"..this is how i roll, animal print pants out of control....look at that body, look at that body, look at that body, I WORK OUT!! . ... I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!....when i walk in the spot, yeah, this is what i see, everybody stops and they staring at me.... i ain't afraid to show it, I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT!". "sexy and i know it" by LMFAO

i had a wonderful visit with my grandson, gabriel. and my son, daughter-in-law, daughter and son-in-law, but by golly when gabriel left today, i took off my grandma jeans and put on my fitness pants! they fit me like a glove- black and so comfortable. i got them from LL bean if anyone is interested. i am proud to say that when i started working out, i had to get a size  large. now i am in a medium!! yeah. this is a milestone for me. i think that  i will probably stay in a medium( which is o.k. with me) , but you never know, i could manage to get down to a small at some point, in a galaxy far,far away.

so, my daughter and son-in-law got to stay an extra day with us. naturally shelley and i headed up to my zumba class. the absolute best zumba classes that i have ever taken  are the ones that  i get to go to with my daughter. i have been to about 4 classes near where she lives, and she has been to about the same amount of  my classes. we laugh and cut up a lot, i can tell you that. my instructor says she likes to see my daughter come because she has so much energy. she energizes our class, you might say. i am amazed at how well my daughter can do the routines. it will be a new dance to her, and somehow she ends up doing it better than me( and i will have done it several times before). it really does not bother me,though. this grandma can shake the coins on her belly scarf pretty darn good!

my husband has said many times  that me getting sick was good for both of us, in some ways. our nutrition improved, and we started getting regular exercise. we both have lost weight, which is good. of course, we have to hit the advil bottle after we get back home from the wellness center. and we always  drink plenty of orange juice to prevent night time leg cramps. but all and all it has been great. why did we not do this before? hopefully, we can benefit from the changes we have made. at any rate, it is fun and that is the whole secret. if zumba was not fun, i could not make myself go every week. besides, where else can a 50 something grandma dance around to " I'm sexy and i know it" with a (sort of) straight face?

seasons greetings!

i would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happy Kwanza,  and so forth. during this busy time of the year, i know that  it is hard to make time to stop and be thankful for your friends and family. but that is what i am doing this year. losing my dad this year was so hard, and memories of past Christmases keep surfacing at the strangest times. sometimes i laugh, sometimes i cry, but i am thankful to have had my parents for as long as i did. while  i wish that i could have had them longer, i am lucky to have had a wonderful relationship with both of them. we were always together at holidays, and i talked to them almost every day, and towards the end, i saw them several times a week.

last week, i had another squamous cell carcinoma removed from my other leg. that makes three so far. now this is nothing as serious as  melanoma, and i do not have to do anything further as far as treatment goes. this one was about half the size of the other two. my dermatologist said, " good eye, bea, you are getting good at this!". well, i really do not want to get good at finding skin cancers on my body, but i am trying to be proactive and take care of myself. this is just another reminder, as if i needed one, to try to enjoy life, appreciate my family and friends, and try to take care of myself. i do not want to put my family through the pain of losing a parent/spouse.

i hope that everyone out there is taking the time to get some rest ( we cancer survivors need that at all times of the year, but especially now). enjoy the little things- watch holiday movies, pop popcorn, play a board game with your family. probably there is a whole generation out there who has no idea what board games are. imagine, no batteries or game system required! last year for Thanksgiving, our power went out for several hours. my grown children were all visiting, and they were scattered all through the house. my son was playing video games, my daughter was watching TV, etc. when the lights went out, everyone gathered in our kitchen. we had found an oil lamp, and my husband made a fire in the fireplace. pretty soon, my son was entertaining everyone with a funny story. we laughed and laughed that evening. it was one of the best Thanksgivings that i have ever had. ( i will have to admit that we did get our dinner in before the power went off).

i hope that no one  loses their power over the holidays , but i do hope that you can find the time to be together as a family. appreciate this time and hold the memory in your heart forever. that is my Christmas wish for all of you!

All i want for Christmas is a nap!!

is everyone as exhausted as i am? this time of the year is so much fun- so exciting, so many things to do. but it is so hectic. along with work and our "regular chores" we have so many extra things to do. i love shopping( to a point, that is). i have to admit that LLbean ,amazon.com, and a couple of other places are some of my  best friends. just point and click! free shipping, no waiting in line at the mall and best of all, i can shop in my pajamas! i am finding out that the older i get, the more i shop on line. i am proud to say that i have never, ever been shopping on black friday( too scary for me). frankly, i have never seen anyone offer savings that are  worth risking life and limb.

as usual, i am behind in most things" Christmas". i have not sent out Christmas cards, or wrapped any gifts yet. my house is decorated though- inside and out. my husband wants to have an open house for our neighbors sometime next week. the thought really terrifies me! i have to decide soon,though, so i can send out invitations. it would be a casual drop-in kind of thing. of course, i would have to cook. i love to cook, but i am not sure that i could get everything ready in time. sometimes i really wish that i could borrow martha stewart for a day or two. but i get tired just watching her show sometimes. where does she get the energy to do all those crafts? and making your own chocolate chips for chocolate chip cookies? really?

 i will probably have my neighbors over.i have wonderful neighbors, and it is nice to get together during the holidays and chat a bit. so...... nobody will think that martha stewart catered my get together. and someone  just might spot a dust bunny somewhere in the house. hopefully, i will be able to remind myself that the fellowship is the important thing, and not homemade chocolate chips. and i have ten days...no, make it nine, to get all of my Christmas stuff done. i sincerely hope that all of you are enjoying the holidays, not overdoing things, and maybe, just maybe have time for a little nap.

Welcome to the world, Gabriel Robert!!

i have a brand new grandson- my first grandchild! he was born on saturday, december 3rd at 1:16pm. i was at work( of course) but the next day after work, i had the car all packed and my husband and i headed on down to the hospital. he lives about 4 hours from us. i wish that  it was  not so far, but i am not going to let that slow me down. i got to spend the night, and we got to see them( they checked out on monday) for most of the next day.

he is so beautiful! dark hair, and dark blue eyes. the pediatrician told my son  that gabriel's  eyes would probably stay dark blue( they are the same color that my husband and daughter have). he has my son's nose, and my dad's large hands and fingers. my dad had strong hands and it makes me happy that gabriel will,too.  my son and daughter-in-law used robert- after my dad- for his middle name. i think that is just so sweet. the only thing that he got from me, that i can tell so far anyway, is my unfortunate habit of hiccuping at the drop of a hat! wow, what a thing to pass on to a little one. evidently he hiccups non-stop, several times a day. i know babies do this, but my babies did not do it quite as much as little gabriel does. hopefully, in a little while, the hiccuping will abate a little. i thought about slipping him some cola syrup( works like a charm), but when i mentioned it my daughter-in-law looked a little horrified. i told them to check with the pediatrician, of course, since he is so little.

the first time that i held him was at the hospital. he was a little fussy by the time we got down there, so he cried. i was afraid that he would cry every time that i held him! what if he did  not like me or something? but the next day, i held him a lot and he did not mind it- in fact, now  i can get him to go to sleep pretty easily, unless he is hungry of course! he needs his mom for that( she is breast feeding). i am so proud of my son- i love to look at him looking at gabriel. and he jumped right in there and has changed as many ( or more) dirty diapers as my daughter-in-law. i can tell that he is going to be a wonderful, " hands on" daddy.

the Christmas season has been sad without my dad. and of course, i have wanted to call him with news of gabriel. there are just so many things that i would love to share with my dad. we talked every day, and of course, he always stayed with us during the holidays. but gabriel could not have come at a better time. that little seven pound bundle of joy has really lifted the spirits of everyone in our family.

Welcome back, it has been a long time.......

i have been grieving. try as i might, i could not force myself to write in my blog because writing this is a joyful experience for me. i have not been able to experience any joy, really, since my dad got sick- on august 14th, and try as i and all his doctors might, passed away on october 10th.

my dad was a wonderful person, to me and many others. he was in excellent health, and drove where he wanted to go- mostly, and lived his life as he chose to- visiting his friends, attending his church, visiting my sister and me, and of course talking to and visiting his beloved grandchildren.

he was never worried about himself. after mom passed away a couple of years ago, he told us that he just wanted to spend whatever time he had left with his family. before he passed away, i was able to tell him that my full body scan, ultrasound and blood work all were negative. he told me that the news i am cancer-free really "eased his mind".  i did not tell him that i have to go back for ultrasounds and blood work every six months, since my cancer had spread a bit. i did not want to worry him. speaking of worry, i asked my endocrinologist if i am cancer free in five years am i "home free"?  she said not necessarily- she had a patient just last week, who after SEVEN  years had a recurrence of her cancer. oh, well, you know what? i am not going to worry about that. i will get my tests done, but i have a stronger sense of what is important and the even more urgent  need to live my life to the fullest. my dad was 85, but did not look a day over 70. he walked a mile and a half every day, and was ( so we thought) in very good health.

the thanksgiving holiday was difficult. but i urge everyone who is dealing with the loss of a family member to consider spending the holidays in a different way. in the past, i always cooked dinner, and my parents, and later just my dad, along with my children and their spouses, came to my house. my dad would spend  a few days with us. this year, our family had thanksgiving at my daughters house. we spent wednesday night with her and her husband. oh, and wednesday night- even though we probably should have been cooking- we went to zumba. it was the class she goes to at the honky tonk bar. i have to admit that i had fun. i really, really have missed zumba. i have just now gone back, as i am sure my dad would have wanted me to do. yes, it is exercise for sure, but i love it. it is so much fun.( i even purchased a belly scarf- red, of course, for the holidays)

my son and his wife are expecting my first grandchild in december . his name is gabriel robert. robert- after my dad. it was so sweet of my son and daughter-in-law to name him after my dad. my son and i both cried when he told me. i think this is the part of my blog where i should have elton john singing "the circle of life" or something like that. it really is true,though. i am still grieving, but slowly regaining my joy. gabriel will be a big part of that process. returning to my blog, and yes, zumba, will also help.

thanks to all of you out there who have had patience with me. those of you who have checked to see if i have written a new blog, who have not written me off ( no pun intended). i will try my best not to disappoint you. i hope that everyone had a great thanksgiving- spent in a joyful way, giving thanks for our families and friends. giving thanks,too, for our lives and what we make of them.

P-L-E-E-E-E-Z-E excuse my math!!

it seems to me that some people think that cancer has an awfully lot to do with math. i will give you some examples. for one thing, only 5% of all thyroid nodules are cancerous. if you, like me, are in that elite 5%, that percentage has a whole different meaning( or none at all, perhaps). trust me, when my doctor called to tell me that i had cancer, i was not thinking about the other 95% of the population. i guess that you could say that 95% is an A, and i had just flunked the biopsy exam.

another example is from the american cancer society. according to them, here are the 5 year survival rates for three types of thyroid cancer:

papillary, stage I: 100%. stage II: 100%, stage III : 93%

follicular: stage I: 100%, stage II: 100%, stage III: 71%

medullary: stage I: 100%; stage II: 98%, stage III: 81%

compare these to breast cancer survival rates: stage I: 96%, stage II: 84%, stage III: 52%

perhaps this is why thyroid cancer is known(among those who  do not have thyroid cancer) as the "good cancer". this is another one of my pet peeves. who can call any cancer "good" for heavens sake! since i was diagnosed with stage III papillary cancer, i am in the 93% group. to be honest, that makes me a little nervous. let's face it, it is barely an A! joking aside, i am thankful that i had papillary stage III  and not follicular or medullary. worse still, and i will not talk about this one, is anaplastic .but if you are curious, it only, (thankfully ) accounts for 1.6% of all thyroid cancers. it is a " get your affairs in order quickly"  cancer. by that i mean that less than 1% of people diagnosed with anaplastic thyroid cancer are alive after just two years. sure does not sound too good to me.

i know that these percentages come from years of study and research. i have seen some variation,though, depending on the source. does that make a difference to me? not really. i did not even want to know what stage cancer i had until i was nearing my treatment. how could it have helped me? i think that it would only have discouraged me. when i was ready to find out, i was prepared to "fight" and do whatever i could to get better. being tested for cancer, then finding out that you have cancer is tough. so is surgery, treatment, the  after effects from your surgery and treatment , emotional issues,etc. . i think that it is good to take one step at a time. do the best that  you can do at each level and maintain as positive an attitude as you possibly can. knowledge is power- read all that you can, from reliable sources. but never lose hope. we are not machines. math percentages do not define us. in my career as a health professional, i have seen some  stage I cancer patients die quickly, and some  stage IV patients live a good long life.

hope, faith, love, the will to live- these things  factor into those percentages. and i can say that i am 100% sure of that!!

" I was born, i was born to be with you, in this space and time. ...Only love, only love can leave such a mark. but only love can heal such a scar. Only love, only love can leave such a mark. but only love, only love unites our hearts. " Magnificent, by U2.

i was heading on down the blue ridge parkway this week to visit my dad. the scenery is just breathtaking. it never ceases to amaze me that i could live in such a beautiful place! first, there is julian price park and their fabulous lake. it just shimmers in the afternoon sun, and is surrounded by beautiful mountains. i usually  almost run off the road looking at the lake as i drive past. then, a little on further down the road, i get to drive across the linn cove viaduct. this was an engineering feat due to the fact that the person who owned grandfather mountain would not allow the state to build a road which would impact his mountain. therefore, the state built a road that literally swings out over the side! you just have to see it to believe it. there  you are, close to the summit of the mountain, and your car is on a road that is just hanging onto  the side of the mountain. on a clear day, i have heard it said that you can see as far away as charlotte,n.c. personally, i  have never seen that far, but the mountains do go on and on into the horizon. and talk about the sunsets- magnificent! i was actually listening( and croaking along to) that song as i was driving across the viaduct. so appropriate, i thought.

i am bringing my dad home from the hospital tomorrow. he has been there for a month, and while he has made progress, he still has a hard road ahead of him. he promised that he would try his best to get better and do the things like physical therapy, that he needs to do to improve. we are hoping that he will somehow get back to how he was before he got sick. but i guess that now he has a "new normal", too. the first week he was so critically ill, i just ran on adrenaline i think. but now, i get so exhausted after a day at the hospital, the four hour round trip commute, etc. lucky for me, my husband has been my best friend through all of this and has gone with me most times and done all of the driving. truthfully, i found it hard to focus at times. i am not sure how much of this is due to my thyroid-less condition, stress, or just the fact that i am getting older. i am not one to complain about that,though. i am so happy to have birthdays- it is the alternative that scares me.

i am glad that i have been able to appreciate the small pleasures life offers. i appreciate the fact  that i could enjoy the beautiful scenery on the blue ridge parkway( next trip i plan to take some pictures- maybe include them in the blog if i can figure out how to do it!).no matter how stressed or busy that we are, we need to make time for the things that make us happy. i am so hoping to get back to zumba on saturday! my sister has said that she will visit dad that day so that i can go. i really miss the dancing- it is so good for me and it  makes me happy. i even ordered a new belly scarf- red(!). i hardly ever wear red( clashes with my red hair), but sometimes i wear it to honor my mother. red was her all time favorite color. so.... if my red belly scarf comes, if we have a zumba class this saturday , if my sister can visit my dad that day, i will get to spend an hour doing something that i love and that is good for me. if none of that happens, then i think that i will go for another drive on the parkway. and take pictures.

" and they knew all the places i needed to go, all of the people i needed to know. they knew who i needed, and who needed me. and who would come help me, and who would just let me be. i was in the hands of angels until this very day. inside the hands of angels, what more can i say?" In the Hands of Angels, by Leon Russell

this is a beautiful new song by leon russell and elton john. they did a collaboration cd recently, and a tour together( i unfortunately missed this). the cd is very good, i think. this song is especially meaningful to me lately. the decisions that i have had to make concerning my dad's care have been so hard. but sometimes, when i would listen carefully, the answer was right in front of me.

the world is constantly blasting information at us all. i try not to watch the news at night- it is depressing and it causes me not to sleep very well. when my dad was first in the hospital, i tried to read a book when he was napping. sometimes,though, i could not concentrate very well on my book and i would get out my smart phone and look at facebook or surf the web.  now, i like facebook, don't get me wrong. i have been able to reconnect with a couple of friends from elementary and high school that i was afraid i would never see again. it has been really nice to chat with them and catch up with what they have been doing. i can see how people, especially young people, get " addicted" to being in touch all of the time. that is a whole blog or two by itself,though.

i wish that i had the patience to meditate. i have tried, several times, maybe not hard enough. but to sit still and clear your mind- without making plans for the next few days,hours,minutes even, is difficult for me.i seem to do better with a plan and a schedule of events. another "good" thing cancer has done for me is to chip away at the feeling  that i have to be in control of everything. i mean, you have to be in charge of a lot of things- especially if you are a mom!- but some things you just have no control over. you have to learn how to just let go and let things happen sometimes. i am constantly having to remind myself to enjoy the small moments of my life. take a deep breath, and relax a little. who cares if the house is messy or you are behind in the laundry? well, o.k. i moan and groan a little about it, but i know that it will still be there tomorrow. that is what my mom always told me. " don't worry about the housework, honey, it will still be there tomorrow." boy, was she ever right about that one.

instead of the "new normal" i have a new,new normal now. i have to somehow find a way to go to work( that one is easy, i guess, i have bills to pay), visit my dad in the hospital,pay his bills, line up health care for him,see my family, oh, and i have sooooooooooooooo missed zumba! i have not been able to go back since my birthday, when i went with my daughter. i keep telling myself that i need to go for my good health, and if i am sick, who will take care of dad? i will make it back soon; next week, hopefully. i did order a new belly scarf last week- lime green- so i hope to have a chance to wear it soon.

i got a call from my doctors office today. my blood work was o.k. i am not sure of the numbers, but i will either get a copy in the mail, or i will request one when i go back for my ultrasound in a couple of weeks. i will admit that this has been the least of my worries,though. oh,jeez, that is another one of my problems. i am a worrier. i am worried about being a worrier- figures. guess i will have to work on that one,too. maybe some meditation will help.....

it has been a long time.....

first, an apology to my readers. i have had a medical emergency in my family, and i have not been able to blog for some time( or do much of anything else, to be honest). my dad almost died- he is 85 years old, my only remaining parent( my mom died a little over two years ago due to complications from  a stroke and multiple myeloma ) . i have decided to blog about the importance of having  a medical advocate, friend, loved one,etc. if you are involved in any medical situation. especially if you are in the hospital for surgery, or other treatment that renders you helpless. at the very least it helps to have two sets of ears to try to remember everything  that the doctors and other health professionals are saying. i try to go to my appointments  by myself, but if it is something really important, i bring my husband along to listen and take note of what is being said.

in one of my earlier blogs i said that the day i "got the news" i was at work. it really reminded me of the gary larson cartoon, where the man is talking to his dog and telling her " bad dog, ginger, you got into the trash again, etc, ".  that is what the guy is saying. what ginger actually hears is " blah blah, ginger, blah, blah, ginger". so my doctor was telling me about my papillary cell thyroid cancer, and all that i heard was" bea... cancer,  bea..... cancer". too bad no one was listening with me then.  when i saw the radiologist before my treatment with the radioactive I-131 ( after my surgery) i had my husband with me. good thing, because it was then that i found out that my cancer had spread into my lymphatic system, and two of my parathyroids, and in total i had lost eleven lymph nodes. the surgeon did not tell me this. my endocrinologist did not have the report when i went back for a follow up visit before my treatment . so that left this poor guy, who probably thought that  i already knew those  things, to have to be the one to tell me. i actually looked behind me when he was talking. i thought that perhaps he was addressing someone else in the room.

health care is an inexact science. mistakes are made, situations are mishandled. but it helps to have someone to listen for you when you can not. to make sure everything that can possibly be done to help you is being done, and in a timely manner. be pushy! get second opinions if you have a feeling " in your gut" that things are not right. act on those  feelings because you may only get one chance to do something that could ultimately affect every one's future.

i moved my dad from the smaller hospital, AGAINST  the recommendation of his physician. it was a hard decision for me, but i knew that my dad needed serious help and that he was not getting it at this particular hospital. what they diagnosed as a stomach virus turned out to be a blood clot which was obstructing the major artery into his small and large intestines. the larger hospital diagnosed him( with the same test that the smaller hospital had done) in about an hour. they had him in emergency surgery for over 4 hours. three surgeons worked on him, and his odds for making it through the surgery were not good. but my dad is tough and he is a fighter. several people told me, including the surgeons, that had i not moved him, he would only have lived for a couple of days.

he is on a rehabilitation floor of the hospital now. his recovery has been amazing, but at 85 years old, it is a bit slower than either dad or i would like for it to be. i try to remind us both to be patient. just as soon as he can, i am moving him home with around the clock nursing until he can care for himself. i am not sure how everything is going to work out in the future, but i am glad that i was there for him when he really needed me.

oh, i have not had the time to track down my blood report. my scan was good, as i said, but i am not sure about my blood work. it seems that the report  did not make it to my endocrinologists office.  i called the hospital, where i had the test done, and they said that  i could come by in person and they would give me a copy of the report. the hospital is an hour away from my home, and in the opposite direction of the hospital where my dad is staying. i am not sure when i will get to do this. i have an ultrasound scheduled for September 27th, with my endocrinologist, so it may just have to wait until then. of course i will share those results when i get them. i am hopefully going to be blogging on  a more regular basis since my dad is mostly " out of the woods".

one down, one to go.....

my doctor's nurse called me today( of course i was at work) and told me the good news. MY SCAN WAS NEGATIVE!! she is sending me a copy of the report- for my records. i am not sure if it will contain any information that will be useful later on, but i am still  going to put it with my other test results. i am not sure if i will have to have another scan done in a year? or later? the nurse was not sure. but at the end of next month, i have to have an ultrasound of my neck. my doctor says that she likes ultrasounds of the neck and blood work( checking for thyroglobulin/thy ab ) because  the few cases that required additional treatment( at least in her practice) were diagnosed that way. i am going to ask her about scans when i see her in september.

the blood work will take a few more days to come back. i am so thankful that she called me with the scan results, instead of waiting on the blood work. i had  the same blood test done just a few weeks ago, so i am not expecting it to be very different. i should not have to go home from work when she calls me, in other words.

i can honestly say, that dealing with the anxiety of testing was the worst part of this process for me. being on the LID was actually good for me- i found out that i am lactose intolerant, and have changed my diet. my stomach is so happy with me now! my voice is a little bit better,too. perhaps the reaction to the lactose in my diet was causing a little reflux and affecting my voice? just a theory i have, but it is possible. with the exception of a little nausea after the tracer dose( again, not sure if it was the medicine or lack of food), and a few needles sticks( one not so good) here and there, the physical part of the scan was not too  bad.

someone asked me if i feel like i have a dark cloud hanging over my head. wow. i am not sure if i would ask a cancer patient that or not, but a good question i guess. actually, i do not- most of the time. i feel a little bit of a cloud when testing time comes around. mostly, i just try to get on with my "new normal" life and try to be happy. that is all any of us can do, really. i have tried to make this into a positive experience- by blogging, changing my lifestyle/diet and just enjoying all of the good things that come my way. it has been a little over a year since my surgery/chemo and i still feel that way. i think that this has changed me forever, and this  is not a bad thing.

so, one down and one to go. i think that i am going to be o.k. now. i will let everyone know when my blood work results come back. until then, you can find me in my zumba class.  you will recognize me because i will be the one wearing a pink belly scarf , dancing my heart out.

"the w-a-i-t-i-n-g is the hardest part" you said it, tom

 i think that i got through my scan week pretty well. i was busy- i had to be at the hospital almost every day that week. the only "mini-meltdown" that  i had that week was on a day that i had off. i am afraid that "the what ifs" caught up with me. my former doctor, from duke, said to prepare myself for another round of treatment. o.k. i went to personnel and picked up some leave of absence papers. but truthfully, i do not think that anyone can be fully prepared for another treatment. in a thyca newsletter, it states that "thyroid cancer can sometimes reappear decades after initial treatment." you can do two things after reading that statement. you can: 1) live your life fearfully, negatively, and make everyone who loves you miserable, or 2) live your life in the most positive manner that you can. enjoying life's little pleasures and letting as much joy into your life as possible.

call me Pollyanna, but i choose option number two. i intend to make the very best of things that i can, and hope for the best. really, if you think about it, having cancer can be a positive thing. it has caused  me to  make major  changes in my life- adding exercise, improving my diet, appreciating my family and friends more, strengthening my faith,  just  to name just a few.

waiting on test results is hard, believe me. but i am trying not to worry about things too much. i have no control over what is going on now in my body. i can put good food in, exercise, think good thoughts, but that is really all that i can do. whatever happens, i will just deal with it in the best manner that i can. in the meantime, i will continue to live my" new normal" life, and enjoy it.

a good friend of mine just returned to work yesterday after a serious bout with colon cancer. she also had to have her gall bladder removed due to damage from the chemotherapy.  i called her to wish her a good first day back at work. she said that she was glad to be back at work, and back to her normal life. i said, you mean your "new normal" life? she laughed and said, well, that is true. my new normal life.

in some ways, cancer patients are "lucky". we are given the opportunity to examine our lives and make positive changes. we can improve the quality of our lives- and this influences the quality of our families lives as well. am i glad that i had cancer? HECK NO!! but, i will use this challenge to evaluate my life and do everything in my power to make the best of this situation.

today is my day off. tonight i will go to my zumba class and i will  wear my pink belly scarf, even though i might be the only one wearing one, just because it makes me happy. for that hour and 20 minutes, i will definitely not be thinking about test results or "what ifs". i am taking things one day at a time, and hoping for the best.

zumba in a honkey tonk bar---- yeee haw!

i mentioned that my daughter took me to a zumba class friday night. she was familiar with the instructor, but had not been to this particular location before. we got ready to go, and my daughter loaded the address into her navigation system. i wish that i had had one of those when i was her age. i got lost a lot. never could read a map well, unfortunately. i have a nav system on my smart phone, which my husband begrudgingly  lets me use sometimes. we won't discuss that issue.

anyway, we drive toward raleigh, and before too long,  the neighborhood began  to look  rather" interesting" . i said, " sweetie, are you sure we are in the right place?" do not ever question a nav system. my daughter's system speaks with a British accent ( my daughters idea) and when the english lady says " recalculating", well it is never a good thing. we continue on our way, and let's just say that i was  glad that  our car doors were locked. i almost jumped out of my skin, when the prim and proper voice announced that we were at our destination. for whatever reason, this zumba instructor had booked a space in a huge country and western bar. we worked our way through the assembly of cowboys who seemed to be guarding the door( perhaps they were anxious about zumba ladies invading their territory?) i am not sure if it was our "deer in the headlights" look, or the fact that we had on dance shoes instead of cowboy boots, but we were quickly ushered down to a smaller- but still huge to me- bar below. there was a stage in front of the dance floor. at the back of the stage was like hundreds of bottles of every kind of liquor you could imagine. since our instructor was late, i said, well, if she does not come, we can all have a drink! the woman behind me thought i was serious because she said, " that might be a really good idea!"

actually, we had four "helper" instructors that took over for about the first 15 minutes or so. i wore my pink belly scarf( i was the only one wearing one). the woman behind me( my new best friend) said she loved it. one thing about having cancer, you tend to do the things you love and don't worry too much what other people think- as long as you are not hurting anyone, i say go for it! the main "helper instructor" was heavily into hip hop music. i bet those cowboys had  never heard that kind of music coming out of their bar before. and i know that EVERYONE heard our music. they had it cranked up so loud, i think i lost a little bit of my hearing in my left ear. the floor actually shook( even when we were not moving)

finally our "real" instructor arrived- in a knee brace. the other instructors helped her a bit, but she gave us a really good work out. i was not going to admit it, but when my daughter said that she was sore the next day, i fessed up,too. the thing about going to different classes is that each instructor has different moves- even to the same songs. so you end up using different muscles. i still prefer my regular instructor at our wellness center-sorry cowboys- but it was interesting to go to a different class.

since our instructor had arrived late, she went over her allotted  time. the bar  manager walked out on the stage and gave us all the "death stare", whispered( he could have been yelling- we could not hear him at any rate) something to our instructor and dosey doed off the stage. at this point, we did our cool down numbers and called it a night. i asked my daughter to please not come back to the bar alone- if she could take a friend, it would be best. i sure am glad we did not do the "save a horse" song.

as you may know, i got to get off of the LID diet this weekend. the final tally, was that i lost ten pounds! ( i told you guys chelsea clinton used this diet to get thin for her wedding). anyway, i found out for sure that i am lactose intolerant. i will have to go easy on the dairy- especially when i am working. maybe,too, by limiting dairy, i can keep some of the weight that i lost on the LID off.

i will not have any results for two weeks or so, as i mentioned in one of my earlier blogs. the minute i get the news, i will let everyone know. thanks again for your thoughts and prayers, and of course, for reading my blog.

my last day at the emerald city ( i sure hope, anyway)

got there bright and early this morning- i have not slept in one day this week! i buzzed on down to radiology and they started my scans. they are so nice and friendly there, and have made this whole experience very pleasant for me( well, expect for Conan, i guess) .

i am not sure what the machine is called- well, i do know the name on the side" DETECTOR ONE" ( do you think  that there is a detector two and three?) they gave me pillows for my head and under my knees( the scan takes about 45 minutes .) one of the technicians also got a warm blanket for me. i know it is hot outside, but hospitals are so cold! the blanket felt wonderful. i had prepared somewhat, and had worn a light sweater, but the blanket was heavenly. the "scanning part" of the machine was a box like contraption that was about 3 feet across,3 feet long, and about half that in width.it moved very, very slowly over every part of my body. the only part that was a little disconcerting, was when it was over my face. it has a black X on the center. i had a somewhat claustrophobic feeling then, so i just closed my eyes. when it got down to about my chin, i was o.k. it scanned my entire body, and then they scanned just my neck. i am sure hoping that this extra scanning is procedure, and not something that they saw on the scan!

next up was something new to me. they did not do this last year when i had my first whole body scan. i sat in a chair and they used this "telescope" looking machine pointed at my neck. they were measuring any radioactive iodide that might be present. they also measured my knee. weird, but they needed something to compare it to. this only took a couple of minutes. i then said my farewells, i have become friends with these guys, and left for the lab.

just so things would not be perfect, the lab did not have my blood work orders( i checked on monday- i saw with my own eyes that the hospital did  receive them from my doctor). they told me that i had to go back to admitting and get them. it seems( and believe me this was after a while) the person who registered me, had forgotten to put in the orders, so i had to be re-registered( hey, i got a new bracelet out of it). finally the lab got my orders. the med tech who drew my blood was so nice, but for whatever reason, i have the planet Saturn( i swear, i wish i could include a picture of my arm here) temporarily tattooed on me.i hate to say that i am used to getting blood drawn, but as fellow thyroid patients, you know what i mean. i just do not really like it when they leave bruises on my arm. it makes me a little self-conscious when i go out somewhere.

so, i will wait now. my doctor will be calling me in about two weeks, when she gets the scan information from the radiologist, and the blood work back from the lab. she will probably end up calling me at work- because that is usually where i am. as i said before, hopefully i will not have to make a trip home.

on a happy note, i am visiting with my daughter and son-in-law this weekend. tonight, my daughter and i went to a zumba class in Raleigh. i was not sure that i could do it- this week has been intense, and i have not felt like attending any of my zumba classes at home. but i did it! not only that, the instructor asked us if we were instructors,too! wow, my daughter has her zumba certification and has taught a few classes, but me?? really?? i know she was just being nice, but it made me happy. maybe it was the pink belly scarf  that i wore tonight.perhaps  all of those silver  coins blinded her or worked some kind of magic. whatever, i had a great time, and am looking forward to the rest of the weekend. and i had cheese and chocolate for lunch! it just does not get any  better than that.

do i look like i am glowing??

"the black dog barks at midnight", " when it rains, i prefer purple umbrellas", " the package has been delivered" in other words, i have swallowed the tracer capsule of the I-131. pardon my theatrics, but it just seems so surreal, like i am a character in a mystery/adventure novel or something.

so i got to the hospital early this morning. people who work there are getting to know me. i am making friends. anyway, i go straight to radiology, and wait a little while until they call me back. the radiology technician who has been working with me is very, very pregnant. i was really worried about her handing me the I-131 dose. i know it is a small dose, especially compared to the huge treatment dose that i received last year, but still. so she struggles in the door with "the dose" and a water bottle. i worriedly said, " uh, could i do that for you??" she said," oh, i am going to let you open the canister,etc. AFTER i leave the room." i was glad that  she had made that decision. i waited until she closed the door, then i picked up the canister. i am always amazed at how much it weighs! i mean, it is the size of a Campbell's tomato soup can, and it weighs about 5 pounds or more.the expressions : "lead foot" "get the lead out" take on all new meanings to me now.

so, i opened up the canister, and the walls were  solid except for a very small opening in the center. in the center, there was  a small glass vial. see why i am thinking" mission impossible" or something? i read the label( i can not help it- it is the pharmacist in me) to be sure that  i was  getting the correct drug/dose. sure enough, my name was  on the vial, with the dose of 3 milicuries- plus or minus 10 per cent. to compare, my treatment dose was 156 milicuries. yes, i know that this is a very small dose, and i am pretty sure i am not glowing, but i still am going to take some minor precautions. i realize that i am just " background radiation" at that dose, but i do not want to take any chances. i know that i am just being overly cautious,but no harm in that i think.

i drove straight home, and decided to take a nap. i had to have an empty stomach to take the dose, and was told not to have anything for an hour after my dose. i thought that i would just sleep a little to pass the time. i had the oddest dream,though. i dreamt that i was at a vending machine that contained shrink wrapped  packages of cheese-all kinds, and that i chose three packs( i am sure that mozzarella was one of them). beside the vending machine was a parking meter. a policeman told me that i needed to insert money into the parking meter and wait. i asked him if he was the cheese police, and he said of course. i guess everyone can figure that dream out.

i was talking to my daughter last night, and she did the sweetest thing. i told her that friday, after my scan and on the way down to her house, i was going to stop by whole foods and get some chocolate! she told me to go upstairs in my little office, and look behind the papers on my desk-the ones  near my bills. she knew i would not look there. what i found, was  two ( organic of course) " Justin's dark chocolate peanut butter cups"! my favorite. she had hidden them several weeks ago, when she was visiting. i am going to stash them in my pocketbook for friday. right now, i have them "hidden" in my top drawer. yes, i can wait until it is time to enjoy them. right now, i feel like  i am the queen of deferred gratification.

i will try to blog on friday about my scan, blood work, etc. but it might be later on in the weekend. thanks to all who have read this, especially those who  have made comments. i really appreciate your support!

day two in emerald city

i was so afraid that the nurse i had yesterday would somehow be there today. maybe someone called in sick? lucky for me, he was having a good day off, and so was i. the nurse i had today, said," oh, you had ( i will not use his real name here, i will make up one) conan the barbarian yesterday? what hip did he use- oh, i see what side he used. i will give you your other thyrogen injection in the other side. " what a difference!! it was night and day. i could actually walk out the door after the nurse gave me the injection. i had my ice pack in the car. i used it, because my hip is a little sore, but to be honest it does not hurt as much as the other side. the medicine does sting a bit, and you can feel it going in and cursing through your muscle, but that is not any one's fault. the way the nurse chooses to give you the injection,however, does make a difference.lets just say i got lucky and got Glynda today.

tomorrow, i have to be there at 8am again for my tracer dose of the I-131. i am to  take the medicine and leave for home. i am planning on laying low tomorrow, and hoping that the medicine does not make me sick. i was really sick last year after the treatment dose of the I-131. i know that  the tracer dose is a lot smaller, but it brings back memories, i'll just say. i have to take it on an empty stomach, and can not have anything to eat for an hour after the dose. ( they want to make sure the I-131 guys get a head start. ready or not thyroid cancer cells, here we come!). actually, i hope the scouts do not find any. if they do, then they will have to call in the Calvary. my doctor says to "prepare myself" to have another treatment dose of the I-131. now how do you do that? i talked with personnel at work, and got a copy of some leave of absence papers, just in case i have to have another treatment dose. that is about as far as i have gone in preparing myself. if i have to, of course i will take another dose, but my body is telling me no,thanks, we had rather you go to the beach! talk about preparing yourself.

i feel fortunate to have been able to schedule this" scan week", for a week that i can have off. it is my short week, and i only had to have two days covered at work. ( i worked six out of seven days last week). anyway, besides a sore, well you know, i have been more emotionally drained than physically sick. i have slept a lot- when i got home both days, i passed out for over a two hour nap. i am coping the best that i can. this testing is sort of high anxiety for anyone dealing with cancer. my dad calls me a trooper. i am not sure that i am, but i am doing my best.

friday morning at 8am the scan begins. then after that, "important blood work". after i finish at the emerald city, i am headed for raleigh, and a special visit with my daughter and son-in-law. and i also have a date with some mozzarella and definitely a little  chocolate. it will be the week-end, so i will allow myself to have some dairy.my stomach will just have to deal with it.