancer diagnosis. fear, anger, worry, frustration,anxiety,helplessness,etc. what do you do now? how will it affect your family and loved ones? what if the damn stuff comes back? how do you put this out of your mind and live your life,even though it is your life, but it is not. it is your new normal and somehow you must learn to cope with all the changes.

i am still working on the answers to these, and many more, questions. i am thankful to be cancer free for two years, and i am thankful for every good test that i get back, even if testing makes me anxious. i am just taking one day at a time, and trying not to be too hard on myself. it is all just part of my new normal, i guess.

" if you want me, gimme a little sugar, if you don't want me, don't lead me on girl. but if you need me show me that you love me. and when i'm feeling blue and i want you, there's just one thing that you should do.... just gimme some kind of sign girl, on my baby, to show me that you're mine girl, all right." Gimme little sign, by don dixon

when these lyrics popped into my head, you know the story- the quarter went in, but i had to shake the jukebox a little to get it to play! this song is by an artist who had a group( and i am really, really showing my age here) called arrogance. they were extremely popular at unc-chapel hill, where i went to school. i never missed one of their concerts when they were in town.( they toured some, but were originally from the chapel hill area )  mr. dixon went on to become a famous record producer for REM and other groups, and the band broke up, to my dismay. i guess this seems fitting to remember a group from my past, this close to memorial day. first and foremost, of course, we remember our service men and women on this day, but i also remember my family and friends who have passed away. especially, i am remembering my parents, which i do basically every day. i wish that i had had them with me for a while longer, but i am thankful for the time that we did have together.

this weekend,my husband and i  went to see our  children and their spouses, and of course our grandson. while we were in cary, i met a man whose wife had had cancer surgery at the same hospital where i had mine. we could have even had the same surgeon, but i did not ask. "bill"- not his real name, is a very tall, big man, i would guess in his early 40's. his wife is a one year breast cancer survivor. now, bill is a man's man- big, strapping guy, no nonsense, but as nice as can be. he told me that next week, on the exact one year anniversary of his wife's surgery, he will be wearing a pink shirt. how great! he was a little worried about wearing pink- i am pretty sure that he has never worn a pink shirt before! but at the same time, i think that it is a very sweet gesture, i know his wife will appreciate it, and, well, considering his size, i am quite sure that no one will tease bill too much about his shirt color. that got me to thinking about next year. ( this part is a message to my husband) " honey, will you please wear a shirt to honor my, it will be, third year cancer free anniversary?" only problem is though, thyroid cancer has three colors. they are pink, teal, and what they describe as dark blue( looks like purple to me). i guess we will just have to work out how we will do this later.

i love hearing stories about how family members support cancer patients. my husband told me that a man who comes in his store had on one of those yellow,plastic  cancer bracelets. my husband asked him if he was into biking( lance armstrong) and he told him no, that he wore it for his wife. turns out, his wife had thyroid cancer about ten years ago and he has worn the bracelet  ever since in honor of his wife. these signs of support mean a lot to me, as i am sure that they do to other cancer patients . my husband wears a cancer bracelet for me,too. and i am pretty sure that next year , on may 19th , he will be wearing a new color of shirt,too!

i have thought about how small signs of support like these mean to me, and other cancer patients. i can only imagine how our family members and friends must feel about them. i suppose  it makes them feel like they are helping us with their love and support- showing us and the world how much they care about us and want to help. this goes way beyond a shirt color or a bracelet, of course, but it sure is good to see our families/friends making a statement for us. and next week, i hope that bill has all of  his coworkers and family cheering him on the day he wears his pink shirt. i know i will be.

"hey,hey! now it's mambo, italiano. hey, mambo, mambo italiano. i love-a how you dance rumba, but take some advice, paisano, learn how to mambo. if you're gonna be square, you're never gonna go nowhere. hey mambo, mambo italiano! hey mambo, mambo italiano! go, go joe, shake a- like a gioviano. hello, guesadicha. you getta happy in the feets- a when you mambo italiano!" Mambo Italiano, by many artists . i like the one by bette midler.

actually, i love to salsa more than any other dance that we do in zumba. i could just salsa all class period, if our instructor would do that. i have not been to zumba in so long, i am not sure what they are doing. today in physical therapy, my physical therapist said " we are going to do some zumba moves!" she sure knows how to motivate me. what they were actually, were lunges. all kinds of lunges. lunges to the side, back, front, across the room, on a special exercise ball, etc. . boy, do my thighs hurt this evening! and i can tell you that it is not zumba! no great music, dance moves, or belly scarves. for the first time, though, i actually feel like i am going to get better enough to go back to zumba before too much longer. i may be rusty at first, but by golly when we do lunges i will be on top of things! i am the only one, it seems, who comes out of physical therapy with  sweat dripping off of me, and with a red face. my daughter seems to think that i have a personal trainer instead of a physical therapist. whatever you want to call it, it sure has helped. it took longer than i would have liked though, and i almost got discouraged, because my crazy work schedule only allowed one visit per week, most weeks. next week, i get to go twice. ( double the lunges, i guess).

i am starting to adjust somewhat to my new levoxyl dose. my energy is returning somewhat,even  on the "137" days. i still have more energy on my two "150" days per week, though. i figure that it averages out to about 140mcg a day. it still amazes me how just a tiny dose increase/decrease can affect your body in such profound ways. i realize that not having a thyroid makes getting a correct dose for me more difficult. i also know that it will have to be adjusted probably many times in the years( i hope) to come. thankfully, my doctor is willing to compromise with me on the dose. she pays attention to how i am feeling, not just the lab results.

this is my long week at work because i work the weekend. that makes a six out of seven day work week. on saturday, i will celebrate my, drum roll here, please,  TWO YEAR CANCER FREE ANNIVERSARY!! i bought a special black and sequined top to wear to work. i am not sure why, but i wanted to wear sequins to work that day. i am a fairly conservative dresser, but this is a very special occasion to me, obviously. i also am wearing my sparkly allegria shoes with the rhinestone buckles. i figure if anyone gets too close to me, they will be blinded by all of my bling! i plan to add some sparkly jewelry,too. no one knows about my "dress" plans for that day- except of course for you guys. i am looking forward to some element of surprise on that day. usually on saturday, i dress more casually, so it should really be a change. i am also making cupcakes to take to work that day. i always plan on having some kind of cake on my anniversary day, as well. i hope those of you celebrating cancer free anniversary days do something special. something that makes you happy. i am still learning from my "adventures with cancer" but one thing i know for sure, i really, really try to make every day count and i try to be happy. even if it is just a little thing. a salsa. a belly scarf. a little bling on your clothes. a cupcake.