zumba in a honkey tonk bar---- yeee haw!

i mentioned that my daughter took me to a zumba class friday night. she was familiar with the instructor, but had not been to this particular location before. we got ready to go, and my daughter loaded the address into her navigation system. i wish that i had had one of those when i was her age. i got lost a lot. never could read a map well, unfortunately. i have a nav system on my smart phone, which my husband begrudgingly  lets me use sometimes. we won't discuss that issue.

anyway, we drive toward raleigh, and before too long,  the neighborhood began  to look  rather" interesting" . i said, " sweetie, are you sure we are in the right place?" do not ever question a nav system. my daughter's system speaks with a British accent ( my daughters idea) and when the english lady says " recalculating", well it is never a good thing. we continue on our way, and let's just say that i was  glad that  our car doors were locked. i almost jumped out of my skin, when the prim and proper voice announced that we were at our destination. for whatever reason, this zumba instructor had booked a space in a huge country and western bar. we worked our way through the assembly of cowboys who seemed to be guarding the door( perhaps they were anxious about zumba ladies invading their territory?) i am not sure if it was our "deer in the headlights" look, or the fact that we had on dance shoes instead of cowboy boots, but we were quickly ushered down to a smaller- but still huge to me- bar below. there was a stage in front of the dance floor. at the back of the stage was like hundreds of bottles of every kind of liquor you could imagine. since our instructor was late, i said, well, if she does not come, we can all have a drink! the woman behind me thought i was serious because she said, " that might be a really good idea!"

actually, we had four "helper" instructors that took over for about the first 15 minutes or so. i wore my pink belly scarf( i was the only one wearing one). the woman behind me( my new best friend) said she loved it. one thing about having cancer, you tend to do the things you love and don't worry too much what other people think- as long as you are not hurting anyone, i say go for it! the main "helper instructor" was heavily into hip hop music. i bet those cowboys had  never heard that kind of music coming out of their bar before. and i know that EVERYONE heard our music. they had it cranked up so loud, i think i lost a little bit of my hearing in my left ear. the floor actually shook( even when we were not moving)

finally our "real" instructor arrived- in a knee brace. the other instructors helped her a bit, but she gave us a really good work out. i was not going to admit it, but when my daughter said that she was sore the next day, i fessed up,too. the thing about going to different classes is that each instructor has different moves- even to the same songs. so you end up using different muscles. i still prefer my regular instructor at our wellness center-sorry cowboys- but it was interesting to go to a different class.

since our instructor had arrived late, she went over her allotted  time. the bar  manager walked out on the stage and gave us all the "death stare", whispered( he could have been yelling- we could not hear him at any rate) something to our instructor and dosey doed off the stage. at this point, we did our cool down numbers and called it a night. i asked my daughter to please not come back to the bar alone- if she could take a friend, it would be best. i sure am glad we did not do the "save a horse" song.

as you may know, i got to get off of the LID diet this weekend. the final tally, was that i lost ten pounds! ( i told you guys chelsea clinton used this diet to get thin for her wedding). anyway, i found out for sure that i am lactose intolerant. i will have to go easy on the dairy- especially when i am working. maybe,too, by limiting dairy, i can keep some of the weight that i lost on the LID off.

i will not have any results for two weeks or so, as i mentioned in one of my earlier blogs. the minute i get the news, i will let everyone know. thanks again for your thoughts and prayers, and of course, for reading my blog.

my last day at the emerald city ( i sure hope, anyway)

got there bright and early this morning- i have not slept in one day this week! i buzzed on down to radiology and they started my scans. they are so nice and friendly there, and have made this whole experience very pleasant for me( well, expect for Conan, i guess) .

i am not sure what the machine is called- well, i do know the name on the side" DETECTOR ONE" ( do you think  that there is a detector two and three?) they gave me pillows for my head and under my knees( the scan takes about 45 minutes .) one of the technicians also got a warm blanket for me. i know it is hot outside, but hospitals are so cold! the blanket felt wonderful. i had prepared somewhat, and had worn a light sweater, but the blanket was heavenly. the "scanning part" of the machine was a box like contraption that was about 3 feet across,3 feet long, and about half that in width.it moved very, very slowly over every part of my body. the only part that was a little disconcerting, was when it was over my face. it has a black X on the center. i had a somewhat claustrophobic feeling then, so i just closed my eyes. when it got down to about my chin, i was o.k. it scanned my entire body, and then they scanned just my neck. i am sure hoping that this extra scanning is procedure, and not something that they saw on the scan!

next up was something new to me. they did not do this last year when i had my first whole body scan. i sat in a chair and they used this "telescope" looking machine pointed at my neck. they were measuring any radioactive iodide that might be present. they also measured my knee. weird, but they needed something to compare it to. this only took a couple of minutes. i then said my farewells, i have become friends with these guys, and left for the lab.

just so things would not be perfect, the lab did not have my blood work orders( i checked on monday- i saw with my own eyes that the hospital did  receive them from my doctor). they told me that i had to go back to admitting and get them. it seems( and believe me this was after a while) the person who registered me, had forgotten to put in the orders, so i had to be re-registered( hey, i got a new bracelet out of it). finally the lab got my orders. the med tech who drew my blood was so nice, but for whatever reason, i have the planet Saturn( i swear, i wish i could include a picture of my arm here) temporarily tattooed on me.i hate to say that i am used to getting blood drawn, but as fellow thyroid patients, you know what i mean. i just do not really like it when they leave bruises on my arm. it makes me a little self-conscious when i go out somewhere.

so, i will wait now. my doctor will be calling me in about two weeks, when she gets the scan information from the radiologist, and the blood work back from the lab. she will probably end up calling me at work- because that is usually where i am. as i said before, hopefully i will not have to make a trip home.

on a happy note, i am visiting with my daughter and son-in-law this weekend. tonight, my daughter and i went to a zumba class in Raleigh. i was not sure that i could do it- this week has been intense, and i have not felt like attending any of my zumba classes at home. but i did it! not only that, the instructor asked us if we were instructors,too! wow, my daughter has her zumba certification and has taught a few classes, but me?? really?? i know she was just being nice, but it made me happy. maybe it was the pink belly scarf  that i wore tonight.perhaps  all of those silver  coins blinded her or worked some kind of magic. whatever, i had a great time, and am looking forward to the rest of the weekend. and i had cheese and chocolate for lunch! it just does not get any  better than that.

do i look like i am glowing??

"the black dog barks at midnight", " when it rains, i prefer purple umbrellas", " the package has been delivered" in other words, i have swallowed the tracer capsule of the I-131. pardon my theatrics, but it just seems so surreal, like i am a character in a mystery/adventure novel or something.

so i got to the hospital early this morning. people who work there are getting to know me. i am making friends. anyway, i go straight to radiology, and wait a little while until they call me back. the radiology technician who has been working with me is very, very pregnant. i was really worried about her handing me the I-131 dose. i know it is a small dose, especially compared to the huge treatment dose that i received last year, but still. so she struggles in the door with "the dose" and a water bottle. i worriedly said, " uh, could i do that for you??" she said," oh, i am going to let you open the canister,etc. AFTER i leave the room." i was glad that  she had made that decision. i waited until she closed the door, then i picked up the canister. i am always amazed at how much it weighs! i mean, it is the size of a Campbell's tomato soup can, and it weighs about 5 pounds or more.the expressions : "lead foot" "get the lead out" take on all new meanings to me now.

so, i opened up the canister, and the walls were  solid except for a very small opening in the center. in the center, there was  a small glass vial. see why i am thinking" mission impossible" or something? i read the label( i can not help it- it is the pharmacist in me) to be sure that  i was  getting the correct drug/dose. sure enough, my name was  on the vial, with the dose of 3 milicuries- plus or minus 10 per cent. to compare, my treatment dose was 156 milicuries. yes, i know that this is a very small dose, and i am pretty sure i am not glowing, but i still am going to take some minor precautions. i realize that i am just " background radiation" at that dose, but i do not want to take any chances. i know that i am just being overly cautious,but no harm in that i think.

i drove straight home, and decided to take a nap. i had to have an empty stomach to take the dose, and was told not to have anything for an hour after my dose. i thought that i would just sleep a little to pass the time. i had the oddest dream,though. i dreamt that i was at a vending machine that contained shrink wrapped  packages of cheese-all kinds, and that i chose three packs( i am sure that mozzarella was one of them). beside the vending machine was a parking meter. a policeman told me that i needed to insert money into the parking meter and wait. i asked him if he was the cheese police, and he said of course. i guess everyone can figure that dream out.

i was talking to my daughter last night, and she did the sweetest thing. i told her that friday, after my scan and on the way down to her house, i was going to stop by whole foods and get some chocolate! she told me to go upstairs in my little office, and look behind the papers on my desk-the ones  near my bills. she knew i would not look there. what i found, was  two ( organic of course) " Justin's dark chocolate peanut butter cups"! my favorite. she had hidden them several weeks ago, when she was visiting. i am going to stash them in my pocketbook for friday. right now, i have them "hidden" in my top drawer. yes, i can wait until it is time to enjoy them. right now, i feel like  i am the queen of deferred gratification.

i will try to blog on friday about my scan, blood work, etc. but it might be later on in the weekend. thanks to all who have read this, especially those who  have made comments. i really appreciate your support!

day two in emerald city

i was so afraid that the nurse i had yesterday would somehow be there today. maybe someone called in sick? lucky for me, he was having a good day off, and so was i. the nurse i had today, said," oh, you had ( i will not use his real name here, i will make up one) conan the barbarian yesterday? what hip did he use- oh, i see what side he used. i will give you your other thyrogen injection in the other side. " what a difference!! it was night and day. i could actually walk out the door after the nurse gave me the injection. i had my ice pack in the car. i used it, because my hip is a little sore, but to be honest it does not hurt as much as the other side. the medicine does sting a bit, and you can feel it going in and cursing through your muscle, but that is not any one's fault. the way the nurse chooses to give you the injection,however, does make a difference.lets just say i got lucky and got Glynda today.

tomorrow, i have to be there at 8am again for my tracer dose of the I-131. i am to  take the medicine and leave for home. i am planning on laying low tomorrow, and hoping that the medicine does not make me sick. i was really sick last year after the treatment dose of the I-131. i know that  the tracer dose is a lot smaller, but it brings back memories, i'll just say. i have to take it on an empty stomach, and can not have anything to eat for an hour after the dose. ( they want to make sure the I-131 guys get a head start. ready or not thyroid cancer cells, here we come!). actually, i hope the scouts do not find any. if they do, then they will have to call in the Calvary. my doctor says to "prepare myself" to have another treatment dose of the I-131. now how do you do that? i talked with personnel at work, and got a copy of some leave of absence papers, just in case i have to have another treatment dose. that is about as far as i have gone in preparing myself. if i have to, of course i will take another dose, but my body is telling me no,thanks, we had rather you go to the beach! talk about preparing yourself.

i feel fortunate to have been able to schedule this" scan week", for a week that i can have off. it is my short week, and i only had to have two days covered at work. ( i worked six out of seven days last week). anyway, besides a sore, well you know, i have been more emotionally drained than physically sick. i have slept a lot- when i got home both days, i passed out for over a two hour nap. i am coping the best that i can. this testing is sort of high anxiety for anyone dealing with cancer. my dad calls me a trooper. i am not sure that i am, but i am doing my best.

friday morning at 8am the scan begins. then after that, "important blood work". after i finish at the emerald city, i am headed for raleigh, and a special visit with my daughter and son-in-law. and i also have a date with some mozzarella and definitely a little  chocolate. it will be the week-end, so i will allow myself to have some dairy.my stomach will just have to deal with it.

here i go again, back down the yellow brick road, AGAIN

this is day one of my trip down the yellow brick road. i am back at the same hospital where i received my treatment dose of I-131- my chemo, you could call it, as well as my whole body scan. not too much has changed from last year. i got checked in this morning at 7:30am. the hospital is an hour away from my house, so i had to get up at 5:30 and leave at 6:30 to make it. the rest of my appointments  begin at 8am, so i sure will not be sleeping in this week.

after i left admitting- i gave them a big chunk of my checkbook, and they gave me this neat plastic bracelet with my name on it, i went to the radiology waiting room. i knew that i would not be seeing the wizard, but i saw his two very nice assistants from last year. they went over a few things with me, about what would be happening when. i thought that i would be getting my scan done on wednesday,but that is not the case. actually, the tracer dose of I-131 is given to me on wednesday, and my scan is on friday, as is my blood work. the schedule, along with a few other details, were discussed, and the wizard's assistant told me that a nurse would be coming in to give me my first dose of thyrogen. the assistant laid out the thyrogen, as well as a pretty large syringe/needle that i was trying my best not to look at.

after a few minutes, the door opens and in comes a six foot three, burly male nurse! now, i know it should not matter one bit, but i guess i thought that i would be seeing one of the female nurses from last year. i think that i am a master at masking my feelings- my family tells me otherwise, and it must be true. the guy says, " yes, i am the nurse." i guess my mouth fell open or something- i just have to stop doing that. the first thing i thought of then, was well, thank goodness i wore my good pink underwear!

this is good information here: wear a skirt with an elastic waistband. that way, you can slip it down a little ( as well as your underwear) and will not have to flash any innocent people unnecessarily. i came up with this idea myself and it works pretty well. so i was "in position" and waiting for my injection. i was trying to " relax"- if you do not tense up your muscles, it hurts less. before i could actually do that, the nurse gave me the injection. i think that perhaps this man plays darts a lot. what an arm he has. the medicine itself stings for about 30 minutes, but i was sore all the way home. i felt every pot hole in the road,too. tomorrow, i get a thyrogen injection in the other side. i plan to take an ice pack to sit on for the ride home. i should have thought of that today.

before the nurse left, i asked," so, will you be here tomorrow?" he said that he  has the day off. yippee!! he said that i would be seeing kathy or sue tomorrow. i am pretty sure they are female. he also said that some of his worst  patients are other health professionals. do you think he could have possibly been talking about me?

"that zumba makes me crazy, that zumba makes me crazy, that zumba makes me crazy,etc. " the that zumba makes me crazy song ? artist(s)t

we do a dance number to a song called, i will assume," that zumba makes me crazy". actually, that zumba keeps me from going crazy. if i had only known that  regular exercise, rather cardio-ish, could make me feel so good, i would have started this years ago. oh, i have always walked. there are lots of places to walk/hike around where i live. when my children were young, though, the walk went something like this: walk two feet, pick up a stick. walk two more feet, discard stick( or give it to mom) and pick up a precious rock. we made a turtle look speedy. and i have never been into " power walking". not that i am poking fun- whatever makes you happy exercise wise, is good.

love those endorphins, love those zumba belly scarves, the music, the dancing! who cares if the person right behind me is 25 years younger than me, wears a sports bra and pants that barely cover her, well, parts. as i have said before, enthusiasm goes a long way. besides, the woman in front of me has about 20 years on me and she can do a pretty good booty circle, by the way. whatever exercise that you choose, it can only help- especially those of us with thyroid disorders. it improves mood( my husband is cheering now) helps us with our weight issues( i won't go there) and for me, has helped me get my strength back. i mentioned this in one of my first blogs, but right after my surgery/I-131 i did not have enough strength to pick up my dogs water bowl! that was a turning point for me- hey, they were thirsty- and i decided that i needed to fix things. i have my daughter to thank for encouraging me to go to a live zumba class. the dvds are good at first- just so you do not look so much like a deer in the headlights at your first live class. but, really, being in a class with other people is so much more fun. even if we do occasionally do the texas two step, or whatever that was.

this is week two on my LID. i prepared better, food wise, this time. so, i have lost some weight, but not as much as i had imagined. o.k. hoped. i have lost about 5 pounds so far- not too bad. i have only been really, really hungry a couple of times. unsalted, brown rice cakes to the rescue- yeah. i have been sort of on a roller coaster, emotionally,though. i have been angry at times( when is the testing going to end?) and at times sad( what if something is wrong?) i try just to go on with my new normal life, but i can not help but be a little anxious about the test. my doctor said that she would wait until all the test results are back before she calls me with any results. the blood work takes the longest time to get back- about ten days or so. then she is supposed to call me. as you may know, she called me at work to tell me i had cancer. i had to go home of course.i am sure that i will be at work this time,too.hopefully, i will not have to go home this time.

just so you know, last week we had a substitute instructor  for our zumba class. my daughter and i did not get to save a horse, but maybe when she visits at the end of august, we can.

"and i saddled up my horse, and i ride into the city. i make a lot of noise,cause the girls they are so pretty. riding up and down broadway on my old stud leroy, and the girls say : save a horse, ride a cowboy. what? what? save a horse, ride a cowboy" Save a horse, ride a cowboy, by big and rich

it is DAY THREE  on my LID, and no, i have not lost my mind(yet). last year at this time, i was recovering from my treatment dose of the I-131. i was isolated in my house- pacing around upstairs like a tragic figure in some novel. anyway, i was not sure if i would have the energy, while i am on the LID, to go to zumba class. i decided to give it a try. i told my friend that if i passed out, she should  just kick me to the side and zumba on!

the class started out very well. we did my favorite warm up number, and then- SALSA!! yeah! i own that song. what i lack in skill, i make up for in enthusiasm. anyway, before too long, i thought that i heard a different kind of song coming from the instructors i-pod. oh,no, it was a country western song. my friend told me,"uh, bea, you might want to close your mouth now, i think i saw a fly in here."

our zumba area is right in the middle of a big room, with only a waist high glass block wall surrounding our area. outside of that is the track, as well as an area filled with treadmills, rowing machines, etc. a lot of people use the track as well as the exercise equipment. it was pretty busy tonight, but when we got to the chorus of that song,the rowing machines and treadmills stopped. the ( rather elderly) men walking around the track stopped,too. i think that the moves we did to the " save a horse, ride a cowboy" part of the song are illegal in a few states. we also, to make matters worse, sang those lyrics. rather loudly, i should say. i would also have to say that our zumba class has not caused such a stir since we did the whole "thriller" routine last october. our instructor sure keeps things interesting.

i was glad that i could do zumba, and so far, my normal activities while on  a pretty limited diet. i keep a pack of unsalted, brown rice cakes at work- just in case i get light headed or something. i sure do not have to worry about any of my coworkers eating them. in fact, one of the guys i work with snickers every time i crunch into one. he says, " oh, are those gooooooood??" haha. i asked him if he wanted any, but so far it is a no go.

i have also made a discovery- well i will know for sure by the end of the diet. i think that i may just be ( horror of horrors) lactose intolerant! my stomach has not hurt since i have eliminated dairy from my diet. oh, well, maybe after i get off this diet, i will save dairy for the week-ends i am off or something. i was hoping that it was another food- maybe wheat- that was bothering me, but it seems to be the dairy. just what i needed- more dietary restrictions.

in the mean time, i am planning to go back to zumba on saturday. my daughter will be  visiting, and we are going to the class together. i just can not wait to see the look on my daughters face if the instructor plays "save a horse, ride a cowboy." i am just not sure if the two of us can keep a straight face while doing the routine. we will be following the first and only rule of zumba though, and that is to have fun!

my first day on the LID.....

yesterday, i got out my trusty book, "the low iodine diet cookbook", by Norene Gilletz and decided to re-read it before i began the diet. i have mentioned the "why it is important" facts in some of my blogs, but i have not mentioned anything about the history of the diet. in the book, there is a forward by Dr. Kenneth Ain, who is director of the thyroid oncology program at the university of Kentucky. one chilling fact that i re-read in the book is that thyroid cancer can not currently be treated with traditional chemotherapy. so, i think patients should be diligent in understanding the importance of the LID, both in treatment with the I-131  and before full body scans.

for over 50 years doctors have been using radioactive iodine to treat thyroid cancer. while they recognized the importance of a low dietary iodine diet, there was much disagreement as to what a LID should be. so, in 1988, the NIH ( national institutes of health) located in bethesda, maryland, came up with a simple diet that was proven to be effective. dr. ain learned about this diet, and has made only a few changes in the past few years. the LID was unknown to most physicians,though, as late as the late 1990s. in 1997, dr. ain was invited to speak at a thyca conference, and since then, with thyca's help, the word has gotten out to doctors as well as thyroid cancer patients. ( footnote here: in case you are not aware, thyca is a website for thyroid cancer patients. they also have regional meetings, as well as sponsoring local thyca meetings which are organized by (usually) other thyroid cancer survivors.) if you have not checked out this website, please do. they offer wonderful information and support.

norene gilletz is a renowned cookbook author, and has used  the NIH guidelines in composing a cookbook that is informative, as well as indispensable. i personally could not be on the LID with any degree of confidence without this cookbook! whatever source you use,though, i would make sure that it follows the NIH guidelines. even a small mistake can wreck the diet.

so, yesterday, i spent a large part of my day cooking. i needed to be prepared for the next two weeks on the LID. i made coleslaw, blueberry muffins, baked chicken, and homemade bread. i have stocked up on fresh fruits and vegetables. i complain about this diet, but really, i think that it is probably what we should be following  all of the time. i really, really, miss chocolate and dairy! but i probably need to eat less of them- i know it would be healthier for me. one thing that i had to get,though, i am not so fond of. and that is unsalted( you can add your own non-iodized salt later, but no sea salt or iodized salt, of course) brown rice cakes. they are a snack for me- especially when i am at work and need a little energy to get through my shift. they have hardly any flavor, but are filling- the way styrofoam would be i think. anyway, they are a necessary evil for me, and one that i WILL NOT be going back to after the diet!

knowing a little bit about the diet- how it came about, why it is so important that we follow it just as closely as possible, helps a little i think. for anyone who will be on the LID now, or in the future, i recommend buying the cookbook. of course, you can go to the thyca website and see it there. but personally, i like to have a cookbook in hand. i enjoy cooking, and this makes it a little easier for me. i will let everyone know how i am doing, and good luck to those of you who may be on the LID with me.

T-minus nineteen days and counting!!

well it is done. i have cut my endo from duke loose, due the whole sulfite negotiation, or should i say non-negotiation, and my old endo faxed my orders for the thyrogen, scan, and blood work to the hospital near me. i am on the schedule for august 1st, just as i had hoped. i start on the dreaded LID on monday, july 18th. i am sort of dreading it, but hey, it could be worse. i could be going to the endo at duke who made you be on the diet for 4 weeks, not two. instead of the 20 pounds i had hoped  i would lose on the LID, perhaps i can lose ten. i would be soooooooooooo happy with that! i have managed to hold my weight steady since last year, but i really would like to lose about 20 pounds. i do not have to tell you guys how hard it is to lose weight without your  thyroid. who knew that the little guy could be such a tyrant? he calls the shots for your whole body it seems. even the best thyroid supplement is not quite the same as a well behaved thyroid gland. sometimes i still  miss mine. even though, as i said, before my surgery i had the worst case of thyroiditis that i have ever had! and  every time that i passed a mirror, i would look at my neck and say" wow, it does not look like there is  a monster in there, but there is!"

i need to get a new profile picture- one that shows off my neck. i wish that i had a before and after picture. i would have liked to post them, so that people would know that they are not going to look like the bride of frankenstein forever.  i wanted my husband to take a picture right after my surgery, but he did not want to. it is, of course, a world of difference. people tell me that if they did not know that i had surgery, they could not tell from looking at  my neck. the surgeon made the incision along the "natural crease of my neck" so it is pretty hard to tell. i, of course, see it plainly. especially if i am swallowing, or if turn my neck a certain way. i am not complaining,though! honestly, i was not worried about the scar. i do have a very public job, but i just wanted the cancer gone, and my husband did say " for better or worse " so there you go.

i guess it is natural, but i am a little worried about my upcoming scan. i have confidence in the hospital, that they will do a good job,but i am a little worried  about the "reveal" show scheduled for about 10 days or so from my test. my doctor has to wait for the blood test- which is done on friday of my testing- to get back before she will call me with all of the results. it  makes my palms sweat just thinking about it! i will probably be at work when she calls ( as i was last time, when she called to tell me i had cancer). lets hope this time the news will not make me have to go home.

as for this week, i am eating pretty much every thing that i want! i have made cupcakes, cookies, and a lemonade pie so far! don't worry, i am sharing this with my co-workers and family. i just need to tank up a bit before my LID! the no dairy products was the hardest part of the LID for me. as i said before, i probably eat too much dairy, if i miss it that much. yesterday i went grocery shopping and bought some more unsalted, brown rice cakes. styrofoam, anyone??? i am sure that they taste the same! one tip though: the brown rice ones taste a bit better than the white rice ones. normally i do not have such a sensitive palate, but trust me on this one!

"Well, i won't back down, no, i won't back down. You can stand me up at the gates of Hell, but i won't back down. No, i'll stand my ground, won't be pushed around. and i'll keep this world from dragging me down, gonna stand my ground, and i won't back down. well i know what's right, i got just one life. in a world that keeps on pushing me around, but i'll stand my ground. AND I WON'T BACK DOWN! " Won't back down, by Tom Petty

one thing i have learned from having cancer, is that you have to stand up for yourself. i just will not be forced to do something that i am not comfortable with, or do not feel good about. i have been going around and around with  my new( soon to be ex) doctor from duke concerning the tracer dose that i have to take before i have my full body scan. the doctor uses I-123 liquid, and not the traditional I-131 capsules. i have had the I-131 treatment dose, as well as a tracer dose in the past  and did fine with this. when she mentioned that i would be taking the liquid I-123 i did some research. i found out  that it contains sulfite preservatives. i have anaphylactic shock reactions to sulfite preservatives. so i asked her to please change to the I-123 or I-131 capsule instead. sounds simple, right? even though i explained to her that i have been dealing with this allergy for the past seven years, and offered to give her the name of my allergist if she needed further confirmation, she would not change the order!!

this would sort of be like if someone had a peanut allergy- and we all know how bad those are- and someone offered to give them " just a little bit of peanuts". no one knows at what percentage sulfites will cause someone who is sensitive to have a reaction. manufacturers are not required to list these preservatives( there are six chemical names) unless they exceed ten parts per million. concentrations of less than this have triggered reactions in sensitive people.

o.k., i guess i could just take my epinephrine injection and my atarax tablets with me and take the liquid I-123  anyway, but i am not. anaphylactic reactions are just horrible! and when you have one, you never know if it will be your last, if you know what i mean.

i have thought this over ( and over again) and have decided to go to the semi-local hospital for the scan. it is where i got my "chemo" treatment dose of the I-131 and my scan the first time. i like the radiologist( remember the wizard from one of my previous blogs? he caught the mistake in my I-131 dose. he is on my good guy list forever now). i also like the small nature of the hospital, and the fact that i can drive myself to and from  the several visits that i have to make for injections, tracer dose of the I-131 CAPSULE, scan, and blood work. it takes all week. my good old endo from raleigh has been kind enough to agree to fax in the orders to this hospital for me. i had not stopped seeing her, thank goodness, and have an ultrasound already scheduled for september.the only part that i regret really, is the accuracy of the blood work. duke sends theirs off to the mayo clinic, and the results are, as i found out, much more accurate. i guess i will just deal with this the best way that i can. there is also a little" hoping for the best"  in there, as well.

this has been a hard decision for me, really. but i know it is the best one. i was o.k. with the 4 weeks on the LID diet, although i am not sad that it will now just be two weeks. and FYI, Noreen Gilletz, author of the Low Iodine Diet cookbook, says that there is absolutely no reason to be on the diet for more than 2 weeks. i was willing to compromise on this point, but not on the sulfite issue. i am looking out for myself, and will not agree to do something that i know is going to harm me. as tom succinctly puts it, "well, i know what's right, i got just one life". please do not let anyone try to push you around on a health care issue! as with any good doctor patient relationship, there has to be some compromise and two way discussion. i want a confident doctor, of course, but not one who is unwilling to listen to my concerns and adjust their treatment.

i am waiting on conformation of the scan date. hopefully, it will begin on august 1st. this is a short work week for me, and would not involve as much coverage while i am off to see the wizard, yet again. i have been a little depressed about all of this lately, i will admit. i am feeling better now- now that i feel like i have some control over   what is going to happen to me. that and the fact that i wore my new pink belly scarf to zumba tonight- it matched my pink tee-shirt, and i tried my best to shake the coins off. amazing what a little salsa can do for your spirits!

the simple joy of going mossing

every since i was about 5 years old, i have loved collecting moss. ( i was a strange child, o.k.? ) my family and i lived in a small house near a creek bank and it was shady- a great place to find moss. i would collect pieces, and make a sort of doll house with them- using acorn caps as dishes, as well as pieces of mica, rocks, sticks or whatever else i could find. i had a real doll house inside to play with, but it never compared to the one that i made myself.

my fascination with moss continues to this day. i have a moss garden set up in a large planter near my house, and i love to see the various kinds of dried moss in the craft section at Michael's. i especially like reindeer moss- the color and texture of this one is very nice. do you think they have it at the north pole? just kidding.

the best way to get moss, however, is to go mossing. i am fortunate that i live in a place that moss seems to love- shady, gets lots of rain, near the forest,etc. we have FINALLY finished, well, o.k. mostly finished, our house remodeling project. we have now turned our attention to our flower gardens, which have suffered a bit due to the amount ( or lack of) time we have spent on them this spring/summer. we bought some bedding plants to fill the planters in the front of our house and planted those this weekend. but they always look better, and retain moisture better, dressed out with pretty, green moss.so, yesterday, my husband grabbed a big bucket, and we took off for our moss hunting grounds. i love to look at wildflowers,too while we are collecting moss. this time of year is sort of an  in between time  for wildflowers. you can see more wildflowers  here during the spring and fall, but still i saw some really pretty tea berry plants, plenty of ferns, along with some queens anne's lace. i also saw some poison ivy, but i did not collect that one.

we managed to collect a whole bucket full- just enough for our planter boxes, as well as a couple of special pieces that i arranged in my moss garden. luckily there is a ton of moss around here, but we never take it all. it will grow back,of course, but we always like to leave some. makes the forest look better, i think.

tomorrow morning we are starting on a small remodeling project- we are screening in our back porch. along with a great selection of moss here, we also have lots and lots of mosquitoes, too. i am excited about having a place to sit in the early morning or evening without the worry of being carried off by the bugs. this project will take a week or so. the carpenters will be extending our small back porch a bit, so they will have to extend the roof line some. this will mean they will have to remove our satellite TV and INTERNET dishes, so i will not have access to the Internet for a while. they say it will take a week or so. i have learned that remodeling projects always seem to take longer, so it will probably be two weeks or so. i am writing to let you guys know that i will not be able to blog for a little while. but just as soon as they get the dishes back on the roof, i will pick up where i left off. i am hopeful that when i do get back to my blog, i will be able to tell everyone that my scan has been scheduled, my doctor has decided to let me take the capsule instead of the liquid I-123( my doctor and i are still going around and around about that),  and all will be right with my little world.

so i will be busy cleaning up construction mess( more than i would like to), mossing( perhaps), and shaking the coins on my belly scarf in zumba class( definitely). i hope that everyone is enjoying the little pleasures of summer and that you are well and feeling good. . blog you soon!!

"We can never know about the days to come, but we think about them anyway. Anticipation is making me late, it's keeping me -W-A-I-T-I-N-G . And tomorrow we might not be together. I'm no prophet, i don't know natures way. .....these are the good old days." Anticipation by Carly Simon

well, i certainly am still waiting to get my scan! it seems my doctor and i can not come to terms with the fact that i am allergic-anaphylactic allergic - to sulfite preservatives, which are present in both the LIQUID i-123 and I-131. i researched this, and found proof from the product listing. i am not sure why the liquid is so much better than the capsule, either. oh, and of course thyrogen has been on back order, which has caused a lot of worry and waiting for several other people. i believe that now, or at least in july, the thyrogen should be back on the market, according to the reports that i have read. so i am w-a-i-t-i-n-g  for my doctor to switch my tracer dose to something that might not kill me( seriously) and for the thyrogen to become available again. i am hoping that i can get my test done the week of august 1st. i am going to stay all week in raleigh, so that would give me some time to visit with my daughter before she has to start back to school. everyone keep their fingers crossed for me, o.k.? i certainly am going to need it.

last night, i got on amazon.com. i should know better than to do this when i am depressed, but i did anyway. i looked at one of my favorite things to buy- belly scarves! i have the reputation of having a belly scarf to match all of my tee shirts( well not ALL of them). so i ordered a light pink one with silver coins and a sheer black one with silver coins. man, do i love to make those coins jingle!! today i went to zumba, and during one song, i managed to flip some of those coins onto my back( one of my personal goals, lol ) lucky for me, the scarves are inexpensive, because i sure do like that bling- and the sound that it makes. also, we were dancing to one of my favorite songs- " What is it?". funny story, but when i was trying to tell my daugter what the name of the song is   ( she is a part time zumba instructor in raleigh) we sort of ended up like that abbott and, costello joke- who's on first? i told her about the song, and she said, what is the name? and i said " what is it?" we went on like that for a while, and she finally said I DO NOT KNOW, IF YOU COULD JUST SING A FEW BARS OF THE SONG, MAYBE I COULD FIGURE IT OUT! i am not sure, but i don't think that she has heard it yet.

i had a great experience this week. i just reconnected with my best friend in high school- all because of facebook. i had  not seen her for, well lets not say how long- just a long,long time. it was so good to email her and catch up a bit on what she has been doing since high school. we lost touch- you probably know how that is, but i have been thinking about her often. i told her a little bit about my situation, and she even read some of my blog. she has had her challenges in life,too. i told her that while we can not choose the hand we are dealt in life, we can control how to play it. everyone has challenges and it is how we deal with them that makes us the kind of person that we are. sounds like an oprah moment, but it is one thing that i have figured out, one "thing i know for sure", so to speak.

would it not be great if we figured this out in our twenties? i suppose there are some people who do come to this realization- that life is precious, and we need to enjoy every moment, do what we love, with the people that we love and be thankful for all good things coming our way. i still feel that way- even a year after my diagnosis. i think this is a game changer for me. it has stuck, long after the surgery,chemo,etc. of course i do not feel out of the woods yet! i will feel better after my scan ( if i ever get to have that scan!). of course, i will just have to be patient, and wait a little bit more, as carly recommends. of course, i do need a few more zumba belly scarves in the meantime....

"...thank you for the music, the songs i'm singing. thank you for all the joy they're bringing. who can live without it, i ask in all honesty? what would life be? without a song or a dance, what are we? so i say thank you for the music, for giving it to me. " Thank you for the music, by Abba

of course in this song,abba,  is thankful that they can sing so well. i am not able to sing very well now- i have good and bad voice days, along with salivary gland issues- still. yet i am so very thankful for the music that i hear. and i still sing in the car - on my way to and from work, when i am by myself. i sing with a joyful heart, if not always hitting the correct notes. i left a message on our answering machine for my husband yesterday. we happened to be working  different schedules and i wanted to tell him something. of course, my husband never checks our voicemail, so it was still on the machine when i got home. i listened to it and was shocked to hear my voice. o.k. i was having a bad voice day, but still- was the voice on the answering machine really me???

on another website that i occasionally read, someone had written an article about their "new normal". i wrote a similar article on that same topic  a couple of blogs ago. i promise that i did not read hers first! but i imagine that many, if not all, cancer patients have the same feeling that " we" do. we have new normals for ourselves. things will never be exactly the same, but that does not mean that they can not be good again. it is hard sometimes to adjust to what we have to do now- after having cancer. i used to be able to sing pretty well, but i am having to adjust to a new voice and the fact that i would embarrass myself if i sang out loud. i still love music dearly, and i enjoy listening to good music. that fact  will never change. but i am having a little difficulty adjusting to this new normal.

the thing that gets me through this challenge, is that i know i  had to have the surgery, that was  a certainty. my surgeon did a great job with what he had to work with- the cancer was invasive into the parathyroids, lymph nodes,and some of the surrounding tissues. i imagine that the vocal cords were pretty twisted too, and not in a fun way. so, he did his job, and i am here today. i am grateful to be here! i am trying not to whine too much about my singing/speaking changes. i am adjusting to my new normal. i do however,  wish that people would not ask me if i was sick sometimes- i sound like rachel ray with a very bad cold at times. but i just try to tell myself that squeaky, husky voices are " in" right now. lucky me!

and by golly, thyroid cancer did not affect my dancing! i am going to zumba tonight after a two week absence. ( we have been working non-stop on getting our house back together after the remodel). i will salsa my heart out tonight, and hopefully not be too sore tomorrow. i may not be able to sing very well, but i surely am the dancing queen!!

"duh,duh,...duh,duh...DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH..(insert scream here) oh no,it's a BLOG ATTACK!! you can hum this to the scary music from the jaws movies if you'ed like

this blog will NOT let me sleep tonight! it is an open letter to all of my blog followers for your help. as some of you might know, my friend Wendy and i have this website called: thethyroidnecklace.com. we offer a FREE necklace to a thyroid cancer patient, as well as providing (hopefully) good information and our support. it is a non-profit program- we accept donations for necklaces, as well as new or homemade jewelry. all that we ask of recipients is that you provide your "cancer story" and it can be as long or as short as you would like, along with a picture of you. we then will send you  your necklace- our offering of hope and support- and print your story/picture on our website.

some of you might be a little hesitant to write a story chronicling your adventures with  thyroid cancer, but i know from experience how liberating this can be. i started my blog a year ago, as a way of helping others deal with some of the issues i was facing. i hope that i provide good information on thyroid cancer/treatment. but i would be amiss if i did not admit that my blog has been a lifeline to me. it has helped me deal with my situation, and to know that i am not alone. i have "met" some amazing and inspiring people through my blog. that is why i am reaching out to all of you to help us with this project! we are having some trouble getting the plane off the ground so to speak. we have lots of necklaces that we would love to send to fellow thyroid cancer patients.

if you would like to help us with this project, please email me at : dreamfields4ever@aol.com. and we can get started. i would like to thank everyone, especially our first two recipients on our website, in advance for your help and support.

there, i did it. now maybe i can get some sleep.

gee, maybe i am back to "normal" now

we have just finished a three month, well closer to four month, house remodel project. i have been so exhausted that i began to worry that my cancer was back! then i realized a few things: 1) i am getting older- not a bad thing considering the alternative and 2) my thyroid has flown away, and no matter how well my thyroid medication works, it is just not quite the same. i need to be more patient with myself, and realize that i can not work as hard as i did when i was in my twenties( and i had a thyroid then, as well).

i think that every thyroid patient- especially a thyroid cancer patient- that i have talked to has complained about exhaustion. people just do not realize what a powerful organ that our thyroids are. and with most things in life, you really do not miss it until it is gone. when i get sad and start to miss my thyroid, i think about the cancer, and the really,really bad case of thyroiditis that i had before i had it removed. have you ever had thyroiditis? it is so painful and i was to the point that i was just hoping my temperature would be low enough that they would not postpone the surgery. thankfully things went on as planned, and of course that took care of the thyroiditis.

with the remodeling project, i would work for several hours- cleaning- we had dust EVERYWHERE. one day i was in the kitchen trying to fix an omelet before i went to work, and i almost had it out of the pan when the carpenter cranked up his saw. this great "cloud" of sawdust covered everything in the room. and i do mean everything. i can now say that i know what sawdust tastes like,though. ( not too bad, and i just thought of it as a little extra fiber). along with cleaning, i helped move boxes and the occasional piece of light furniture. the thing i did not like, was that  after a few hours my bed pulled me in like a magnet. i could not have resisted it if i had  tried. was that normal? no, not compared to  a few years ago. but i guess that this is my new normal. o.k., i need extra rest now. i feel lazy sometimes, but i still take a nap if i can. some days are better than others, energy wise, and i will admit to going to bed earlier, or sleeping later.

i exercise, yes, zumba!, and i do the best that i can. my house may not be "martha stewart" ready,EVER, but that is o.k. i work full time, even though at times i feel beyond exhausted. but i am here, and i have an awfully lot to be thankful for. i will admit that adjusting to the new normal has been tough. but i am getting there.