piano man

this is a great video ( i think!) of my son dylan and his son gabriel playing the piano. i think gabriel will be a music lover like his dad and me. just reminds me of what is important in life, and also to appreciate the little gems in life that make life, well, life. enjoy.

" Get up, stand up. stand up for your rights. get up, stand up. don't give up the fight" get up, stand up by bob marley

through out my blogs, i have been trying to stress how important it is for thyroid patients to stand up for their rights. it is so important that we become self advocates for better health care . who knows our bodies better than we do? it is imperative that we, as patients, find a health care provider who listens- really, really listens to us along with looking at our lab values. and it is also important that there is a two way communication between our doctor and our self, so that we can map out the best course of treatment for us.

i have many examples( unfortunately) of" things gone wrong" between a doctor and patient , but i will use myself. if you have been reading my blog from the beginning, you may know that i, at one time, was seeing a doctor who thought that my symptoms were " just stress". he would see me once or twice a year, ask a few questions, pat me on the back and say good luck and see you next time. he was a nice person, just not a very good doctor. finally, i told my husband that i knew something was horribly wrong, that it was not " just stress" although i was dealing with some ( aren't we all?) at the time. i found a doctor who listened to me, ordered the right tests, and of course the rest is history.

at the end of that rabbit hole, i fell into "thyroid cancer world", and my world has never been the same. not that my life now  is horrible by any means , it is just different. i have a" new normal", to beat that phrase to death. some people have asked me " how did you know something was wrong? what were your symptoms?"    well, it was not just one thing. i felt a change in my body- a new tiredness- one more intense than, say, having a new baby and being up all hours of the night. it was a constant tiredness that sleep did not seem  to fix. that was one thing. and of course my blood work " looked awful" to use my doctor's phrase. of course, no one was willing ( or able?)  to do anything about it until i found the right doctor. another part of it was just the sense that i knew, somewhere deep inside, that i was sick and needed some help. call it intuition, call it your body parts waving a white flag and trying to get your attention, call it what you will, it was just a feeling.

i saw that darn " back patting" doctor for five years until i stopped fooling myself and did something to help myself. i highly recommend that for anyone reading my blog. if you have " this feeling" you are not getting good health care, if you have symptoms that seem strange even though you are getting treated for a thyroid condition( and this  includes all thyroid disorders, not just cancer) do some research and find a good doctor. it may take you a few tries, but you will get there eventually. to quote bob, " don't give up the fight."


i read a quote one time that i carry with me: " trust yourself, you know more than you think". i think that this is good advice for all of us, especially those of us who are dealing with life long health care issues like thyroid disease.

another important aspect of our health care is keeping good records- have a file that you keep copies of all of your tests in. this is so important, and it will be invaluable to you in the years to come. read all of  the information that you can get your hands on, from reputable sources, of course. one new website that has been brought to my attention is : www.thyroidchange.org. this site contains very good reference articles on thyroid disease and care, and urges us to seek out better health care for thyroid issues. i encourage  everyone to check it out. i have already recommended some books on thyroid disorders, and of course mary shomon's site: aboutthyroid.com.

well, in closing, good luck to everyone in treating your thyroid disorders. be pro-active, ( another cliche) and get all of the useful information that you can. and of course, you can contact me at any time, and i will try to help any way that i can!

"ow, we're having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave.the temperature's rising, it isn't surprising...where else? the deep south. hot and humid nights can be expected....vincent: 95, guadeloupe: 97; santa domingo : 99, pardon me, 105???!!! " heat wave, this one sung by marilyn monroe

last weekend my husband and i went down to raleigh to visit our daughter and son-in-law. we live in the mountainous region of the state. it cools off here at night, and rarely gets above 90 in the hottest part of the summer.( i work in town, which is about 30 minutes away, and i can not say the same for the temperature there. it was over 100 several days the past couple of weeks.)

anyway, so it is 105 on both saturday and sunday of our visit. and it did not cool down at night. they have a wonderful screened-in back porch, but you could not even stand it out there- even early in the morning. their house is  air conditioned, so it was nice inside of course. but my daughter and i went shopping on saturday. i am not used to the heat! i know that i am cold intolerant, but i can not stand excessive heat,either. i am not sure if that is a symptom of thyroid disease or not. i know being cold most of the time is, but intolerance to heat? i can not find that symptom listed anywhere. another thing, and i know better of course, but i did not drink enough water/fluids either day. and guess what? i had heat exhaustion. i thought that i would mention the symptoms of heat exhaustion. let's review:

cool, moist skin with goose bumps in hot temperatures (check)

faintness ( afraid so)

dizziness ( a little)

fatigue ( nothing too new about this one!)

low blood pressure upon standing ( how should i know? i did not have my bp cuff)

nausea( big time. i thought i was going to lose my lunch- not cool when you are with your grown child)

headache( yep, and it felt like a different kind of headache than i usually get)

in case of heat exhaustion, and to keep it from going into something worse, i.e. heat stroke, stop all activity and rest! no matter if they are  having this huge sale at the loft, go home and rest! move to a cooler place( hard to find when it is 105). and lastly, drink cool water or sports drinks. o.k. here comes my disclaimer: contact your doctor if symptoms do not cease in about an hour. if they get worse, make sure to give her/him a call. seek help right away if your temperature is 104 or over. jeez, i get sick if my fever goes over 100. 

thankfully, things have cooled off a bit. but i know summer in the south, and soon it will be saying: I'M BACK!!! so please keep these symptoms in mind. better yet, drink plenty of fluids and limit your exposure during a heat wave. and do not forget to keep your thyroid meds cool! especially those folks who use naturally derived thyroid products, an example being armour thyroid. i would keep these in the refrigerator if i were you. besides, refrigerating them also keeps down, the, er, smell. if they get hot, they might not work as well for you. 

did i mention that i made it a whole class in zumba last week? i did the 10 minutes before and 10 minutes after the class on the recumbent bicycle. and i did not jump- i just shook my booty during those parts. our instructor put on her belly scarf half way through the class. and if i can ring up a few sales with the coins on my belly scarf, she can buy out the entire mall! oh, well, something to aspire to, i guess.

hope everyone is having a great summer, and stay cool!

a few of my favorite things ( and people)

my daughter called me today and told me that she has stress fractures in her foot, and must wear a "boot" for at least six weeks. well, you think i LOVE zumba! i am not even in the same category as my daughter when it comes to loving to do zumba. she also runs several miles a week. her doctor told her that she ,obviously, could not exercise until the boot comes off. she was very upset, and i understand this. my daughter is a little like me in this- when we have challenges in our lives, we take a little time to feel sorry for ourselves, then we move on to our "plan of action" in dealing with these challenges. she is going to do upper body exercises until she can get back to zumba and running. exercise is such a stress reliever for both of us, so i understand how losing that, somewhat, for a time can affect your moods and really even your quality of life.

my daughter posted this on facebook, and one of her college friends- who lives out west, wrote the absolute best comment on her situation. this friend of my daughters is a very special person with a unique outlook on life. when my daughter's friend was little, she had cancer and spent several months in the hospital and had some very serious operations. her friend is extremely bright- she graduated from duke university with honors, and could have chosen a very high paying job when she finished. instead, she moved out west- all by herself, and started a new life. my husband and i had the privilege of an over night visit from her on her way out there. because of her illness, she is very centered and calm. she knows what is important in life, and certainly, what is not. she is gracious, and appreciates the small, good things that make life enjoyable. i wish her the best in her new life, and hope that maybe some day she will be passing through this way and will visit us again.

i think that some things happen for a reason. not as punishment, but perhaps so that we can learn from our challenges and re-design our lives. hopefully, we can also share our knowledge with others and enable them to see life differently. i know that i appreciate my family, friends, and the small happy events in my life more than i would had i not gotten sick. i still have to try really hard, but sometimes i even manage not to get caught in the "road blocks to happiness" as i call them. these are things like conflict with others, every day annoyances, stress over, sometimes little things( this is especially hard for me because i am still a worrier). i have always been a spiritual person, but being sick has strengthened my spiritual beliefs.

so, i would like to wish my daughter the best in dealing with her new challenge. i would also like to thank her friend for her wonderful comment on facebook, and i hope that she has continued good health and happiness. in fact, here is to all of you that read my blog: i wish you joy, good health, the good fortune to recognize what is really important in your life, and lots of love. all you need is love, right? oh, that is another song, for another blog, i guess. 


HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY!!

" you are my sunshine,my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are gray. you'll never know dear, how much i love you. so please don't take my sunshine away. " you are my sunshine

i had an amazing experience this weekend! my husband and i got to keep our little six month old grandson for half of the weekend. our daughter-in-laws parents got the rest of the weekend. we have to share, after all. anyway, it just made me realize how grateful that i am to be a two year cancer survivor. being a grandparent is a wonderful thing, and one that i am happy not to have missed. it is good sometimes to see the world through the eyes of a child. he is so happy about the smallest things, and that is something that all of us should try to incorporate into our daily lives. he " talks" to our cat, and gets tickled when he sees a bird or butterfly. he notices everything- he can not talk of course, but i can see it on his face.

i somehow had the energy to get up at 1am for a feeding. i know that with thyroid problems, everyone suffers from a lack of energy and sleep is incredibly important. but for this one day, my "mommy gene" kicked in, and i got up, no problem. the house was quiet- my husband and our pets were asleep. i was hugely rewarded for being up at that hour, by several gummy smiles, and several "words" of encouragement. we even managed to change a diaper and sleeper without waking anyone else up.

my cat, domino, was jealous. she did not like the fact that someone else was sitting in my lap. she never hissed or anything, but she just looked at him and squeaked at me( she never learned to meow, like a proper cat). she settled for sitting beside us on the couch, and one time his little chubby hand grabbed a bit of her fur before i could stop him. bless her heart,though, she was a trooper and did not move or hiss. i extracted her hair from his little hand, and washed it. domino was not hurt in any way, and he was excited to finally get to touch her.

since i have never been a grandmother before, i can not say if this time is somehow sweeter because of my illness. i do think that i appreciate it more than perhaps i would have had i not been sick. i do try to make every day count, but sometimes it is hard. you just get caught up in every day life- work, chores, bills, or whatever, and it is hard to appreciate all the beautiful things around you. my grandson is one of the best things to happen to me since i got sick. he is a wonderful reminder that despite our sorrows, there is happiness in the world around me, and i have a lot to be thankful for.

my son and daugher-in-law think that my husband and i did them a huge favor this weekend. they took their first vacation, or over-night trip away from their baby. they had a well deserved anniversary trip and i hope that they had a great time. actually, they did us a favor. we got to share in the happiness of a child, and it was a good reminder to appreciate all the little things, that, afterall, make life, life. i know that i have an ultrasound and blood work ( thyroglobulin/thyroglobulin ab) tests coming up in october. but until then, i am going to enjoy my life and try not to worry so much about tests. speaking of tests, i found out that i do not have to have a full body scan this year! no low iodine diet- yipee! although i would not mind the 10-15 pound weight loss that i always have when i go on it. my doctor relies on ultrasounds and blood work to check for any problems. any "set backs" as my grandmother used to say. i wonder what my grandson will remember about me? what i used to say or what we did together. i hopw that there will be many happy memories ahead for both of us.

wednesday is my last physical therapy appointment. my knee, while still sore at times, is doing much better, and i can go to half- zumba classes with warm up and cool downs on the recumbent bike. pt has really helped me and my physical therapist worked really hard with me to get my knee "zumba ready". i think that there will be some moves that i will not ever be able to do because of my knee, but you know what? i sure can shake my booty! nothing wrong there. do you think that gabriel will say one day, my grandma was old, but she did zumba and wore shiny, jingly, belly scarves to class!

i'm b-b-a-a-a-c-c-k!!

i did not crash and burn in zumba tonight! it was only a 30 minute class ( for me) but i made it! several people welcomed me back, and i made a new friend and saw an old friend that i did not know was taking the class. the instructor gave me a welcome back hug. this is such a good class- see why i missed it?

the " no jumping" rule was hard to follow! i love to jump around, i guess, but i did not do it. and once or twice i started to do a move and my knee said " oh, no you don't!" so i just did something else. i may be rusty on some of the moves- but i am still the queen of booty shaking. we did some new songs tonight- new to me, i guess, since i have not been there since january. how i have missed those endorphins!! i was happy to be there and even happier by the time i left. i did the recumbent bike for 10 minutes before the class and for 10 minutes after like my p.t. advised. the recumbent bike is nice because it does not put any pressure( or much) on your knees. the motion helps to push fluid from behind your knees. i wish that i had known this before. i plan to warm up and cool down on the recumbent bike even after i get to do a full class.

i am going to class saturday- if my knee does o.k. the rest of the week. we only have zumba classes on some saturdays, so i do not want to miss one since i will be off. i am off next weekend,too. my daughter will be visiting, so i am hoping that we can go to that class together. my daughter is a ball of energy. she dances like i can only imagine! she moves body parts that i either do not still have, or never had to begin with. we laugh a lot, and it is one of the most enjoyable things that we do together. i have missed being able to go to some classes with her.

so, i have iced down my knee and taken some advil, just in case. hopefully, i will feel great tomorrow and i can get back on track. i have missed my "prozac-like" activity. i know that my family will be delighted that i am able to do  zumba again,too. which reminds me, i think that i need to order a few more belly scarves to celebrate.......

lots of brass instrumentation precedes this.... trying hard now, it's so hard now, trying hard now. getting strong now, won't be long now, getting strong now. gonna fly now, flying high now, gonna fly, fly, fly. " gonna fly now- or the theme from " rocky"

exercise tee shirt- check. new exercise shoes ( ones that will not stick to the floor- hopefully) -check. exercise pants( they fit! o.k. they are a little snug, but not too snug to wear)- check. belly scarves- check, check and check!! yes, it is official- i am going back to zumba tomorrow!! i went to physical therapy yesterday and my pt said that i could go back tomorrow for a half day, but no jumping. i can salsa until the coins on my belly scarf fall off, but no jumping or knee twisty movements. i will admit that it will be hard to modify my movements, but i have a big motivating factor- re-injuring my knee. if nothing else, i can just stand there and shake my booty,er, i mean my belly scarf.

physical therapy has been hard! my insurance company allowed 20 visits, and it took every one of them.  my physical therapist was excellent, but she sure put me through the paces! i was the only one coming out of there sweating and with a red face. but if it had not been for her, i do not think that my knee would be better now. yes, we both worked hard. rocky has nothing on me, hahahaha. i have done my exercises at home- yes, she gave me homework. and i will continue them for as long as i think i need them.

i met a man yesterday who is 94 years old. it took him a while to get in the door( he was using a walker) and to the exercise machine. i am not sure what this machine is called- it is not a rowing machine, although it sort of reminds me of one. i noticed that only people of a certain age get to use this. it sort of gently works their arms and legs. he said, " well, i guess you think it is silly for someone who is 94 years old to come to physical therapy." i said, " no, not at all! i am impressed that you are choosing to be active. it is good for you, mentally and physically." he was a character! he was flirting up a storm with his p.t.- who could not have been more than 23 or so. i could tell though that she was very fond of him.

never give up. that is my motto, i guess. i can see me( if only i get to live that long) at 94, going to physical therapy, or maybe even to  a geriatric zumba class, lol. yes, by the way, for those of you wondering, i will STILL be wearing my belly scarves! i like having a plan- being in charge of my health. i do not like to feel helpless, like there is no hope. cancer can make anyone feel helpless and defeated. exercise is one way that i can feel empowered. take that, thyroid cancer! i have had to modify my life to a new normal. but that does not mean that i can not feel in charge and not at the mercy of a disease. not everyone has to go to zumba class  of course. you can hike, bird watch, etc, whatever makes you happy. but i think that everyone DOES need some special activity or hobby. it is good for the mind and soul, i think.

of course i will let everyone know how my first zumba class since january( wow, will i be out of shape!) goes. i know that i will be humming the theme song to rocky( in my head)  when i get to zumba class. that is until" party rock "comes on( no lead in MY zeppelins )..... to be continued........

" i watch the ripples change their size, but never leave the stream. of warm impermanence and so the days float through my eyes, but still the days seem the same....time may change me, but you can't trace time. ..turn and face the stranger, oh look out you rock and rollers! pretty soon you're gonna get a little older....ch-ch-changes... time may change me, but i can't trace time. " changes, by david bowie

unless you have had cancer, you can not possibly know how it is to face a major life changing experience and then somehow go on with your "new normal" like nothing has happened! you get this terrible diagnosis, try to gather all of the information about your condition as you can, consult with (hopefully) knowledgeable health professionals, and then come up with your plan of action. if you are lucky, things go well( like you had planned) and then you get to go back to your "normal" life. the problem with this idea  being that no matter how hard you and everybody else may try, you will never be able to return to your old life, your old normal being a thing of the past.

for one thing, your body changes. you have a scar on your neck now. at first my scar made me look  like i had auditioned for, and won, the part of the bride of Frankenstein. i made small children cry and run to find their parents. now, you can not tell that  i have a scar, most of the time- unless i swallow or turn my neck  a certain way. i have vitamin e oil to thank for that.oh, and a good surgeon. i should mention him, i guess.  i lost quite a bit of hair after my treatment dose of the I-131. don't you just hate it when your hair dresser mentions this fact? well, duh, i kind of know i am losing my hair, thanks for pointing it out! it did grow back though, and even came back a bit curly, as they promised in the cancer handbook.

and then, there is that low, to no energy part. that has been the worst for me. adjusting my thyroid replacement dose has been quite a feat. i am not there yet. i thought that i was, but my tell-tale heart gave me away. in other words, my endocrinologist heard my heart skipping a beat during my last exam, and decided to lower my dose. now i have an uncontrollable attraction to my bed- lets just say i am metal and my bed, a magnet. long work weeks wipe me out, and it takes me a day or so to recover. i know that i am getting older,too, geez. but i should be able to do more. push myself a little more. now my body says," no way, no how, that is it! had enough. " in other words, nap time.

it is difficult to explain all the crazy mix of feelings that you have when you get a cancer diagnosis. fear, anger, worry, frustration,anxiety,helplessness,etc. what do you do now? how will it affect your family and loved ones? what if the damn stuff comes back? how do you put this out of your mind and live your life,even though it is your life, but it is not. it is your new normal and somehow you must learn to cope with all the changes.

i am still working on the answers to these, and many more, questions. i am thankful to be cancer free for two years, and i am thankful for every good test that i get back, even if testing makes me anxious. i am just taking one day at a time, and trying not to be too hard on myself. it is all just part of my new normal, i guess.

" if you want me, gimme a little sugar, if you don't want me, don't lead me on girl. but if you need me show me that you love me. and when i'm feeling blue and i want you, there's just one thing that you should do.... just gimme some kind of sign girl, on my baby, to show me that you're mine girl, all right." Gimme little sign, by don dixon

when these lyrics popped into my head, you know the story- the quarter went in, but i had to shake the jukebox a little to get it to play! this song is by an artist who had a group( and i am really, really showing my age here) called arrogance. they were extremely popular at unc-chapel hill, where i went to school. i never missed one of their concerts when they were in town.( they toured some, but were originally from the chapel hill area )  mr. dixon went on to become a famous record producer for REM and other groups, and the band broke up, to my dismay. i guess this seems fitting to remember a group from my past, this close to memorial day. first and foremost, of course, we remember our service men and women on this day, but i also remember my family and friends who have passed away. especially, i am remembering my parents, which i do basically every day. i wish that i had had them with me for a while longer, but i am thankful for the time that we did have together.

this weekend,my husband and i  went to see our  children and their spouses, and of course our grandson. while we were in cary, i met a man whose wife had had cancer surgery at the same hospital where i had mine. we could have even had the same surgeon, but i did not ask. "bill"- not his real name, is a very tall, big man, i would guess in his early 40's. his wife is a one year breast cancer survivor. now, bill is a man's man- big, strapping guy, no nonsense, but as nice as can be. he told me that next week, on the exact one year anniversary of his wife's surgery, he will be wearing a pink shirt. how great! he was a little worried about wearing pink- i am pretty sure that he has never worn a pink shirt before! but at the same time, i think that it is a very sweet gesture, i know his wife will appreciate it, and, well, considering his size, i am quite sure that no one will tease bill too much about his shirt color. that got me to thinking about next year. ( this part is a message to my husband) " honey, will you please wear a shirt to honor my, it will be, third year cancer free anniversary?" only problem is though, thyroid cancer has three colors. they are pink, teal, and what they describe as dark blue( looks like purple to me). i guess we will just have to work out how we will do this later.

i love hearing stories about how family members support cancer patients. my husband told me that a man who comes in his store had on one of those yellow,plastic  cancer bracelets. my husband asked him if he was into biking( lance armstrong) and he told him no, that he wore it for his wife. turns out, his wife had thyroid cancer about ten years ago and he has worn the bracelet  ever since in honor of his wife. these signs of support mean a lot to me, as i am sure that they do to other cancer patients . my husband wears a cancer bracelet for me,too. and i am pretty sure that next year , on may 19th , he will be wearing a new color of shirt,too!

i have thought about how small signs of support like these mean to me, and other cancer patients. i can only imagine how our family members and friends must feel about them. i suppose  it makes them feel like they are helping us with their love and support- showing us and the world how much they care about us and want to help. this goes way beyond a shirt color or a bracelet, of course, but it sure is good to see our families/friends making a statement for us. and next week, i hope that bill has all of  his coworkers and family cheering him on the day he wears his pink shirt. i know i will be.

"hey,hey! now it's mambo, italiano. hey, mambo, mambo italiano. i love-a how you dance rumba, but take some advice, paisano, learn how to mambo. if you're gonna be square, you're never gonna go nowhere. hey mambo, mambo italiano! hey mambo, mambo italiano! go, go joe, shake a- like a gioviano. hello, guesadicha. you getta happy in the feets- a when you mambo italiano!" Mambo Italiano, by many artists . i like the one by bette midler.

actually, i love to salsa more than any other dance that we do in zumba. i could just salsa all class period, if our instructor would do that. i have not been to zumba in so long, i am not sure what they are doing. today in physical therapy, my physical therapist said " we are going to do some zumba moves!" she sure knows how to motivate me. what they were actually, were lunges. all kinds of lunges. lunges to the side, back, front, across the room, on a special exercise ball, etc. . boy, do my thighs hurt this evening! and i can tell you that it is not zumba! no great music, dance moves, or belly scarves. for the first time, though, i actually feel like i am going to get better enough to go back to zumba before too much longer. i may be rusty at first, but by golly when we do lunges i will be on top of things! i am the only one, it seems, who comes out of physical therapy with  sweat dripping off of me, and with a red face. my daughter seems to think that i have a personal trainer instead of a physical therapist. whatever you want to call it, it sure has helped. it took longer than i would have liked though, and i almost got discouraged, because my crazy work schedule only allowed one visit per week, most weeks. next week, i get to go twice. ( double the lunges, i guess).

i am starting to adjust somewhat to my new levoxyl dose. my energy is returning somewhat,even  on the "137" days. i still have more energy on my two "150" days per week, though. i figure that it averages out to about 140mcg a day. it still amazes me how just a tiny dose increase/decrease can affect your body in such profound ways. i realize that not having a thyroid makes getting a correct dose for me more difficult. i also know that it will have to be adjusted probably many times in the years( i hope) to come. thankfully, my doctor is willing to compromise with me on the dose. she pays attention to how i am feeling, not just the lab results.

this is my long week at work because i work the weekend. that makes a six out of seven day work week. on saturday, i will celebrate my, drum roll here, please,  TWO YEAR CANCER FREE ANNIVERSARY!! i bought a special black and sequined top to wear to work. i am not sure why, but i wanted to wear sequins to work that day. i am a fairly conservative dresser, but this is a very special occasion to me, obviously. i also am wearing my sparkly allegria shoes with the rhinestone buckles. i figure if anyone gets too close to me, they will be blinded by all of my bling! i plan to add some sparkly jewelry,too. no one knows about my "dress" plans for that day- except of course for you guys. i am looking forward to some element of surprise on that day. usually on saturday, i dress more casually, so it should really be a change. i am also making cupcakes to take to work that day. i always plan on having some kind of cake on my anniversary day, as well. i hope those of you celebrating cancer free anniversary days do something special. something that makes you happy. i am still learning from my "adventures with cancer" but one thing i know for sure, i really, really try to make every day count and i try to be happy. even if it is just a little thing. a salsa. a belly scarf. a little bling on your clothes. a cupcake.

"we skipped the light fandango, and turned cartwheels 'cross the floor. i was feeling kind of sea sick, but the crowd called out for more. the room was humming harder, as the ceiling flew away. ....and so it was that later, as the miller told his tale, that her face at first just ghostly, turned a whiter shade of pale." Whiter shade of pale, by procol harum.

last week i had to have a diagnostic mammogram. it was because the radiologist " saw something" on my last mammogram six months ago. my, does time fly! i got all worked up about the last one( they called me back a few days after my regular mammogram in november  and told me that they needed to do a cone mammogram) this time however, i decided not to get all worked up about things. i was going to drive myself to the mammogram center, but my husband decided to come along at the last minute. it is a two hour round trip drive, and our only day off for the week. but i am glad that he did.

so, the technician does the mammograms- she did the cone one,too. yeah. have you ever had a cone mammogram? the first time i saw the "plates", i am not sure of the correct term, i thought, now just how am i going to fit in there? somehow i did,though. the main problem i have when i have mammograms is that i start holding my breath too soon. the moment the technician turns the clamp, so to speak, i automatically hold my breath. so she gets over there to her machine, and says" hold your breath now", but of course, i have already started without her. the rate i am going, i should be able to break the record for breath holding before too long.

i can not tell you how long it seemed before the technician came back into my little cubby.  instead of telling me, o.k. great, you can go home now! she said," uh, the radiologist said that he needs to see more pictures in this one area." have you ever wondered how i go about getting my song ideas for my blogs? well, my mind is like one of those old fashioned juke- box players  that used to be  in diner type restaurants. i have all of these songs up there waiting, and some event happens, and boom, i put a quarter in, and it plays an appropriate song. i have not thought about this song in ages, although i loved it. i can tell you though, when the technician came in and told me i needed to go back in for more pictures, i am sure that my face was indeed a whiter shade of pale.

so i have more pictures taken  on the" trouble making" side, and wait some more. this time, the special nurse comes in and tells me that everything is o.k. the radiologist thinks that this looks the same- no changes- from last year. he just wanted to make sure. well, i am thankful that he is thorough. i have to come back in six months and do it all over again- this time on both sides. i am also thankful that my husband went with me. he said," wow, you look a little pale, is everything o.k.?" when you have had cancer it is hard to have tests, as i am sure  most of you who read my blog  already know. it is also hard,though, on our loved ones. it was a quiet trip back home.  i guess  i should have been turning cartwheels across the floor, but  i just felt like i had dodged another bullet.

my children and grandson are coming home later today. i can not wait to see everyone! i am going to " kiss my grandson until his hair is wet" as a good friend of mine says. and i will be thankful that everything turned out o.k. happy mothers day, everyone!

"....say, here i am, on the road again. there i am, up on the stage. here i go, playing star again, there i go, turn the page. ....out there in the spotlight you're a million miles away. every ounce of energy you try to give away. as the sweat pours out of your body, like the music that you play. here i am, on the road again. there i am, up on the stage. here i go, playing star again. there i go, turn the page." Turn the page, by bob seger

i guess that i have been fortunate for a while to be off of the "thyroid-less roller coaster." i felt pretty good, and i know that it was because my thyroid levels , up to now, have been  good for me. since my endo has changed my dose though, i feel like i have a one-way ticket on the thyroid-less roller coaster, a never ending ride. i sort of feel like dr. jeckyl and mr. hyde. one day i am upbeat, have some energy, feel like my new normal and i think that people might actually like to be around me. the next day,however, i am grumpy, tired, and,well, sort of mr. hyde-ish. my husband has started asking me, " uh, honey, is it a 150 or 137 day?"( a reference to my levoxyl dose that day). no doubt he asks this so he can make " outside plans" for the day.

i am still hopeful that my thyroid  levels will level out and perhaps i will feel better, but i am not seeing it yet. i rotate my two precious 150mcg days to my two  busiest work days, so that i will have more energy and actually be able to drive home after work, haha. yesterday was a good day- (150), but i needed it to work my evening shift and it was the first of the month. (anyone in pharmacy or health care knows the horrors associated with the first of the month. it is legendary.) today is not so good. i am having a bumpy ride for sure( you could ask my husband, but he is outside working on the yard, he told me that he has LOTS of things to do out there today. ) here is the thing about being thyroid-less. if you have thyroid disease, but have your thyroid, the little guy may not be doing his job very well, but at least he is pumping out a little thyroid hormone.this makes a change in dose, while not so pleasant for sure, a little bit easier to handle. if your thyroid has up and left you, you depend 100% on your thyroid dose to keep your body up and running.

the reason that this bob seger song  came to mind when i was thinking about this blog, is that no matter how badly thyroid patients feel, we all have to hit the road, get back on stage, and do the best that we can. i suppose that anyone dealing with chronic health issues has to be able to do this,too. one way to cope is to have a special activity- physical activity is best for me. i am still going to physical therapy in hopes of getting back to zumba class. my knee is still not 100%, but i am getting there slowly. monday when i was at physical therapy, i really got a work out. i actually worked up a sweat, and my muscles- especially my thighs( we did "zumba lunges" as my therapist called them. she knows how to motivate me) were sore yesterday and today. it was a good feeling to have sore muscles again! sounds weird, i know, but i have missed that. i know i am sooooooo out of shape that it will take a while for me to get back to where i was before my knee injury. i am hoping , just like i did when i went to my first live zumba class, that when i do go back to class, they will not need to call 911. the physical therapist told me that  when i go back to class, to only do 50%, not give it my all. now, that is something  i am NOT  sure that i can do. i might not have been the best dancer in the class, but, by golly, i danced with gusto and gave it everything that i had.

well, i have to get motivated, somehow, and get my errands and chores done today. tomorrow is a "150" because it is the third of the month ( also legendary) and i am off the rest of the week. i have another physical therapy session on friday, so i guess i  will do some more zumba lunges along with my regular exercises. it is also an "assessment day". she will determine from my progress,or lack of, how much longer i need physical therapy and when i can go back to zumba class. i hope i can go back soon- before the silver coins on my belly scarves tarnish . also, i am afraid that my husband might be making cartoon character topiaries   out of our shrubbery. that would take some time..... just saying.

" well, i'm a runnin' down the road, try'n to loosen my load-..... Don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy. lighten up while you still can, don't even try to understand, just find a place to make your stand, and take it easy. We may lose and we may win, though we may never be here again.... to take it easy." Take it easy, by the Eagles.

i think that the relationship between you and your doctor, in this case, endocrinologist, is like a good marriage. there must be compromise. i told you all last time, that my doctor decreased my levoxyl dose, from 150mcg down to 137mcg. i had a very hard time with that reduction! i worked two evenings last week, and by the second evening i knew that i was in trouble. i could not focus very well, mentally as well as focusing  my eyes. i actually had blurred vision.  this happened about 7:30pm. when i work the evening shift, i work from 12 to 9pm. so i had an hour and a half to try to keep things together, and a 30 minute drive home after that. i knew that something had to give!

i called my endo the next day, and left a message with her nurse. i did not hear anything until the next day. i had asked that if my dose could not be increased back up to the 150mcg every day, could i at least take the 150mcg two days a week? i guess she took a day to think about things. i could not blame her for that. the next day the nurse called me back and said that yes, i could take the 150mcg two days a week. YIPEE!! i chose mondays and fridays for two reasons. one being that it sort of breaks up the week as evenly as possible, and reason two being that mondays and fridays are our busiest days at work. i have to be able to focus at my job!

it is a little early to tell, but i think that maybe this will work out for me. i took my "first" 150mcg dose of levoxyl this past friday, and although i have had bronchitis for the past few days, i felt that i had more energy and i did not feel as "fuzzy". fuzzy is o.k. if you are a stuffed animal, but not if you are a person and are trying to do a job where you could actually make a mistake that, well, might hurt someone. it is so hard for anyone else to understand, a normal person, you know a person that has not lost their "butterfly", what a thyroid patient goes through. just a small change in your thyroid dosage and here we go again. all aboard the thyroid-less roller coaster ride. it really feels like i am on a roller coaster- i get waves of energy, then fatigue, then maybe a little energy before the long fatigue stretch. the problem is, i am not at an amusement park, the ride never ends, and somehow it keeps changing along the way. hair loss, no hair loss, concentration problems, etc. people who do not have a thyroid problem think that we all  just  take a tablet and everything is just fine. no problems, right? although i have empathy for those patients dealing with a heart condition, or diabetes, or high blood pressure, i will admit that i do not fully understand what they are going through. this helps me keep things in perspective when someone says something stupid to me. you know, like " you do not really need your thyroid, do you?". or, the worst one, the one that made steam come out both of my ears was from a physician. she told a patient that she should take this particular medication. the patient was hesitant, because she had read the side effects and one of them happened to be thyroid cancer. she told her doctor that she was not going to take this medication because of that. her doctor said, i swear this is true and these are her exact words, "WHY NOT, IT'S ONLY THYROID CANCER?!" 


this made me even more thankful for my endo, and the fact that she was willing to compromise with me on my levoxyl dose. it seems like an endless battle, and endless thyroid-less roller coaster ride, for those of us who have to deal with thyroid/parathyroid issues. all i can tell you is to just keep trying to figure out what is best for you. i hope that you are able to talk to your doctor, and work out something that is agreeable to both of you. oh, and also take it easy.

"dream,dream,dream, dream,dream,dream...when i feel blue in the night, and i need you to hold me tight, ....dream,dream,dream...only trouble is, gee wiz, i 'm dreaming my life away. i need you so that i could die, i love you so, and that is why, whenever i want you, all i have to do is dream,dream,dream,etc.. " All i have to do is dream, by the everly brothers

when i got to work the other day, i found a brand new prescription waiting for me- a levoxyl one, for 13mcg less than i used to take! i was on the 150mcg strength, and my doctor had called in one for the 137mcg one. of course, and i am sure many, many of you out there can relate to this, i had just gotten a 90 day supply of the 150mcg filled a couple of weeks ago! more than that,though, i had not gotten anything in the mail, or a call from my doctors office. i called my doctors nurse immediately and left a message. i will give her this, she called me right back. she said that my T-4 was indeed high, and my doctor needed to reduce my dosage. it would have been nice to know before hand,though. while i will admit that it was not a complete surprise to me, i still would have welcomed the opportunity to talk to someone about it first.

now, you would not think that just a 13mcg reduction in my dose would do much, right? well, if i had any thyroid at all, maybe i would not notice it that much. i am so glad that i started it this weekend since i am off and can rest a bit . i am afraid that next week will be pretty tough,though. you see, all i want to do is sleep!! my heart has stopped doing the mambo, not that i noticed it much, or really worried about it, but i guess that is a plus.my blood pressure is still a little high, so i will have to wait a bit to see how that ends up.

before my surgery, i used to take a small dose of cytomel( T-3) once daily. it was sort of like a cup of strong coffee in the afternoon. since my T-3 level this time  was about mid-range, i am going to contact my doctor tomorrow and ask her if i can get back on this. it was 5mcg once daily, if anyone wants to know. some doctors are hesitant to use this drug  for some reason. i think that some doctors are perhaps not familiar with the drug, maybe afraid of possible side effects, or whatever. since my doctor has prescribed this for me before, i am hopeful that she will do so again. otherwise, i may be dreaming at work( not good- not good at all!)

as far as my other lab values went, my glucose was good( 90- but i was not fasting)- i worry about this  since i love sweets! also, diabetes is another autoimmune disease that seems to like to hang out with hypothyroid patients. my sodium was a bit high( who knows?) but my calcium was low. my doctor wants to keep this just a little low so that my two remaining parathyroids will be stimulated to work harder. to review a bit, your parathyroids control blood calcium. a "normal" person has four parathyroid glands , but you can live with just one little guy( would not want to be in his shoes,though.). everyone knows that calcium is important for our bones,so i will not go into that. what i would like to mention are symptoms of low calcium: mild tingling in the hands, fingers and around the mouth to more severe symptoms like severe muscle cramps or even worse, seizures. so, you see i ( and those other patients who are missing part of their parathyroids) walk a fine line: you need to have a high enough calcium level so that you do not have hypoparathyroidism ( makes hypothyroidism look like a walk in the park), but not too much calcium that, for one thing, your parathyroids get lazy and think about moving to Paraguay.

to make things even more challenging , i have just discovered that i have lactose intolerance, so i have been trying to eliminate dairy products- at least during the week. i will need to supplement now with some calcium. remember that this interacts with your thyroid hormone, which should be taken first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, anyway. your calcium tablets and thyroid medication should be at least four hours apart so that the calcium will not inhibit your body's absorption of your thyroid hormone.  i have decided to pack some calcium tablets  along in my lunch box. i have chosen calcium citrate as my calcium of choice. it is absorbed very well and can be taken with or without food. it is also a  little easier on your digestive system. you also need vitamin d for good calcium absorption,too. i take prescription vitamin d, and have for some time. i think that there is some correlation between hypothyroid disease and low vitamin d levels. this has not been proven, to my knowledge, i just have seen way too many hypothyroid patients, especially those with cancer, who also have low vitamin d levels. vitamin d boosts our body's immunity, for one thing. i encourage thyroid patients to ask their doctors to test their vitamin d levels when they are getting other blood work done.

this blog has probably put some of you to sleep! i hope that i have not been too technical about lab values,etc. i just want to put useful information out there that might be helpful to others who are dealing with the same challenges that i am. please ask questions if you want, and if i do not know the answer, i will look it up or recommend some good reference books. that is, if i have not fallen  asleep myself!

"......we had time against us and miles between us.... I'll be waiting for you..i put my hands up, i'll do everything different, i'll be better to you. " i'll be waiting, by adele

i STILL have not gotten my lab results back yet! this is just so frustrating. i wonder if the doctors/nurses,etc, have any idea how anxious this makes us feel? i suppose that i will have to call them tomorrow and try to find out something. they were supposed to send me a copy of my results( i like to keep them for my records). a call would have been nice,too of course. anyway, no news on that front as yet. i do not expect a problem, but my endo may have to reduce my levoxyl dose if my T-4 level is too high. she wants to keep my TSH level at near zero for now. that is because she does not want any thyroid cancer cells that might be hanging out somewhere else in my body- chilling out, you know, waiting for a chance to cause more mayhem, to be stimulated. she also told me that she never wants my TSH level to get above 0.4 or so. ( for the same reason). i will admit that i am having a few hyperthyroid effects lately. i have never had those before! the good part is that i have a little more energy, less trouble losing weight, and i feel like dancing a lot( i would ,to ,if it were not for my bum knee). the down side to this is that  my heart is skipping a few beats- but it always manages to get back in time with the music. i would not have known this, but my endo  heard it last time when she was listening to my heart. my blood pressure is also up a bit- could also be from a too high T-4 level, or not. heck, it could be from work ( always a likely candidate) or the fact that both of my parents had hypertension. i do not want any other health issues, so i am checking my blood pressure occasionally with a self inflating cuff that i bought,  and hoping for the best.

another stressful, but exciting, event that is probably making my blood pressure go up is the re-modeling project that my husband and i are doing on an upstairs room and part of our kitchen. some of my friends have asked me why in the world would i do this again? last year my husband and i did a big re-model and we managed to stay married, so why tempt fate? well, we live in a 100 year old house and this room was the last room to get some attention. no insulation, except the horrible blown in kind- the kind that all sinks to the bottom of the walls and is the devil to clean up. the wiring needed to be replaced as well. we have carpenters and a contractor doing the work, so i can not complain there, oh, but the dust! and for some reason, the last guy out does not always shut the door. last time i had a very large bat flying around the house, and this time one of our dogs came inside and was sitting on our couch waiting for me. it would have not been so bad had she been a yorkie or a small dog, but she is a 70 pound old english sheepdog. it could have been worse, i guess. i have a 120 pound german shepherd, and if he was in on it, he had the smarts to clear out before i got out of the car. i was expecting my children for the weekend, and my daughter said, " you know, mom, it smells like dog in here!". a can of febreze later, it was o.k. though.

i hope that everyone had a great holiday and enjoyed some time off with family and friends. i will certainly write a post when i do, if i do, get my lab results back. just one note, if you post a comment on a really early blog entry of mine, i may not get it. i am not alerted by my computer when i get comments, and i do not go very far back to check. my son-in-law( the computer whiz)  may be able to help me with this, but bottom line, if you have a question for me, please post it on a current entry. or please feel free to email me at my personal email address: dreamfields4ever@aol.com with any questions. i will help any way that i can!