I am afraid that this year, I hit the jackpot of doctor's visits. A couple of weeks ago, I had my yearly pap,etc. test- which was fine.( good results) Then I had my yearly dermatology ( skin cancer check) because in the past, I have had a basal cell carcinoma removed from my face, and a squamous cell carcinoma removed from my leg. I used to have to go every six months, but I have "graduated" to yearly visits now. ( also fine- just a few keratoses frozen off).
Tomorrow, I have the dreaded colonoscopy test. Well, I dread it anyway. There is a history of colon cancer in my family, so I have to get a colonoscopy every five years instead of ten. I honestly and seriously considered skipping this test. But a good friend of my sister's died this year from colon cancer. That gave me pause.... While I am not having any " problems", I also thought about a colleague of mine who went in for a screening colonoscopy at age 50, was not having any symptoms of colon cancer, but in fact did have colon cancer. She had to have surgery and chemotherapy, and is doing fine now, partly because the cancer was diagnosed early. Early diagnosis and treatment is essential to having a good outcome in just about every type of cancer, I think. So, I started fasting yesterday afternoon, and am on clear liquids today. Later this afternoon, I start the dreaded prep- which is probably the worst part of this whole process. My physician will administer Propofol to me during the test, so I will be out for the actual procedure. Interestingly enough, I have had two previous colonoscopies, from a different physician, using the " conscious sedation" method. Remember when Katie Couric had her colonoscopy done live on national TV? I can say that it did not hurt- the doctor gives you a couple of things to relax you, but I was able to watch as the doctor did the procedure on the big screen TV. The main problem with this, and why my current physician will not use the conscious sedation technique, is that if the patient coughs or sneezes, the intestines can be perforated, and will have to have surgery. No thank you.
On Thursday, yes, this Thursday, I have my big checkup and blood work for my breast cancer. This is the test that makes me panic. I can still recall the smell of the antiseptic soap as I entered the waiting room and almost get physically sick. I had a tremendous amount of nausea and vomiting during the three months, and a month or two beyond, that I had to have chemotherapy. Strong smells made me so nauseous, and for some reason, the smell of the hand soap in the office was a real trigger for me. I think perhaps it was nausea by association, or whatever, but four years later, I still get sick just thinking about it. I have to take a type of chemotherapy drug to prevent a breast cancer recurrence. This drug has a lot of side effects, and I am not sure if I will get to stop this drug in five years, or if the oncologist will want me to continue it for ten years. The last time that I had my check up, the oncologist said that he would let me know " later" as to how long that I would have to be on this medication. I suppose that I will hear his recommendation on Thursday? I will have to say, that I may decide on my own that five years will be enough( It has been four years so far). One has to consider the quality of life versus the possible benefits. Yes, I listen to my oncologist and his recommendations. But he listens to my side of the story, too.I know that he has a lot of experience and knowledge in this field ( or I would not be a patient of his), but there is, like I mentioned, the " quality of life" issue that must be considered,too.
If I am still around after Thursday, hahahahaha, I have my big thyroid cancer check up on September 5th. I still have these thyroid check ups every six months because, as I have said in previous blogs, I had papillary thyroid cancer with follicular variant, stage 3, two of my parathyroids were cancerous and had to be removed, and although there were no lymph nodes involved per se, both of my main tumors were unencapsulated and diffusely infiltrative. That just means that the tumors had ruptured, and the cancerous contents had spilled out in my neck bed area. Yuck.
I generally do not mind this checkup. I really like my endocrinologist, and she really listens to how I am feeling, and does not just look at the lab work numbers. For three and a half years, my thyroglobulin was elevated, which meant that there was thyroid cancer present in my body somewhere. I got a really big dose of the radioactive I-131 ( 155 milicuries) and my doctor said that sometimes it just took a while for the thyroglobulins to go away. I am very thankful that I did not have to get a second dose of the I-131, because, surprise, it has some pretty nasty side effects, too.
When I was looking over my calendar of events, so to speak, I became rather anxious. I decided that I needed to take these tests one test at a time. I could not think about them all at the same time- it was just too much. Yes, I am thankful for good medical care. I am appreciative of all of the skill and concern that my doctors have so that I can be healthy, and well, just be HERE for my family and friends. I do practice gratitude on a daily basis. However, sometimes, the testing feels overwhelming to me. Sometimes it takes every bit of courage and energy that I have just to walk into the doctor's office. ( Any of my doctors' offices. Just pick one..). But as Tom Petty so eloquently put it, " You can stand me up at the gates of Hell, and I won't back down." I have a new granddaughter who was born at the end of May. I am now a Mimi to four wonderful grandchildren. I love all of my family and I want to be here for them. I need to take care of myself by having these tests done and trying to have a good lifestyle. But as Tom Petty also said, " there ain't no easy way out." I will summon my courage, and have these tests done- for my family as well as for myself.
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