i will tell you guys a secret. well, actually, a few years ago, when i was " only" dealing with thyroid cancer, i wrote a blog about it. that nasty little secret has been following me around for several years now. it has a name- anxiety. my anxiety started when my thyroid went all crazy. and yes, i was HYPOthyroid. anxiety is more often associated with HYPERthyroid conditions, but i know of several other people who have had extreme anxiety that can be, at least in part, associated with being hypothyroid.
the unsettling thing about anxiety is that you never can be sure when it will strike. it is sort of like a poisonous snake hidden in the garden. there you are, having a good time, smelling the roses, when, BAMM, it comes out of nowhere. i had sort of gotten my anxiety somewhat under control,thanks mostly to finding an endocrinologist who decided to treat my symptoms, even though my blood work was, let's just say, unusual. as my family doctor put it " wow, your thyroid blood work does not make sense!". do you think??
then, seven years ago, along came thyroid cancer. stage three, fairly aggressive. anxiety slithered out of the garden and into my life in a big way. surgery, treatment, tests, it seemed like i was handling everything well. if you suffer from anxiety,too, you know that it is sort of a closet disease. anxiety patients deal, make excuses when we can not deal, and try to go on with our lives. honestly, though, it takes a toll. i think it raises our stress levels, which raise our anxiety levels- an endless cycle, it seems.
so, i was doing fairly well with the anxiety, and then came the breast cancer diagnosis out of left field. maybe it had been hanging out with the poisonous snake, but i certainly did not expect that one either. i think that i have done pretty well considering everything that has happened to me . i owe a lot to the support of my family and friends. but anxiety is a solitary stalker. as i said, you never know when or where it will strike. it does not have anything to do with your happiness level, or what you have or have not. anxiety makes no sense whatsoever.
my anxiety is mostly vampiric in nature. i will admit to taking a mild anti- anxiety medication at bedtime, although this can be addictive, and i do not recommend this for everyone. it has helped me deal with the anxiety somewhat. another method- better, really, and not addictive, is deep breathing. yes, we all know how to breathe, but honestly, taking several deep breaths, in and out, and being aware of your breathing does help. meditation or praying also can help free up a cluttered mind, as i sometimes call anxiety. exercise is a good method to treat anxiety. but i need a knee replacement, which i was supposed to have before my bilateral mastectomies, so exercise for me is somewhat limited at the moment. i am working up the nerve to have my knee replaced but have not as yet , as i am tired of surgeries, hospitals, PAIN, etc... i do get outside to walk a little. well, at a snail's pace for sure and that is helpful. connecting with nature helps as well.
i retired in january, so some of you- probably those lucky enough not to have had any issues with anxiety- are wondering what i have to be anxious about. being retired is great. the work stress is gone, and that is helpful. but anxiety does not necessarily leave the minute we turn in our work badge and door keys. being a two time cancer survivor, i realize that i certainly can have a recurrence at some point. i try to live my life as fully and joyfully as i possibly can. i go for my check ups, blood work, and scans when my doctors schedule them. scan or test anxiety is difficult, but i need to be responsible about my health and do all that i possibly can to take care of myself- for my family, as well as for myself.
i would like to say that anxiety does not get the best of me. in reality, sometimes it just does. but i keep on going, doing the best that i can- and that includes wearing boots in the garden.
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